rabbit punch to the right retina

Screencaps of Evermore--In Which Everything Explodes a Lot

Wed, 20 May 2009 21:04:49 GMT

Holy SNOO! An update within the same month as the last one? Could I really have changed my ways? Well, I don't want to jinx it, so let's just jump straight into the action!

First, though, a shout-out: This episode is dedicated to Jonesy, who we all know and love as one of the best screencappers EVAR. He's turning twenty-one this Saturday, so everyone should go wish him well 'cause he is AWESOME and read his adventures 'cause they are AWESOME. Happy early birthday, honey! ~~yeah I know nothing says "OH SHIT I FORGOT YOUR BIRTHDAY" like shoehorning your name into one of my crappy screencap adventures shut up and eat yer durned cake~~

When we last saw our heroes, they were taking a well-deserved break to rest their nerves after the Pyramid of Unwinnable DOOM. Little did they know that soon they'd be confronting epic explosions, sinister Easter eggs, underground mazes, things in the dark, and tentacles doing naughty things! WHAT! WILL! HAPPEN?!

Bye, nice free inn lady! We gotsta go meet Horace on the East Bank now! I'm sure nothing bad will happen!

Hark! The soft footsteps of a plot development!

Hmmm. I distinctly remember Horace wearing a tan outfit. But it's not like we've been having evil twin problems or anything, so I'll fail to find this at all suspicious! :D

See? He cares about us! Granted, he rolled his eyes pretty hard when he said that, but the concern was there! Totally not another evil twin.

Matt: I also have no reservations about your sudden change of attire and am sure you harbor nothing but good intent towards us :D
Andre: dude you people are idiots

Horace: This...this is a piece of string and a dead frog.
Matt: I was supposed to be looking for what now? :D

(Oh gawd, I just realized I act out everyone's emoticons as I type these I must look so freaking stupid that's fantastic)

Matt: Gosh, you're drooling more than usual, Horace! Are you hungry?
Horace: FOR POWER
Matt: Uh...I have some nectar, is that close enough?

Matt: ...or a petal, or some roots, or a mushroom, or a...
Horace: ASKHFDHH;'LL'JDSFA' RANT SNORT

It's not like we nearly chewed our arms off in frustration multiple times trying to get them or anything, we'll turn them over without so much as a "please", why not, what the hey. Jerk.

Andre: oh you're actually giving him those that's great that's awesome

Matt: :D
Andre: this is all on you, buddy.

Matt: :D

Matt: :D

Matt: :D

Matt: :D

Matt: :D

Matt: :D ...wait a second :\
Andre: you're a rube, Matt - -

Matt: Usually he laughs like BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAsnortchokehackHA! I think...something is AMISS!
Andre: uh huh yeah I'm going to Vegas don't wait up

Ughhhh, that word gives me Raggedy Ann and Andy Movie flashbacks. Don't, just don't D:

Coincidentally, Lunky Monkey is Chunky Monkey's evil ice cream twin. Instead of having fudge chunks and walnuts, it has a small man slamming a steel pipe into your ovaries. ...I hate our Dairy Queen :<

Andre: what part of "it's all on you, buddy" and/or "I'm going to Vegas" do you not understand? >(

Andre: dude, do you even REMEMBER what happened in the volcano?
Matt: I fell down lots :D

oh hallo

NPC: We're gonna make BACON outta you, ki--

NPC: OW I'M A PILE OF BONES
Matt: POWER OF DA SPEAAAAR
Andre: lol

NPC: Oh, rub it in >(

I dunno, we did kind of vaporize those two, I think we're probably sufficiently leveled for the time being.

abhuWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!

Gosh, now that I look at it that way, it makes a lot of sense! You're so clever, Matt!
Andre: douches >|

Not that anyone's TOLD US WHAT THEY DO or anything. My chip's STILL on explosions.

seeing as that's the only other area we know about

HUMANS bleed nectar? I...I just...this world's biology makes me sad and uncomfortable.

YOU KNOW WHAT

AXE

IS WHAT

A cave! With a...aah, you know the drill.

MAGIC

wooooOOOOOOoooooo, WE ARE POWERFUL WIZARDS AND YOU SHOULD GIVE US STUFF, WOOOooooOOOOO

dangit Matt >(
Matt: :D

NPC: I'll just be taking the damages out of your hide now! :D
Matt: :D :| :(

What, there's only the one? Or is the Bronze Age mascot? Bifurcate-y the Happy Axe? I'm down with that.

Don't remind me D:

NPC: Well, aren't you just a pocket fulla firecrackers? You got moxie, kid, you ain't no maroon!
Matt: Uh...how long have you been in this cave?

A clue? Love? A good ass-kicking? All three? At once? Plus maple syrup? And you'll take the pictures?

Oh, or that.

...why, what'd I say?

It's your standard Drain spell. I guess some people like 'em, but I've always found 'em universally bland.

But that won't stop me from giving you guys a quick demo, 'cause I love y'all. In this episode, even!

Not too bad, but not good enough that I'd bother leveling it.

NPC: It's how I've stayed alive the past sixty years, seeing as I didn't provide myself an exit. Oh God I'm so hungry.
Matt: For power?
NPC: If that's something that isn't made of wall slime or rats, then yes!

Matt: Get much business back here?
NPC: I sell to the rats. Then I eat them. It's a niche market, really.

Ghhh, the last two dungeons kicked my ass formula-wise. That represents at LEAST fifty Heal-casts. Good thing you can stock up here.

sadl;fj';fjdjl NOBODY EVER SAID THAT TO ME

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY HELPFUL, REALLY

JERKS

Awwww. I'm sure he will, probably as a plot development later on.

NPC: At least, I think that's what all that insane cackling and multiple exclamations points were about when he stopped in for a Slippery Nipple earlier.

YAY BOAT RIDE BOAT RIDE

I DO I DO

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

*BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE*
Andre: quit rocking the boat >(

Yes, he has a different tour guide spiel for the return trip. Secret of Evermore may have some wall-banging lapses of programmer judgment, but they're awesome about little details.

Oooooooh! It's so...scrubby! :D

CHICKENS :D

Matt: Well, boy, how was your desert chicken?
Andre: dry >(

Matt: Uh, we never sat down. Sprite restrictions. Sorry.
Ghost Captain: It's okay, Jack, I get that all the time.

And now, we return to the bustling--uh...hey, where is everybody?

Thank you for your prompt response, camera.

Andre: maybe you shouldn't have spent three hours singing karaoke at the Sniveling Sissy >(
Matt: But I did it my way!

Ooh, I think we finally get to find out what happens when you put the Diamond Eyes in the statue! :D

NPC: So...what do they do, then?
Not!Horace: Beats me, I was hoping someone here would know.

Gosh, I wonder if Square Japan knew anything about that little one-off when they were working on Final Fantasy IX...

(As a side note: If you're still reading this, Miss Zarla, My Sweet Passion shows up in the first freaking page of results TWICE in a Google image search for "zorn final fantasy". NOT THAT ANYONE IS SURPRISED.)

Do you suffer from dry, electrically charged eyes? Visine can't help. Seriously, dude, you're more or less fucked.

Lift up your eyes! With TELEKINESIS!

I think I've got something in my eye, maybe just a little speck of DOOM

Oh, honey, he's got your eyes!

Not!Horace: And the bad eye puns END!
But I've got so many more!

hey guys

I think maybe I was right about the explosions

Matt: That. Was. EPIC.
Andre: meh, I've seen bigger.

M-O-O-N, that spells "killer exploding robot statue thingy"!

Heh. I used to like to think that the Aegis Shield in Final Fantasy VI was actually a chunk of this statue, blown several worlds over by the aforementioned epic explosion. 'Cause I'm lame. And it's fun.

Okay, down to business. Aegis' gimmick is that he switches between something like three different masks, each mask can do something different, and you can only hurt him in between swaps. This mask scans your character...

...and spits out a (GASPY!) EVIL TWIN! Hey, is this where they've all been coming from?

T'hee, puns.

Luckily, I have a spear. I'LL PUT YER EYE OUT WITH THAT

ACK

Okay, that mask spits out evil bone birds. It's nice of them to do an actual palette swap and not just make them Bone Buzzards, I think.

This mask spits out Will-o-Wisp-type enemies like Salabog...

...but we don't get to see it 'cause really, Aegis is a gigantic pussy at heart. Really, what was Not!Horace even planning to do with this thing? It's stuck in the ground! If they didn't feel like being dominated, everyone could just...y'know...LEAVE.

Seriously, this plan sucked. It sucked balls. Eyeballs, even. Congratulations, Not!Horace, you've been beaten out in the evil circuit by an eight-year-old girl. I hope you feel suitably emasculated.

anyway BEHOLD DA POWER OF...axe? Did I seriously have my axe equipped for that? Huh.

Matt: 'Cause he was a giant HEAD stuck in the GROUND. See, I can do it too :D
Andre: I am going to kill all of you while you sleep.

Andre: *ka-HEM*
Horace: And noticeably better work, Andre.
Andre: dang' straight - -

Matt: :D
Horace: Now there are only 452 horrible villains to go!
Matt: D:

YOU DON'T SAY.

Okay, that's a little more enlightening. Hmmmm, evil robot twins...where else have we seen suspicious robots in this game?

Matt doesn't care, foreshadowing is for pussies

MORE explosions? First Aegis exploded to appear, then he exploded to disappear, now he's exploding because he FEELS like it. I so called it on the Diamond Eyes.

When?

Oh. WELL LET'S GET A MOVE ON THEN.

Who are you calling tiny?

'Cause I'm kind of sensitive about my height, y'know.

I AM here. Gawd.

Aww, that's actually kind of sweet. You're an okay guy, H--

Oh :<

i'm a special boy too :<

You know, it'd be funny if he threw it into the exact same spot as the rock, so the bridge to the item outcropping would explode and you'd permanently lose your chance at everything on it. ...at least, it'd be funny if you were Roberta Williams.

CAN HE DO IT, FOLKS? THE SUSPENSE!

I CAN PILOT ANYTHING no wait

Everyone: *step*

Hut!

hup

Hup

HUP

HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Man, Square, way to get an oiled, shaved muscle-man in a loincloth flexing and being vaguely suggestive past the radar in a SNES-era game. Go you.

SCREENWOBBLE

SCREENWOBBLE

SCREENWOBBLE
Matt: Was that the explosion?
Tiny: No. When Tiny flexes, Tiny flexes HARD.

Matt: And another good arm. And two good legs. And a good chest. And a good--
Andre: dude, we're not going there. we're just...not.

Matt: --heart, right! Why, what did you think I was gonna say?

Tune in next time, when Tiny's incredible strength goes to his head! No, no, I kid. That foreshadowing actually has a pretty long fuse on it.

Horace: Have you tried the subway?
Matt: They haven't invented it yet.
Horace: The aqueduct, then?

Horace: I miss television. And showers. And people wearing pants.

Horace: OH GOD I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING MY LIFE'S A LIE

Horace: I'M HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS TRY BACK LATER
Madronius: Oh, is it Tuesday, then?

Madronius: You've earned your "Barking Like a Seal" merit badge! Congratulations!
Guard: THAT BOTHERS ME

Horace: I'm sorry, I seem to have been having an identity crisis. It must be Tuesday.

Horace: Did Little Timmy fall down the aqueduct?

HOW CONVEEEEEEENIENT

Assuming it actually leads somewhere, and isn't just a dead end. Y'know, as caves are wont to be.

Horace: Now all we need is a guinea pig to flush out any inhospitable creatures and trip any deadly traps!
Matt: :D
Horace: :)
Matt: :D
Horace: :)
Matt: :D
Horace: :)
Matt: ...oh you mean ME :/

Politeness about explosive-centric news: Pass it on.

Horace: More likely, you could get killed in any number of horrible ways.
Matt: I like them odds!

Matt: BRAVELY AND BLINDLY INTO THE ABYSS WE CHARGE
Andre: why am I not in Vegas yet?

Free stuff?

Free stuff! :D

Ooooo, YOINK.

You rock, Horace. Not quite as hard as Fire Eyes, but pretty dang' hard. I'm gonna miss you :<

D-do we really have to say goodbye so soon?

Oh God, I promised myself I wasn't...wasn't gonna...WAAAAAAH

AAAAH oh hey gratitude and acclaim :D Granted, it's not the most topical gratitude and acclaim, but all fawning is appreciated, peasant.

NPC: That was a good thing you did. Good job, you.

Okay, it's Easter egg time. This one is well-hidden, so much so that I never discovered it on my own, despite my constant chicken-worrying. The trick is, you have to go up to a chicken and press A to make it squawk over a hundred times. And when you do...

!

. .

> >

< <

. .

:O

ASADFJLL;FASLD;KFLJADSJK

l;ksdfl;ak

eeeeeeehehehehe. love this game.

love it so much.

I kind of expected her to up the price, but I guess she gets that a lot.

Pffft, no thanks. What good is a chicken if you can't taunt it?

I WILL TAUNT CHICKENS UP TO AND WITH MY LAST BREATH. Another one hundred taunts later (I actually used ZSNES' turbo function for the first time ever just for this)...

TRY AND STOP ME

OH SHI--

asdfjlf;sdafj''afASJFKDL;KJF;LJFDjl;l;afd

sdfa;ljflow.

Say, I wonder...

Ffff. Okay, fine, we'll roll with that.
Goat: Meanie :<

Okay, just a little more housecleaning to do before we get on with the plot. You guys are lucky--I always forget this part when I play, and a lot of people don't even know it exists, but I was reminded by a walkthrough when looking up information on the pyramid, so here it is. Remember the guy who taught us Drain before we went to confront Horace? If you go back and talk to him again...

...you get fresh dialogue and a new formula! Remember, in RPGland, it pays not to just talk to everybody, but to talk to everybody twice. Unless, y'know, it's a Sierra game, in which case doing something too many times is just as bad as not doing it enough.

Just doing our duty, civilian :D

Why, thank y--WAIT A SECOND. You were holding out on us before? Lame! Fine, I'll take your stupid formula. I guess.

First, though, jumping back in time for a brief demo of the Drain formula, 'cause I forgot during the boss fight.

A stream of blue bubbles fly out of your enemy...

...and into you.

Wow, a whole 4 HP. How...utterly useless.

Okay, let's try Double Drain.

Hm...the substitution of Vinegar for Root makes it distinctly more expensive than Drain Lite.

It does have 100% more glowing arrows, though. I guess that's a good sign.

TWO streams of GREEN bubbles fly out of your enemy...

...and into you, for a slightly less measly 7 HP. So...much more expensive, but still pretty useless, and it's not even totally doubled. Yeah, this one's going off of my list post-haste. Oh well, at least I'll never kick myself for missing it.

Okay, let's do this thing. As you can see, the river drained off into the freshly-opened tunnel. As this is a desert, soon the oasis that has sprung up against all odds in the barren wasteland will wither and die, and life as we know it will cease for these simple, sand-dwelling people, animals, and plants.

But more importantly, we can walk down there without getting our jeans wet! Totally more relevant than the local ecosystem. Do you have any idea how annoying it is when denim rides up on your doolies? Yeah.

This area is barely an area. Just a few Mad Monks...

...and a gaping abyss. Oh well, I guess we should turn back and look somewhere else--

Matt: I AM A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY
Oh hell.
Andre: lol |)

Matt: WHY IS NO ONE JOINING ME IN MY MAJESTIC FLIGHT
Andre: yeah uh huh okay I'll catch up good buddy

Matt: AUTOMATIC WARPS UNITE US IN A SYMPHONY OF JOY AND COMPOUND FRACTURES
Andre: NOT COOL NOT COOL

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAA*THUMP*

*CRACK*

*LACERATE*

Honestly, the sound effects for this segment are hilarious. One of the collisions squishes.

OH GOD I BROKE MY BGLAYER6

Seriously, something in this segment made my screen spaz out like a code possessed. Through some small miracle this is the only screencap it affects, but I did kind of speed through the area because it was making me nervous. You're not missing much, it's actually a short maze if you know what you're doing.

Where were we? Oh yeah: Owwww...

Ugh...where are we?

...hello?

...h-hello?

...I-I hear things in the dark...

It's dark in here too. I don't like this place D:
Andre: suck it up |<

IT'S DARK AND COLD AND SCARY AND oh hey a thingy :D

*P

OO

F*

*FOOP*

oooh golly. Magic atomic rollercoaster! Iwannarideagain :D

AGH ACK WHAT IS IT KILL IT WITH FIRE AGH

Oh, it's just an Oglin. These guys are everywhere underground, and they're not that tough. They like to do smack-and-runs, but otherwise, they're just--

ow throwback

Oh shi--he knocked me into a teleporter?

Into a dead end?!

THAT IS AN OGLIN AMBUSH OW OW ARGH

Phew. I've played this game a few times, but that's the first time the AI has managed to do something as clever as that. It was a TOTAL accident, but it goes to show you that even basic programs are complex twice a day. Scary stuff.

Well, at least we're out of it now. Hey, boy, do you like the atomic rollercoaster?
Andre: urrrrgh yurk yurk yurk
Uh-oh. Matt, better check the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook's "Dog" section under "Telling Barks From Barfs"...ooh, too late.

I...is this the remains of the last player? D: I don't like this place!

OH MY GOD ANDRE'S FOUND SOMETHING! HE MUST BE SCENTING THE WAY OUT OF HERE!

KEEP GOING, BOY! LEAD US TO SWEET, SWEET DAYLIGHT! LEAD US TO FREEDOM!

LEAD US TO...um...

*sigh* Thank you, Andre.
Andre: ain't no thing

Ugh, another dead end. I'm getting really sick of these useless--

--awesome precious loot dead ends :D

H-hey...is that...

PRECIOUS DAYLIGHT YES

OH SWEET JOYOUS DAY THIS IS THAT WE ARE--

--BEING RAPED BY RANDOM TENTACLES OW OW OW AUGH WTF

ACK

AAAACKSADL;FJAL;SDFJL;F

CRIPES. Jeebus. Okay.

Aquagoth is cooler than any goth ever, by the merit of being a squid that can cause acid storms. This is truth. No arguments. He also can put you in a sticky wicket if you're ill-prepared, so be sure to level up before going into the labyrinth.

Aaand tentacles. You know, I'm as fond of naughty tentacles as the next girl (provided the next girl is also a pervy tentacle-fancier), but this is not the happy kind of tentacle naughtiness that I am accustomed to. Bad tentacles! No tentacle biscuit!

Anyway, everyone knows that when you see a giant, bulbous, pulsing eye...

YOU THROW A HARPOON INTO IT
Aquagoth: Bitch, you did NOT just do that.

Unfortunately, the Dog can't reach the squid proper for some reason, so Matt's more or less alone in this fight. More unfortunately, this won't be the last or the most annoying example of this trope in this world.

Oh, did I mention that tentacles pop up and stab you every few seconds, especially if you stand within spear-throwing distance? FUN.

And this formula gives you Plague status. MORE FUN.

Ghhh. I was actually pretty worried during this fight, which is something that hasn't happened since...well, the raptor fight in Episode 1 that I ~~cheated~~ bravely pulled through by the skin of my teeth. It's definitely grinding time once I get out of here.

Oh, and it randomly throws Oglins at you. SO MUCH FUN.

Thankfully, no sea creature alive can stand up to a good spearing.

Also thankfully, everything in Evermore is made of Explodium ~~wtf why is TV Tropes down right now~~. Even if it's underwater.

OH SHI--THE SQUID IS MELTING DOWN! TAKOYAKI FALLOUT! I'M MUTATING AND IT'S DELICIOUS!

C-C-C-CALAMARI

Aaaand...instead of doing his standard victory pose, Matt savagely stabs at thin air. I...I think maybe someone's been underground too long.
Matt: I'M COVERED IN BUUUUUUUUGS
Andre: lol claustrophobia

Apparently, if your Honey is maxed out at six, the game will glitch and allow you to take as a seventh piece. I don't know if it lasts forever or just once or anything, Honey's freaking expensive and barely worth it once you have your Heal leveled up, so I've never tried it. Can any other players report in?

Anyway.

H-hey...either the barely-breathable cave air has gone to my head, or I hear music!

(This is one of my favorite tracks in the game. Fo' srs. It gets me all excited. I'm a sucker for mysterious-sounding tracks like that |D)

Bucket? I see no--

*ka-BUCKET*
Oh :B

Matt: I HAS A BUCKET

Andre: NOOOOO THEY BE STEALIN' MY BUCKET

And so, Matt ascends into a new world...and leaves us behind. Jerk. Well, it'll take me a few days to make a rope out of semi-exploded tentacles...we'll just have to wait until then.

Next time: Feathery hedgehogs? Freakshows? Pigs? Poodles? Del dives headlong into her favorite world, and hilarity and brain injuries ensue.

Screencaps of Evermore--Why Does It Have to Be Snakes?

Wed, 13 May 2009 14:53:38 GMT

I aten't dead. There's really no excuse I can make for a nine-month absence...well, okay, there is one when I put it that way, but I didn't actually get knocked up. Long story short, college is a bitch and I'm sorry. But rejoice, for I now return to bring you inept screencapping and tepid humor once more! ...you know, like anyone was reading this in the first place.

Long, long ago, we left Matt and Andre on a riverbank with a mysterious crystal known as the Diamond Eye. Since then, they've been waiting to find its mate, because mismatched jewelry is so uncute. What lies ahead? Could it be...another obnoxious switch-laden dungeon? Oh, son of a...

Okay, got a little housekeeping to do first. Remember how Madronius told us to look for his brother in the walls of the last dungeon? ...probably not, but he did, so we are. Deal with it.

THIS IS HOW LONG I SPENT WANDERING AROUND IN THIS DUNGEON, THE GIMMICKY QUEST COUPON FORMULA ACTUALLY LEVELED UP

WHAT IS THIS EVEN GOING TO DO, MAKE THE PATHS SHINIER

Anyway, to find Madronius' brother, you have to wander around in the walls.

A lot.

I mean, seriously. A LOT.

Ugh. This isn't even the worst "invisible path" part of the game. That comes in the next world, and I will be swearing at it 'most violently.

But for now, at least they reward us with delicious alchemy ingredients.
Andre: quit chewing on that |(

man if I don't see this dude soon I swear I'm gonna

AGH I SEE A DUDE

Or just an attempt to save space in the sprite database?

INTIMATELY

Matt helpfully recaps for everyone who's forgotten what the heck is going on ~~myself included~~.

From who? You live in the most out-of-the-way armpit of a secret passage in the entire ruins!

Er, and a lovely armpit it is, too!

Ooooo, fiery destruction. Gotta get me some o' that.

I think this is meant as an upgrade to Flash. Don't know how often I'll be using it, but it's good to know.

Got it. Thank you, armpit-dweller.

Gosh, you're the crazy hermit that keeps on giving :D

Remember this screen from a billion years ago? Good times, good times.

fadj'aklsjdfljsda;'jhsf WALLS

Some wandering and whining later, we're back on the road. Or we WOULD be, if it'd just...

Matt: *KA-ROAD*
THANK you.

Snake? Snake?! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

Ooh, a pyramid! Woooooo, pyramids are cool!

And a switch! Switches are decidedly less cool, but it's over and done with n--

--ow. Um. Okay, then, let's go--

...I see.

...I see how it's going to be, game.

Sigh. Split-'em-up dungeon is go.

It's just as well Matt can't go in here, though...

...the last time he tried to make a jump like that, he broke both ankles, one tibia, and a spleen.

Oh goody, a switch.

Oh goody, another switch.

^$&@&^.

^$&@&^.

Well, let's get this thing over with.

Oh c'mon, Matt, you can at least jump THAT!
Matt: My spleen still hurts :<

Woooooo, leveling!

Hm...maybe I can avoid this dungeon altogether by following this path to--

--absolutely nowhere. Awww, the pyramid had baby pyramids!

This actually isn't sloppy programming, although there's a nasty case of that in this dungeon. We'll be back here much, much later.

In the meantime, onward into the pyramid! Which is...a maze. Oh, joy.

ACK BIRDS DON'T BELONG IN PYRAMIDS

THEY ARE BIRDS THEY DON'T FIT IN HERE

Wow, that's creepy AND biologically unsound.

AND hard to hit.

And it squishes like a mosquito. ...I don't even want to know how a flying bag of bones squishes.
Matt: It's raining marrow, hallelujah :D

Oh boy, a branch in the path. Arbitrarily, I choose right.

and get AMBUSHED BY FLYING SKULLS AUGH

Phew, managed to...hey, what's this?

Could it be...

The mummified cat everyone keeps yapping about! Awesome! Hey, I'm your biggest fan, I bought the tapestry and everythi--

OW BAD KITTY

Darned stuck-up show animals >( Well, at least it's--

OW SON OF A WHORE

ANDRE, I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING AT US
Andre: lol |)

Ooh, a strange mushroom found growing on an unidentifiable substance in a poorly-sealed vase that's been moldering in a pyramid for God knows how long! LET'S EAT IT!

Man, they've been handing these out like candy lately! It's a good thing, too--I'm finally gonna use some this episode!

B2, let's go.

Yeah, okay, but how does it taste?

Gosh, that wall doesn't look suspiciously crumbly or anything. Don't think there's anything heavy enough to bring it down in our inventory right now, though, we'll have to come back.

Hey, that's not fair! Matt's doing all the work, how is Andre still getting EXP?
Andre: lol |)

Okay, everything that previously bled Petals now bleeds Nectar. The pathetic running gag runs on!

Crap, a door with two switches. I WONDER WHAT WE HAVE TO DO HERE.

Aaand down again. Either I missed some caps or the floor plan is defying physics more than usual here.

Wha...

HOLY HELL IT'S THE MOTHERLODE :D A-graverobbin' we will go, a-graverobbin' we will go~

We won't be getting any formulas that use these until the next world, where they're kind of common. Still, it gives us a running start on the next round of collecting, and it's a tantalizing hint of what comes next.

Huh, I wonder if the pharaoh had a dog. Hope this isn't cursed.

Hope this wasn't used to preserve somebody.
Matt: It was up a dude's nose :D

sdklfdsaj;'sfjafjasd YOU DID NOT MUMMIFY THESE CATS HARD ENOUGH TRY AGAIN

This must've been used to form an effigy of a servant to do the pharaoh's work in the afterlife! Fascinating!

These must've been preserved so the pharaoh would have something to eat in the afterlife! Fascinating!

These must've struck the pharaoh and killed him instantly, then have been pried out of his liquefied skull! Fascinating!

This must've been left over from those delicious wings! Fascinating!

Okay, that's just random.

Also found 2 parts Treason and 1 part Plot

Man, this just keeps on going. Mine!

Also mine!

Continuing to be mine! Quit licking that, Matt.
Matt: Tasty burning :D

Mine...

Mine...

Mine...

...and mine. Awesome.

oh I am so stepping on that

PWAKOOM

oomoom

pwa. oom.

I missed a cap here, but we found a barred door. Switch time!

Matt: Good boy! :D
Andre: don't make me move again, I was napping |(

Jeez, creepy-ass torch. Why are all these torches lit, anyway? This place is really bustling with life for a tomb. Case in point: About to be mauled by yet another Bone Buzzard. Oh shi--

Shoop de doop de doop de

OW AUGH SWEET BABY JEEBUS PAIN

LOTS OF PAIN

Oh, I see how it is! Well, two can play that game!

EAT SPEAR DEATH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaathat did absolutely nothing.

Okay, Plan B: Proceed meekly past the statues with all due respect and careful timing. Oh, hey...

Nifty. Good thing the spell isn't quite good enough to change the entire statue, we'd be in a mess'a trouble then.

O-oh God, is this one gonna try to eat me too?

...phew. Nice statue.

OW OH GOD BAD STATUE BAD STATUE

Oh God, these bridges. Can you guess what's special about these bridges?

THAT'S RIGHT, THEY COLLAPSE, GOLD STAR FOR TODAY

These are all over the place, and they're a little different than your garden-variety collapsible bridges. See, once they're down, they're down for good. No respawning. Remember the shoddy programming I mentioned earlier? ...well, just take that foreshadowing and hold onto it for now, we'll get back to it later.

For now, let's reap some booty. That is if that danged snake will let us argh argh argh

Great, now we really ARE graverobbers. Nice going, Matt.
Matt: Curses tingle :D

Bloop, gone forever. This area is optional, so it's not a problem...with this set, anyway.

Bloop, gone forever. THIS is the problem. See, there's a mini-boss coming up, and when you defeat it, you get an item that lets you past those crumbly walls. As soon as you get it, you can use Wings or Escape to duck out, no problem, because you can hack your way back in through said walls. But if you try that after collapsing this bridge and before getting the axe, you can never get back and thus the dungeon becomes unwinnable. And if you're unfortunate enough to save, THE ENTIRE GAME BECOMES UNWINNABLE. Thankfully, this never happened to me (I got caught by the OTHER unwinnable area), but I remember reading about it in Nintendo Power and shuddering.

*PWING*

hay did you hear a pwing

I heard a pwing

Excuse me, sir, did you go "pwing"?

Oh, pardon me, I didn't see your brother there. Did HE go "pwing"?

Hmm, all right. Nothing about a "pwing" there, but I suppose it'll do.

EAT FLASH

These two would be unremarkable mini-bosses, except for two unique features. One is the aforementioned ability to render your game utterly unwinnable. The other...

...is this! When you use a formula, they change color to the color of that formula's animation. I'm honestly not sure if this is a glitch or intentional, but it's lotsa fun to play with. Watch.

Hard Ball! Awww, they look all soft and mooshy.

Cure! Ooh, blueberry-flavored!

Oh hey, I said I'd try this, wouldn't I? No time like the present! To be honest, I've never actually used this before in my life. Let's see how it works.

Whoa, they're all buff now! I guess it is intentional.

WHAT.

...

...WHAT.

...that was disturbing and we will never speak of it again.

Decent stat boost, though.

Welp, I've been promising to try these for something like eight episodes straight, guess it's time to put my money where my mouth is.

Fire Eyes, I summon j00! Come make random people turn funny colors!

The Call Bead formulas work the same as regular formulas, they're just much more powerful and much more difficult to level up. As such, we get a standard ring for them. On Fire Eyes', we have Flare...

...Heat Wave...

...Storm...

...and Life Spark. I'm not entirely sure because I never really use Call Beads, but I think all of the summons have some kind of healing formula.

Let's start with Flare! PWOOF!

Pff, unimpressive. Okay, Life Spark.

Significantly more impressive :O I may have to keep that in mind for later. Let's try Storm.

Ooo, pretty colors! And I do believe that's a 100+ damage marker unfolding there, not bad. Last one is Heat Wave.

The screen goes all wiggly like a road in August, nice. Didn't evil!Fire Eyes' monster have this attack?

Awww, my playthings are wearing out :<

Luckily, Horace is a status ailment kind of guy.

Here we have First Aid...

...Confound...

...and a Rocky Horror Picture Show ref waiting to happen.

First, First Ai--

OW SON OF A WHORE YOU GUYS ACTUALLY ATTACK?! Ooh, I am SO Time Warping your ass.

That's just one part Jump to the Left...

...and three parts Step to the Right!

Ooh, that's the prettiest color yet. And it's hard to tell in the screencap format, but now he's slow.

Reaaaaaally slow.

Confound is just the same as when an enemy uses it on you. A little whirl of stars...

...and the controls are suddenly reversed. I've never really understood how they program the AI to compensate like the player would, but it seems to work.

Just the edge I need to end this thiOW SON OF A WHORE. I hate Slow Burn, it does what it says on the tin.

HOORAY BRONZE AXE FTW ow

ow

ow

If this keeps up for, like, an hour, I could be in serious trouble.

In the meantime, we have a very obvious puzzle to solve!

KREEGAH, KREEGAH BUNDOLO!

A tomb! With a dude! Ah, the times, they are a-changin'. ...gradually.

NPC: Not that I've been walled up in a tomb for forty-six years and my life is nothing but misery and licking slime from the walls to survive or anything :D
Matt: :D :) :/

NPC: I urinate around it daily to mark my territory :D
Matt: :/ :( D:

Matt: okay just please don't pee on me

Makin' good time! ...for once.

NPC: Bring civilization!
Matt: You're related to that lady in the last dungeon, aren't you?
NPC: Oh God I'm so lonely.

Oddly enough, the cats in here really won't attack you. I guess the resident crazy cat ladyboy here tamed 'em.

And you can't attack them, which is fair.

But you can steal all their stuff, which is also fair. By video game LAW.

dsfklkldfsa;flhkldfh ENEMY CONVENTION RUN

Rrrrr. I'M ON TO YOU, YOU STUPID--

...non-collapsible bridges?

...

i'm on to you.

HAY ANDRE WE NEEDS j00

Andre: yeah yeah wtfever |( you could at least center the camera |(

Strange cobra-esque lizard statues with the power to inflict status ailments...why does it have to be strange cobra-esque lizard statues with the power to inflict status ailments?

Oooo, this certainly looks special! And it is. If Horace hasn't given you the ability to use his Call Beads (wow, that sounds dirty), you can't open this pot. But if he has...

...you get another formula! While all of the items in the Pyramid are Lost Forevers because of aforementioned collapsing bridges, this is the only optional one you'll really be kicking yourself over if you miss.

Let's have a look!

t'hee, whupsfellover.

We'll give it a shot later. In the meantime, I am sorely missing our furry companion.

Matt: ANDRE :D
Andre: I told you I was napping |(

And...

Bloop, gone forever. I don't know if this collapses if you go across without the Dog or if you even can cross without him, but I wouldn't put it past 'em. This dungeon seriously puts me into hyperventilation territory, and it even comes back near the end of the game for one last shot at screwing over your save file, IIRC. At least we're almost out.

Bloop, gone forever.

...I like saying "bloop" :D :) :B

But I thought we were in the Bronze Age! Additionally, ow.

Ahhh, finally. Honestly, I don't know why we couldn't just drop a rock on that other switch. We're good at dropping rocks on things. Got extra Mud Peppers and everythin'.

Oh well. Work together, guys!

sdaflkjlaksdfh';ljasdf I SAID WORK TOGETHER
Matt: :D
Andre: |(

Okay, I don't know WHY that worked, but it did.

Hello? Anyone in here?

Hello? I'd like to speak to the owner of this establishment!

I have some issues with the programming of this building! It's a lawsuit waiting to happen, really.

Bridges collapsing all over the place and WHOA HELLO

asdfj'jl;jsdaf THAT'S NO WAY TO GREET A GUEST

eek eek walking in the wrong direction eek

Okay, this guy isn't that tough ~~especially if you accidentally take on the higher-leveled dungeon first by mistake~~. He'll send his ~~big honking obvious weak spot~~ jewel spinning around to hit you, but it causes minimal damage.

The four statues around the room can cast Flash, which is a slightly larger nuisance.

...okay, it's a MUCH larger nuisance.
Andre: oh screw you > <

At least he has a big honking obvious weak spot! The jewel is invincible when it's spinning, but as soon as it reattaches to the statue, it's fair game.

What the...? I was sure that formulas maxed at level 3 :O Sorry to misinform! I wonder how high they can go?

Oh yeah, what's this thing called? Rimsala? That's vaguely Egyptian enough, I guess.

"Statue", not so much.
Statue: We do our best |<

You can take these guys out with a single shot of whatever formula they like, but they relight pretty fast, so it's not really worth it.

Anyway, nothin' a few well-placed fully-charged Dog attacks won't fix. BADABIDDITYBOOM

K'THOOM

KACHING

Did...did the game just 8| at me? :<

BEHOLD DA POWER OF SPEAR
Andre: Dude, that was all me |<

FINALLY.

Okay, let's blow this frightening glitch stand.

Fun fact: Once you're out, you can't get back in. If you missed anything, including Horace's extra spell, they're Lost Forever(tm). FUN TIMES. Granted, there's not much to miss, but it's a shame to skip that big treasure trove.

...that was...belated?
Glitches: TAKE US WITH YOU :<

Well, at least it's easy getting back to camp :D
Matt: WHY DO YOU KEEP MAKING US FALL DOWN D:
Andre: NOT COOL NOT COOL

Matt: owwww my pixels
Madronius: You know, it isn't easy hauling you out of those pits...

Of course.

Sigh. Anyone else smell a showdown coming up?

Matt: Thanks, whoever's talking :D

wtf why did I take damage here
Glitches: TAKE US WIIIIITH YOU :<

I WAS FINE THREE SECONDS AGO
Glitches: IT'S DARK AND LONELY IN THE PYRAMID :<

Oh, so that's it. But why wasn't I flashing? Oh, who cares, sleep now. Gonna need it for the inevitable Huge Confrontation next episode.

Glitches: WE HAD A NIGHTMARE :< CAN WE SLEEP IN YOUR REEKING ANIMAL HIDE?
ffffffff

Next episode: An inevitable Huge Confrontation! Also, see an Easter egg hidden so well that Del didn't find it until checking a FAQ ten years after the first time she played! Protip: Totally worth the wait.

Screencaps of Evermore Highlights Entry--Switching and Bitching

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 05:59:08 GMT

First item of business! mega_hassi was inspired by the last episode into CROSSOVER MAYHEM!

I swear, I like it more every time I watch it :D Thanks, Mega Hassi, for bringing GREAT JUSTICE to this screencap adventure!

Moving on. Yes, I once again allowed a fair amount of time to slip by between updates. I could blame it on my connection repeatedly dying, but you wanna know what the truth is?

I HATE THIS DUNGEON. WITH A PASSION. IT'S LONG AND CONFUSING AND BROWN AND THERE ARE THREE ZILLION SWITCHES. Playing through it was bad enough, but then trying to work out how to make it entertaining for YOU guys? I have a reputation to keep up, after all...

So, after a lot of stalling and some discussion with NeutralTwin (read his awesome adventures NAO!), I took his advice and made this episode a "highlights" entry, culling the tedious stuff for the sake of a more entertaining experience. A brief weeding of any shot with a switch in it later, the cap-batch was reduced by a full third and gleamed like a shiny gleaming thing. It's not as thorough as the others I've done, but it should be as interesting, with any luck.

So! Bitching and mooing aside, when we last saw our heroes, they bought rare and overpriced souvenirs from an authentic Roman marketplace, crossed the desert once more on the rowboat of a tourist-minded ghost pirate, and met Professor Horace Highwater, another elusive Podunk resident. Now, they continue their search for the mysterious Diamond Eyes in a twisting labyrinth. Will there be a minotaur? Read on to find out!

Ahhhh, well-rested and ready to go! Surely the next leg of our adventure will be a breeze!

Although the body count in the area is admittedly worrying. Hey, Horace, go easy on the hired help, willya?

These trees are a pain in the ass. There are some alchemy ingredients in among the roots, but if you wander too far in and lose sight of yourself, you can get lost and it takes a long time to wander out again. I seem to recall having to reset once, but I could be mistaken. They also eat kites.

And people, apparently.

You will not foil me this time, bottomless pit!

Okay, let's try this blinky-eye-formula...thing.

It goes BRIIIIIR

then silent sparklies

then NYYYYAR-BAM

and then KA-ROAD!

That part doesn't actually make a noise. But I do. In my head. Because I can.

And ta-da, a bridge! Nice and shiny and blue! It kinda sparkles, too. Real high-shelf quality. And it leads to...

...a temple! Or...something. It's never really specified, it could be a dentist's office gone horribly wrong, I guess.

It does look a lot like my dentist's office, after all, with the pillars an' everything. Except there's no fishtank. Probably doesn't have a popcorn ceiling, either.

Rats, rats! These guys zip around all over the place and are really hard to hit, although the Dog has slightly better luck. It's okay, though, since they rarely attack, do next-to-no damage, and give next-to-no EXP. They're really just ambient enemies, which is kinda nice.

MY GOODNESS, WHAT'S THAT GLOOPING THIS WAY

GLOOP

GLOOP. heeeee, seriously, I love watching these little guys flip over. It's such a jaunty animation!

Jaunty and TASTY animation!

What, not even Dire? I'm disappointed. Meanwhile, Andre lunges at Matt, teeth bared

Hmmm, I wonder what this is? I BET WE'LL FIND OUT LATER.

asfdjk'aljkdfj EVERYTHING BLEEDS...Nectar? ...well, so much for THAT running joke. But, uh, I wouldn't eat that, Matt. Srsly.
Matt: But it's a LIME Slime :<

AND NOW, A MAGIC TRICK

TA-DA

Seriously, you CAN step out on invisible bridges, they're just nigh-impossible to cross.

However, when I was a kid, a file of mine either got hijacked or I was fooling around on someone else's, I don't recall...either way, I found myself in this temple with no knowledge of Revealer. Since the exit was connected to the rest of the world by another invisible bridge, I couldn't go find OUT about Revealer (this was long before GameFAQs, mind). So do I do the logical thing and start a new file? No, I spend HOURS trying to cross the bridge by inching across and guessing at the edges.

Ordinarily, I'd be grousing about that kind of time loss, but not now. Why? Well, let's recreate the situation.

WHUPSFELLOVER

That's it, Matt, keep a positive attitude!

Matt: hint hint

WHUPSFELLOVERAGAIN

t'hee. Somebody's gettin' a little snarky.

OVER THE EDGE ONCE MORE

Matt: LIKE, GUUUUUY >O

He goes quiet after this.

Unless, of course, you're stubborn enough to drop them ten more times (yes, I counted), in which case...

?

:O!

I. FREAKING. LOVE. THIS. GAME.

~~It figures the first Easter Egg I ever found was one loaded with self-referential humor |D~~

Anyway, back to the ol' grind.

Game: *grabs controls away from player*
NO WAIT THOSE ARE MINE

Game: *ka-PAN*
Jerk >(

Something to throw, huh?

That can be arranged.

only apparently I missed the shot of him throwing it and saying it wasn't heavy enough. WTF, me. So, exploring the rest of the area until I find whatever I need. Familiar ground! Familiar invisible ground, even!

Enemies can also wander out (and occasionally get trapped) on the bridges. In my tries to get across sans-formula, I tried to bully them out and follow their steps. No luck |D

Oh, look! A switch!

A door or a small earthquake. Gotta love that SNES-era Squaresoft Jack-of-all-trades rumble sound effect #12!

Better clear the perimeter before wandering off, though.

An outcropping! With a lady! This must be the next evolutionary link in the "cave with a dude" species!

Okay, random lady whose only purpose it is to save my game and apparently doesn't have to eat or drink or anything, just sit in the middle of an abandoned temple waiting for a protagonist that will MAYBE show up. MAYBE.
NPC: Them's the breaks.

NPC: Bring civilization!

Aha, a door! Or at least a bit of light that could conceivably come from a door.

(At this point, things got so long and confusing and same-y that I started culling caps. Assume that any "missing" content is either a corridor or a switch.)

Aha, a...pit! Oops.

He's repeating himself. I hope the fall didn't concuss him :<

Matt: wait wait I saw this in Guinea Pigs from the Planet Squeeeeee *knock knock*

Matt: *knock knock*

Matt: *KNOCK KNOCK*
Why, a false wall! :O Well played, sir!
Matt: :D
Andre: wtfever |(

Hey, it's kinda hard to see in here.

Through the magic of ZSNES, I can make the sprites visible and save myself some grief...

...but for the spirit of the thing, I will not! I'm so noble! ~~besides, it doesn't really help that much |D~~

Besides, there's an old legit trick I can pull out in dire situations...

...the Item Wheel! There I am! :D

Marco?

Matt: Polo!

Marco!

Matt: Polo!

Marco!

Matt: I CAN SEE :D
You lose!
Matt: :<
Andre: wtf. that's not even how you play. dumbasses.

Anyway, this better be worth it.

...I NEVER USE THIS STUFF :D

Well, that was a waste of time. Let's go.

Aha, a timed switch!

Yes, I said a timed switch. Don't give me that look, just move your sorry buns over there before the bridge breaks.
Matt: :<
Andre: Like hell, more food.

WE MADE IT WE MADE IT WE MADE IT WE

Matt?

...Matt?

oh hell.

exclaims Matt like Captain Kirk pulling a ret-con out of his ass

Jeez, touchy touchy.

Okay, REALLY managed it this time. Moving on.

There was another switch over there--hence, another door. Getting the idea?

WHAT

WHAT IS THAT HULKING BRUTE

COULD IT BE THAT THE LABYRINTH IS TRADITIONAL ENOUGH TO HAVE THE GREAT GUARDIAN BEAST, THE--

--Mini-Taur?
MiniTaur: Hey, at least I'm not dosing, man.

~~Secret of Evermore--supporting a clean Olympics~~

D'HURR HURR HURR I SCREENCAPZ GUD. seriously he could be anally violating Matt back there and we wouldn't know. would explain Andre's OMGWTFBBQ posture. wheeeee.

Anyway, the Mini-Boss--*cough* sorry, Mini-Taur goes down pretty fast.

And hands out a boatload of experience, apparently. It was at this point that I realized that, as usual, I attacked the harder of the two dungeons that you can take on in either order first. I don't know why I always forget, I just DO. Lots of healing and grumbling behind the scenes, I can assure you.

power of the yadda yadda yadda let's go

The sad part is that shiny little animation is ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING THINGS IN THIS DUNGEON

Okay, okay. Switch.

Venting Andre's residual Level 3 attack on a rat.
Andre: he knows what he did. |)

Door.

MORE SWITCHES. OH BOY. These raise and lower different pillars according to the order you step on them.

The heck? Either my eyes are going from the endless brown corridors of sameitude, or that slime's off-color.

asdlf;jkl;'klsdfa A PALETTE SWAP?! The dungeon's long enough to have its own %&**%&ing PALETTE SWAP?!

...well, at least it's a pretty color |(

Into the walls again, yay. This would be neater if it weren't so hard to get around once you're inside.

Anyway, some flailing later...

:O! Okay, THAT was worth it.

AUGH OW WHO'S GETTING HIT WHAT'S GOING ON
Matt: I stubbed my toe! D:
Andre: wuss.

Well, this doesn't look dangerous at all :D

RUNNING

RUNNING

FALLING

Yeah, yeah, always an elevator. Stupid magic collapsing floor. Luckily, there's a bug in the player's favor for situations like this.

Charge up any weapon to level 3, hold down both B and A, and...

...you can run forever. Every time the gauge runs out, it'll automatically fill up again. Nifty, but of limited use.

randomly taking out my frustrations on the rats

Andre: RAT MUST DIE
Andre's expression here pretty much sums up my feelings on this dungeon, actually.

HEY LOOK MORE SWITCHES

THIS IS A SET OF SEVEN SWITCHES THAT CAN BE PRESSED IN ANY ORDER. WHY??? WHO KNOWS???

Oh, and in case I didn't mention, these enemies will BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU if you don't keep healing. WHEE.

hee hee, gloop.

TWICE

LEVELED UP TWICE IN THIS GODFORSAKEN LABYRINTH

AND THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN IN THIS GAME OFTEN

Hey, that's different. Well, we can still take him out no problem, right guys?

Three minutes later...

FALL DOWN

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THINGS HOLY, WHY ARE YOU NOT FALLING DOWN

YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE LIKE 80 HP

Ohhh, he's a SPECIAL monk. That makes him the most unannounced mini-boss ever. Seriously, he just saunters out of nowhere and casually dies. He's metro mini. oh God I don't even know what I'm saying anymore

YES YES FINALLY BWAHAHAHAAAAA

I HAVE THE POWAAAAAAH

meanwhile, Matt has been reduced to scraping unidentifiable fluids from the undersides of his dead foes for nourishment
Matt: I'm so hungry . .

SPEAR THROW

BRIDGE GET

I'd better save real quick, 'cause sure as ships and seashells I ain't goin' through THAT mess again.

TEN THOUSAND EXP SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE DUNGEON

TEN THOUSAND FREAKING EXP

HEY BOSS, SOMEBODY HAS SOME PENT-UP AGGRESSION TO PROJECT IN THE FORM OF FIREY DESTRUCTION

...huh. Empty.

WAIT WHAT

GOD DON'T THE BOSSES IN THIS PLACE KNOCK

Yes sir and boy howdy, that's Secret of Evermore for ya! Two minotaurs to your dungeon, double bang for your buck!

AND HE'S A HEALER

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

He can also jump in and out of the flamebuckets, inexplicably. More explicably if you remember the boss from the volcano. ROCK DINOSAUR EVOLVED INTO...MEGATAUR! PLAYER LEARNED CURSE INCOHERENTLY!

I have absolutely no idea what is happening here

YES! YES! EAT VITRIOL AND DIE, COW-FUCKER!

(What? It's technically correct...)

Loot does little to soothe the gamer's spirit in this rare instance

wait what why is this doing this what

HOORAY I DON'T KNOW AND DON'T CARE WHEEEE

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY FINALLY DIAMOND EYE YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

OH GOD SWEET SUNLIGHT, WE HAVE MISSED YOU SO! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

WE'RE BACK WE'RE BACK WE'RE HAVE THE DIAMOND EYE GUYS WE'RE BACK

WHY DID YOU NOT GIVE ME THIS EARLIER I DON'T KNOW BUT WE'RE BACK SO I DON'T CAAAARE

JUBILIATION!

Oh, right, actually gotta unequip something. Hm.

Speed, we don't need you anymore.
Matt: i need you . .
We will get you into rehab, Matt.

t'hee. SINGLE FILE, EXIT IN AN ORDERLY MANNER.

I believe I was maxed out beforehand, so I healed...over twenty times? Blimey.

Why thank you :D You're a good guy, Horace Highwater.

Horace: Behold! Is this your card?
Matt: GADZOOKS! :O
Andre: you're a rube, Matt |(

Ohhhh, right, I still need to use these. Not that I'm a hoarder or anything, but I'm a hoarder. Next dungeon, promise.

This doesn't come in until a couple of areas later, I think. I rarely use Call Beads, so I'm not sure.

I NEARLY CHEWED OFF MY OWN ARM IN FRUSTRATION BUT IT'S DONE! PRAISE ME PRAISE ME PRAISE ME! :D :D :D

:D

:D

:D

...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Screencaps of Evermore--Across the River

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 02:43:17 GMT

Guten tag, everyone! See, I told you I'd pick up the pace! We have officially accelerated from "ex-animate" to "sluggish"! Provided it's an old slug. An old and lethargic slug. An old and lethargic slug whose pseudopods give it gyp in bad weather.

cough.

Anyway, last time, we got a brief chance to explore the marketplace before being pitted against a tooth-spitting gladiator in MORTAL COMBAT, noticing a few familiar faces in the background along the way. Emerging victorious, our heroes were sent on a ~~fetch~~ quest for a mysterious pair of jewels (insert scrotum joke here if so wished). However, player-omnipotence proved that perhaps those in power aren't as benevolent as it seems...

Phew, those Nobilians really know how to throw a post-bloodbath party. I thought we'd never get outta the vomitorium |D

Normal protagonist activity: Making some redundant comment to the animal relief.

Matt activity: Actually explaining the plan to the animal relief, because he is the brains of the party.

Diamond EYES. Because they go in the Statue. And do something neat that no one seems to be able to explain any more about. I'm going to put my chip down on explosions.

And we're not leaving until we get our hands on all of it :D

Little Girl: You don't have NEARLY enough chickens.

The Dog will sniff at chickens and goats endlessly. ENDLESSLY. Luckily, he does not eat them.
Andre: 'sup Kudo

Oh right, now that he's back, I can equip him! Dang, that collar was worth the cash :O

Vinegar's fairly basic. I believe it's used a lot more in the next world.

NPC: But did you really have to...idk BLOW HIM UP
Matt: :D

Man, either news spreads fast or EVERYONE was in the Colosseum. Who was minding the goats?

Oh, that's ni--

Wait a second :O

Talkin' with the Dog! :D God, I feel stupid for forgetting to do this earlier.

Andre: wtfever |(
NPC: On the other hand...

Awwww.

All the screaming and flailing and dribbling urine

You know, it is kind of odd that he incarnated into Sacred Dog form. Awfully convenient. I'd assumed that he just morphs into whatever suits the climate best, but could someone else be pulling the strings? I forget if it's ever addressed in-game...

Awwww, no long-winded separate list of rules for the Dog? Lame :<

You get a lot of just this kind of "good woofikins |D" stuff, I'll be cutting the bulk of it. If you're really that curious, hey, you could always play yourself! ~~Please?~~

Gah, this guy is a text-box NINJA. GET OUT FROM BEHIND THERE AND SAY HI TO THE NICE PEOPLE.

Oh, really? WELL GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

*SNEAK* Psht, so much for ninja-guard.

Okay, this is one of the neater parts in the game. The moment you enter this area, the Dog starts sniffing at one of the statues, as is his wont. However, when you go to retrieve the ingredient hidden there...

:O

I LOVE YOU, TALKING STATUE. And I love this game~

Matt: Nope :B

You're related to the "bark like a seal" guy, aren't you? :<

fine, enough of that foppery

Spider?

Hey, get out of there! Enemies aren't allowed in towns unless they're abandoned or ruined or somethin', it's RPG law!

Ooh, you are going to get such a squish--

OW MY SPLEEN

Hey, you're not a spider.

You, the reader, decide.

Matt: Spider! Get rid of--
NPC: Spider? Step on spider?
Matt: Spider!
Andre: He is our hero.

Hey :<

That's...really not a phrase I wanted to hear from a weird, smelly half-naked man in the back of a warehouse, thank you.

I feel like I should be making some outdated Saturday Night Live joke here

oh God please say it's not mansex

Phew. Just an Ann Rynd fan.

I'll probably never use this, but hey, we finally filled out our list of active formulas! Go us! :D

OH I SEE WHAT YOUR GAME IS. WELL PLAYED, GREASY SIR.

fine, I GUESS. >(

yeah yeah. JERK.

Hey so what happens if I poke you agai--

OW MY GALLBLADDER

You know, you'd shift more stock if you didn't attempt to fatally bludgeon all your customers. Just a protip, there.

Yeah, here's the real reason I don't use the spell--he jacks his price up with each medallion you buy, and it's hardly chump change to begin with. Even one level, at this rate, would clean me out and then some. I'll use it once for you guys at some point, though, 'cause I love you<3

D'AAAAAAW. Little pink tongue :D :D :D

Child labor?

...it worked for Martha Stewart

he says as he slams the table with both fists, frothing at the mouth

Urf, still pricey. Probably not gonna stock this stuff properly until the next world.

These, on the other hand, are worth the price. They're your standard-issue Escape-inna-Box, and are particularly useful in the next dungeon--at least, for me, because the next dungeon is the bane of my existence and I ALWAYS get lost. Expect a lot of incoherent cursing next episode.

The other side of the warehouse opens out into this cul-de-sac of marketplace. It's easy to forget this is here/miss it altogether when you're out shopping and get frustrated looking for the exclusive goods they sell, so mark it on your mental map.

Like fishies and chickens! :D

Also good to remember. As such, it's best to work north to south.

That, ma'am, is because you're in the armpit of the market

NPC: Seeing as you were almost beaten into a bloody pulp at the Colosseum today.
Matt: It wasn't that bad :<
NPC: The stench of pee tells a different story, sir.

No SPECIFIC ancient ruins, just...ancient ruins. Y'know. Place's lousy with 'em. So you gonna buy or what

ISSOSHINY :D :D :D

Another little doorway...

...leads to the Inn.

WAIT, ARE THOSE

ARE THOSE

OH GOD THEY ARE

BEDS

YES YES GIVE ME A ROOM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE

BWA HA HA HA! THE LUXURY! THE LUXURY! THE LACK OF RANK HIDE SMELL!

I slept a fine sleep, sir. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

That bit of drama aside, it's finally time to roll up our sleeves and get down to some heavy-duty tradin'! I'm excited, aren't you? :D

Isn't that a little bit after your time, missy? > >

B-but that's mine! D: I'm pretty sure you can procure one of these elsewhere, and even if you can't, it's not worth the Jade Disk. Pass.

And by "get down to some heavy-duty training", I apparently mean "talk to a lot of people as the Dog".

Andre: danged straight |3

Everyone loves Andre :D
Matt: Hey, I fought a gladiator an' stuff :<

The Moxa Stick improves the power of healing items and formulas. Which one you want is your choice, but I usually go with the Moxa Stick. A pint of ahhhh is worth a pound of owwww.

Anyway, after a bit of running around...

Charms!

And STUFF! :D I tend to overbuy rather than try to work it all out in my head these days.

as can be seen by my suddenly abysmal jewel count

It's also good at weddings! :D

Luckily, all the items you don't use can be promptly sold back for cash. I think I ended up keeping the majority of my stuff in this case, though, since I believe there's more on sale when you return from your quest. IF you return from your quest.

HEY, LOOK WHAT I FOUND! A ROCK! *doot-dee-doo!*

Well, we know what to do with rocks, don't we?

Wiggly-woop

Wiggly-woop

Wiggly-woo--oh, hey, Tiny, 'sup?

Matt: Yeah, we've been introduced. You threatened me grave bodily harm, remember?
Tiny: Tiny does that a lot.

jeez, excuse ME, I was just LOOKing, guyyyy >(

You guys thought I was making that up as a running gag, didn't you? SURPRISE.

Tiny also enjoys abstract art and ergodic literature, which explains a lot about his grammar if you really think about it.

With nothing but SHEER MANLINESS

See? Abstract art. Of mummified cats playing poker.

Obviously, despite a lack of any obvious profit in this venture, it is vital to see it done. This is RPG law.

Matt directs a candid stare into the audience, to ensure they are as enthralled as he is in this performance

hup

Hup

HUP

HYYYYYAH!

You are, indeed, da man, Tiny.

PREGNANT CUE LINE??? YOU, THE AUDIENCE, DECIDE.

Okay, let's blow this popsicle stand. God, did I really just write that? I've been around Matt too long.
Matt: :D

I sure do! No killer tumbleweed mafia for me THIS time! :D

SIR YES SIR

I love the little random nicknames he gives his customers. He's right friendly for a ghost pirate.

WHEEEEEEEEEEE, WE'RE ON AN OUTING :D Oh la-di-da, where IS my parasol?

What, you didn't think it was just a ride, did you? Oh no, it's a TOUR BOAT. WAFFLE ON AT LENGTH ABOUT LOCAL LANDMARKS, PLZ.

Ghost Pirate: Unless you're one of those fascists who doesn't like elbow herpes, that is.
Matt: lol ye--wait, wut? D:
Ghost Pirate: It's their primary export! :D

I've been told I drunkenly mumbled this phrase once when my mother attempted to wake me up for school. This game gets in your head, man.

Enthusiasm! :D

Awww, it's over already? :<

Oh well, we'll ride again on the way back. He has a different spiel then, IIRC.

Goodbye, Ghost Pirate! Thanks for the ride! Don't take any wooden doubloons! ~~God it's only five p.m. why am I so incoherent~~

If you get Tiny to throw the rock in Nobilia, the moment you step on this screen, it goes into an automatic pan...

nyeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEROOMBADABOOM!

...boom.

This is funnier if you've been out level-building for an hour.

Okay, what'd we get?

Ooh, score! :D

Hm, not as nice as a Call Bead, but nice.

Ethanol! This stuff is fairly expensive, so it's nice to find so much in one place.

Hey, Fishman!

Ooh, freebie formula! Nice!

I don't really use this since I always have Biscuits on hand and I heal too often to run out, but it's a nice gesture, I think.

Hm, what to unequip...

I never liked you, Acid Rain >( DIE.

Aw, thanks, Blimp :D With words of encouragement like that, I bet we're ready for anything the world throws at--

AGH PLAGUE OW OH GOD VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT I WANNA GO HOOOOME

Plague is a nasty update to Poison. It drains more health, doesn't heal on its own, and, if you don't heal it quickly, it'll spread to the other party member. Seriously ugly stuff. It's slow-acting, though, so as long as you have Cure equipped, though, it won't mess you up too bad.

Woo, that's my first spell to hit the level cap! God knows I'm gonna need it.

See? Maxed out.

And it shows :D Despite the fact that it won't technically level, spells do continue getting stronger as you do. I won't have to swap it out for some time, still.

Anyway, chattin' up the natives as Andre. Hm, you don't say? :O

Iiiii forget how to get this open. Probably comes up later.

Matt: Go for it, Andre! I believe in you! You can do anything, because I have raised you with love!
Andre: wtfever. pika.

LEAP

Well, huh. Thanks, random NPC!

dfj;ljga;sfj THERE WAS A CONVENIENT LIFT HERE THE WHOLE TIME?! Why didn't someone just arrange a pulley system or something so it could be summoned from either side of the river? Friggin' idiot engineers >(

Oh well. An elevator ride is a fine thing, never mind the circumstances.

And back again!

Matt: WHEEEEEEEEEEE :D
Andre: *sigh*

Hm, feels like it's missing something...

Oh, right. Hellfire, past-tense.

Well, at least it's nicely verdant over here. I was getting sick of nothing but sand.

Aaaand that explains the brimstone. I was hoping for something more along the lines of an incubus, really.

Whenever I see this name, I think of Statler and Waldorf in The Muppet Christmas Carol. That is all.

tum te tum, following the river

Y HALO THAR, GIANT PIT. I guess we'd better turn arou--

GOSHDANGIT MATT
Matt: WHEEEEEEEEEE
Andre: not cool not cool not cool

AAAAAAAHH

*thud*

ooooog. wha'happen. lungs spose'ta bend that way? pain.

Into your HUGE STUPID PIT, yes >(

buh-GOING springs Matt to his feet

Andre: speak for yourself |(

Matt: Well, my name is John Johnson. I come from Wisconsin. I work in a lumber mill there. The people I meet as I walk down the street, they say "What's your name?", and I say, my name is John Johnson, I come from Wisconsin--
Mysterious Man: You hit your head harder than I thought.

Mysterious Man: Although you do seem to be experiencing the early signs of elbow herpes.
Matt: wut . .

Mysterious Man: You're not filthy or pantsless, here, is what I'm saying. That's a grave offense here in Hoboville.

look if you would just let me get a word in edgewise here

LET'S GIVE HIM A BIG HAND, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

Hi, Horace! Horace isn't as cool as Fire Eyes, but he's pretty cool.

ARE YOU SHOCKED? I'M SHOCKED.

t'hee, Podunker.

Horace: Hoboville, where the hobos run free!
Yeah, there are a lot of sweaty and pantsless men in my imagination, too.

Horace: I was going to say "Then they canned my ass because I thought pirates and Romans lived in harmony together" but okay, we'll roll with that.

Horace: I lost the game of Trivial Pursuit we played beforehand! It was a traumatic experience.

Horace: Are there hobos there?
Matt: You have a one-track mind, don't you?

Wha--you trusted someone named Professor von RUFFLEBERG to do weird experiments on you? Oh, wow, totally just shoehorned a "von" in there on instinct, go me.

A librarian, a museum curator, and a child prodigy. A well-chosen group for the experiment. You know, as opposed to a horny teenager. "I don't care where you send me, just make sure there's tits."

THE BUTLER DID IT

Oh cripes, even Matt's caught the Diamondmania now. RESIST, MATT, RESIST!

Matt: I implicitly trust him for no good reason :D

Are YOU gonna tell us what they do?

That...that's a no, then. :<

Man, considering they've been in Evermore for...what'd Fire Eyes say, thirty years? That's a long time for nothing in particular to happen, just to have all this movin' and shakin' goin' on right before we got here. INTERESTING.

although not as mysterious as these ^)*(&*)^ing diamonds I tell you what

MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE D:

Which, as we all know, paves the pathway to Hell--wait. No. Does it work the other way around? Jack Chick would lead us to believe so.

This is the vaguest Easter egg hunt EVAR.

YOU TOO?! GOD WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT THE DIAMONDS. TELL ME ALREADY. TELL MEEEE

Y'know, I must say I find this kind of suspicious. If I didn't know that he was required by RPG Law to tell me these things because I've tooled around for the requisite amount of time to move the plot on, I'd suspect something.

Oh, so THAT'S why MY FOOT IS CURRENTLY POINTING BACKWARDS. Jerk.

Wow, this IS Hoboville. Does it come with the requisite filthy trenchcoat?

Sure, why the heck not. It's not like there's a TV for there to be nothin' on.

Say it with him, friends:
Andre: wtfever |(

Great, the way I capped it he very well COULD be flashing them in there, GO ME

Like souvenir spoons and chickens? I hear ya :<

Sweet ass. Hm, gonna hafta drop somethin' for it...

There, traded Flash for Revealer. THE INDECENT EXPOSURE JOKES ROCK ON.

Creepy eyeball formula, hooray! It's a shame you can't get things as weird as eyeballs as ingredients. I'd dig that.

but do they EXPLODE or turn people into PLATYPI or WHAT

WHAT

Haha, I had SUCH a hard time with this this time around. Stay tuned.

Boy, could I ever.

But...but...I slept on a bed! A real bed! That didn't have ticks or fleas or...

*sigh* Aw, fug, forget it. At least it's a NICE filthy stinking hide.

Next episode: Labyrinths, Easter eggs, and a lot of incoherent cursing

Screencaps of Evermore--"Madness? THIS IS NOBILIA!"

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 03:37:22 GMT

Welp, here we are again. I apologize for the long absence, but my classes got to the point that I just didn't have the time or volition to update. I'm sure I could've tossed off entries if I had really needed to, but they would've been even more sub-standard than usual, and I respect this project more than that. Now, though, I'm facing several sweet, sweet months free of graphing and cellular structure, so now, hopefully the screencaps get done and I make a neat pun for the people who are still ~~alive~~ reading. See? Game references! I'm in rare form today, folks! Granted, that form of rare is "lukewarm and dripping blood", but it's a step in the right direction, yes?

When we last left our heroes, they were split up from each other, one unknowingly masquerading as an unlikely religious symbol, the other lost in a ~~dark and very expensive forest~~ wide and very annoying desert. At last, Matt reached an ancient city...but what hidden dangers might lie in store for him there?

I enter all places by the authority of me and me alone, buddy. Except Disneyworld. Hella security at Disneyworld.

WELL I'D BETTER TAKE 'EM OFF, THEN

At least I don't have fourteen identical cousins, NPC-face.

Prophet: BUGGRIT! MILLENIUM HAND AND SHRIMP!
NPC: Sage :O

But then came THE BOULDERS

Really? Do you speak of death as a bone white haze, taking the lost and the unloved babe? Late, too late, all the wretches run, these kings of beasts now counting their days?

From mother's love, is the son estranged? Married his own his precious gain? The earth will shake, in two will break, and death all around will be our dowry?

Or are we talking gas prices up another ten cents?

THE HORROR.

You must be this tall to ride this plotline ---

YAY YAY YAY THE TRADING SYSTEM! This is so cool, honestly. The market is FULL of stuff you can barter for. And I mean FULL. I originally took caps of all the booths, but it bloated up the entry by a good hundred screenshots because it's so freaking HUGE, so I pared it down to the essentials. It's one of my favorite parts, however. I've spent many happy hours racing around trading, and the base parts of the lexicon of value are committed to memory (3 jewels-->1 bag of rice; 3 bags of rice-->1 jar of spice). I'm also quite fond of the ambient sound for the area. Rhubarb rhubarb chickens rhubarb...market-licious!

OH BOY, 50 JEWELS. I can get that by offing, like...one wizard. You guys need to get into the "whack things with femurs until they bleed money" business.

I'm still not really sure what this refers to, honestly. Unless I've forgotten something, there aren't any underwater caves you can get to in the area.

Mmmmm, gonna need me one'a those. The market is chock-full of useful charms.

Useful for when you're done, since you always seem to end up with an odd number of bags of rice or something you can't get rid of.

You people want my toenails too? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Theeeere's the appraisal lady. I think I took all the charms I had to her once to see what she'd say about each, but I don't remember what she said. Should I do it again? YOU, THE AUDIENCE, DECIDE. y'know, all two and a half of you.

Matt: I am mad sezzay yes :D

Matt: You mean at night, when the entire desert freezes into a bitter wasteland just as bad as the boiling sea of sand during the day?
NPC: Yeah, there's a reason we kinda only have the one city.

Oh yeah, another thing that's neat about the marketplace is that it doesn't hold to the "Everything is worth buying and at a reasonable price because you are TEH HERO" rule. You can get snookered but good. There are, I think, three different sellers each for spice and rice, the most basic trading commodities, and two each fooooor...jars, beads, and possibly perfume. The best deals on spice and rice, thankfully, are right next to each other, up at the top of the square.

ANIMALS! They make sounds when you talk to them! Goat goes BAAAAAAAAAA

Chicken goes B'KAAAAAAWK

OMFG. SELL ME CHICKENS.

no I don't buy extras and carry them around for the entire rest of the game for good luck and company what

BAAAAAAAAAA okay done now really

I HAVE NO TOENAILS. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Mummified cats are big business in this town.

BIG business.

Hmmmm. Do I smell a fetch quest, or is that just the goats?

Awww. I bet you've got one more left in you, old dude. Rock on.

He means the juggler who looks strangely like an amputee in this shot wtf where is his other hand

HEY MISTER HEY MISTER IS THIS BUGGING YOU HEY MISTER WANT SOME FIRE ANTS I BET YOU DO

REALLY FREAKING BIG BUSINESS OKAY

Oh ho ho, how droll.

So this was life before YouTube, huh. I wonder if I could find a guy juggling fish online.

Yeah, that took all of two minutes

This is three times the best deal in the market. PEDDLE YOUR WARES ELSEWHERE, SIR.

I know exactly how you feel, sir.

These are higher-level trading goods. Man suddenly I'm wondering why you can't buy mummified cats. That'd be awesome.

YES YES GIMME GIMME GIMME

It'll do NOTHING of the sort, but if you remember from so many months ago, it WILL grant me passage across that godforsaken desert so GIMME

That crunches down to a mere 90 jewels, as opposed to the 10,000 the guy across the river was charging. Demand and supply, man, demand and supply.

Matt: I bet my dog would like to track dirt in there :<

FISHY

MAGIC FISHY

Enh, sure, sample the local cuisine, why not. It's not like it's a big pile of fish in the middle of the desert that have likely been lying in the boiling sun all day and will probably give me the most horrible diseases known to ancient man or anything.

Ooooooh! It's HP-licious!

Right, I've gotta hit at least two of those and fast. Why?

I WONDER.

Actually, the real reason it's gotta be fast is because the second you step into the city, a real-time clock starts ticking towards the next plot event, although you can't see it. Once it gets down to ten minutes, the people you talk to will give you these little warnings before going on with their usual NPC spiel. It's a nice touch, really.

See?

This lady is the best rice dealer in town. She's made several small fortunes off me. Probably bought chickens with the profits. Lucky bitch.

Rice is the most basic trading commodity, so this is where we start the bartering! LET'S GET READY TO...UH...BUY SHIT oh God it's two in the morning already

But where would we keep bags of rice? Why, in our Bag of Holding, of course!

Yeah, I bought all I could carry, more or less. It may look excessive, but it really isn't.

Aaaand here's my charm screen. Did I get a shot of this? Don't recall. Anyway, see how lonely it is? We're gonna fix that :D

Oh, this bodes well.

Oh, well I'd certainly like to--OH GOD PUT THAT THING AWAY YOU PERVERT D<

See that line? That line right there? This is why I love this game.

But how will you measure the spice out without a spoon? :O

THAT IS A FINE DEAL, GOOD SIR. And wut, souvenir spoons from misplaced cities are for everyone. EVERYONE.

NPC: Today's spoon is Trout a la Creme. Enjoy your meal.
Cat: I will :D

HEY GUESS WHAT

THIS GOURD

THIS GOURD IS TOTALLY FUCKING USELESS

AND THE ITEM HE ASKS FOR DOUBLES YOUR HP

AND ONCE YOU TRADE IT, YOU CAN NEVER GET IT BACK, EVER

AND GUESS WHAT ELSE

ONE TIME I LEFT MY GAME PAUSED IN THE MARKETPLACE, AND MY SISTER CAME BY AND TRADED FOR THE GOURD AS A JOKE

ONLY SHE DIDN'T TELL ME

AND I CAME BACK AND SAVED

THANKS MEGAN, THAT WAS GREAT HA HA HA HA

Seriously, it was devastating. She not only lost me the egg, but traded off four or five other IRREPLACEABLE items somehow. And this wasn't at this point of the game, oh no. This was RIGHT BEFORE THE END, when I was coming back to polish off some loose ends. I still haven't let her hear the end of that one.

Anyway. Where were we?

Ohhh, right. Armor. The one thing you really wanna go for before the meeting is armor. Ignore the chestplate booth, you'll pick one up from a treasure chest.

oh and ONE OF THE HATS IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER WHY DO I ALWAYS GET CAUGHT IN THE INFERIOR HAT TRAP

Acne. It's sad, really.

i am a good cityzen

Ooh, this is one of my favorite parts ever! I love this guy!

GOD I LOVE THIS GAME.

Anyway, plot stuff. What, no mummified cats this time?

OHCRAPIFORGOT. Going into this area jump-ends the real-time clock for those impatient to get on with it. I, on the other hand, had more trading to do D: Dang!

Is this a meeting or an execution? . .

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

BLAAAAAH BLAH BLAH

Except you don't. Dangit, I should've known better. Crap crap crap.

VOLLEYBALL TIME EVERYONE

love this game

LOOK LOOK WHAT I'M PLAYING ON AND AROUND HA HA HA

Wait, this looks kind of familiar...

Does. Not. Bode. Well.

There's a guy there, really. My capping skills are as great as ever.

Fact: When city leaders start talking about Utopia, with a capital U, it is considered prudent to head for the hills.

Explosions? Whores? Kittens?

Guard: They have to turn back the sheets and put mints on the pillows, still. Go away.

YET.

AGH VICTOR KUDO

NO NO NOT IN MY EYES

NO NO NO I NEED MORE CHICKENS D:

Well, at least I got a little business done. Here's my trade goods by the start of the meeting...

...and here are my charms. The Sheath ups the attack power of swords.

Okay, let's do this thing.

wait a second, I think I know where this is going

no

NO

NO NO NO

BAD DOG NO

Ohhh, this is not a good thing. He woofs here, for the record.

Matt: I'm out there getting mugged by tumbleweeds in the Endless Desert of DOOM and YOU'RE playing L. Ron Hubbard!
Andre: wtfever, mortal |(

out of SPITE

I'll thank you to refrain from personal remarks, please

Matt: Cool, I get to watch a fight :D
NPC: Until your eyes are gouged out and fed to you, yes.
Matt: :D :) :

Oh ho ho, how amusing! You see, it is funny, because his NAME is "Tiny", but he is actually quite a large man! It is a pune, or play on words! Also, we are boned.

It's things like these that make me glad that there's virtually no Secret of Evermore fanfiction out there. Srsly.

Tiny: There's an extra blanket in the dresser if you need it, the bathroom light switch is on the left, and there are clean towels in the cupboard. Tiny hopes you will enjoy your stay.

Matt: Oh, good, 'cause I was getting the impression that--

Matt: Oh :<

Matt: I mean, his name is "Tiny", but he's actually a huge guy! That's great! Oh, and I'm boned.

snrk. Pompolonious.

Matt: Tiny isn't actually tiny at all! It's very misleading!

Pompolonious: What type are you, then?
Matt: Is "running-screaming-wetting-pants-begging-for-mercy" a category?
Pompolonious: No.
Matt: I guess I'll class out to Cleric, then.

I SEE YOU SNIGGERING, ANDRE

dramatic pause

to be BONED. DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!

Pompolonious: Only there's no automatic advance this time, so technically you can come out whenever you feel like it. Seriously, if you wanna go make a sandwich, take a shower, whatever, that's cool, we can't stop you.

This should be obvious, but IF YOU DO THIS, DOUBLE-SAVE. Otherwise, if you can't beat the boss, you will not have any chance to level and you will be UTTERLY SCREWED. THANKS, SOE.

*laughtrack*

SPARTAN

that would be enough for a SPARTAN

And a Stone Vest. Occasionally I'll forget and buy one in the marketplace beforehand, and cursing will happen, but I remembered this time :D

Terribly uncomfortable, I'm sure, but worth it.

hiff hiff hiff. Aw, he is so darned cute! I don't care that you've doomed us to die against some horrible sweaty testosterone-ridden freak of nature, Andre, I'm glad you're back :D
Andre: wtfever

Okay, let's do this thing. And yeah, you have to fight solo. Presumably it's considered uncouth for a sacred animal to rip out too many throats.

*doodly-doodly-doop*
Andre: I delcared war on Venezuela.
Matt: Oh, Andre!
*laughtrack*

d'aaaaaw.

*cough* Sorry.

In the Arena!" And the crowd goes wild (as needed)!

Wow, it's pretty packed. I wonder if there's anyone famous out there. Anyone like...like...

OMFG. HEY GUYS! GUUUUYS! GUYS I SEE YOOOOU!

INCLUDING PART OF THE CAST FROM FFVI HEY GUYS

HEY GUYS I'M KIND OF IN TROUBLE I COULD USE A HAND

LIKE SERIOUSLY I SEE UMARO IN THERE SO YOU'VE GOTTA BE TOTALLY LEVELED OUT OF YOUR GOURDS BY NOW RIGHT

YOU COULD CONCEIVABLY HAVE ULTIMA BY NOW, I COULD USE ME SOME OF THAT

COULD REALLY USE IT

HELLO???

PLEASE???

...please? :<

they are not helping. and Setzer is not with them. i am sad now. woe.

Right, where were we? Oh yeah, utter doom.

Heeeey, why does he get a fanfare? I didn't get a fanfare. This place sucks :<

BAM

And the crowd goes wild!
Audience: Yaaaaaay.

I checked as a kid--according to what you're equipped with, you're a loser with a stick, femur, or claw. Nice to see thorough programming.

Did I mention the crowd throws garbage that can actually cause you HP damage? Yeah, they do. FUN. There's supposedly a safe place to stand, but I've never found it. Better to just keep moving.

AT LEAST THE RETURNERS ARE

RIGHT GUYS

RIGHT

YOU WOULDN'T THROW GARBAGE AT US

RIGHT

right?

I'm really not sure whether that sounds more like gladiator-themed porn or a History Channel special.

~~is that what they're calling it these days~~

If I can be serious for a minute, I really do like Matt's boundless optimism. Contrary to appearances, I've never really been fond of angstbucket RPG protagonists. Playing a character is like being on a road trip with them (a long, long one in most Squeenix cases), and I'm always happier to sit shotgun to someone who cracks jokes the whole way, albeit lame ones, and doesn't mind me singing along with the radio. Sure, we're about to get our asses kicked by a Spartan in a cart-an, but at least we can have fun doing it!

'kdone. Let's get this over with.

Matt: Can't we just play rock-paper-scissors for it?

Vigor: VIGOR EAT HATED SCISSORS! RAAAAAAH!
Matt: OW MY SQUEEDILY-SPOOCH

Actually, this fight isn't so bad if you're levelled properly. There is a trick to it, though...

...he's totally invincible when attacked from the front. Luckily, the gladiators are not known for the sharpness of their wit, and there's a huge honkin' weak spot in back. He charges like a bull, turns slowly, and can't back up, so as long as you can slip behind him, you're golden.

More garbage. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME

Bingo bangai-o! Right inna sweet spot! A few more hits, and...

spin

spin

spin

EXPLODE
Matt: wut . .

Matt: Hey, gladiators bleed money! :D

POWER OF DA STICK!

Pompolonious: And taking a crack shot at the guy who threw an apple core at him earlier! Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark. And by "mark" I mean "life-threatening laceration".

ka-JUMP

Heck yeah, biz-natch!

Matt: I like swords :D
Pompolonious: Funny, the last fighter we had through said the same thing.

Finally, an actual WEAPON. Thank God for the Bronze Age.

One of those leaf crown thingies? Medical assistance? A Caeser salad? Half the kingdom and his daughter's hand in marriage?

Oh, Matt. You've been short one o' those for a long time. Why start now?

Pompolonious: Your mom, your mom, and your mom.
Matt: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE

Matt: What? But I haven't even told you my--
Pompolonious: I know these things. With smartness. Now get your ass over there and FETCH.

Oh, THAT sounds promising. Don't drink the Kool-Aid, Matt!

Matt: Could I interest you in enlightenment by way of the eldritch horrors of the great Old Ones instead?
Pompolonious: That doesn't sound nearly fluffy enough to be sacred!

Matt: Although I'm starting to doubt where his loyalties really lie, lately...
Andre: lol |3

Great and VAGUE power. C'mon, guys, you can tell us the secret! We're all friends here! ...right?

Duster? :O

This sounds like such a classic MST3K-movie line. I can practically see the silhouette against the silver screen and hear the weeping of Joel/Mike and the 'bots. I love it<3

FETCH QUEST AT STEVE'S, WOOOOOOO

y halo thar Mr. Wallface

Bad Guy: It's cool, it's cool. Got a guy on it. It's cool.

OH NO! It's actually Mr. Clean and his hellish army of Scrubbing Bubbles, out to disinfect the world with EVIL! WE'RE DOOMED!

Wallface: They'll get their FILTHY FILTHY hands all over them! Filthy...dirty...hands...

Wallface: I don't want any more precious relics getting swallowed, do you hear me?
Bad Guy: In my defense, fewer precious relics should look like candy.

Wallface: Filthy dirty filthy WHORES. GET ME MY GERM-X.

Wallface: so do WHORES. CHLAMYDIA IS NOT A FLOWER, NUMBER TWO.

Oooooooh, I hope it's an ice cream cake! :D ~Expect a visit from Fudgy the Whale, ice cream and crunchies in his fudgy tail...

Wallface: He unmasked the crusty old caretaker and proved that the giant bug was...well, a giant bug, but one that could be set on fire!

Note to self--find old coot on the other side of the river. I love player-omnipotence!

Bad Guy: Rocky ass.
Wallface: Meatbag whore.

Zounds! Our heroes have been reunited, but peril awaits them across the desert! And even if they retrieve the Diamond Eyes, can they survive the trap they'll inevitably return to? Find out...eventually in Screencaps of Evermore!

Next episode: More marketplace fun, the desert ferry, and more whining about the Diamond Eyes

Screencaps of Evermore--Brave New World

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 01:34:16 GMT

Well, here we are again. We would've been here sooner, but my body, in its kind and unerring benevolence, decided to get sick for the first time in over a year in the middle of Spring Break. And when I say "sick", I don't mean a head cold, oh no. I mean the Black Plague, the Crawling Ick, and the Screaming Spleenflops all at once. I could see music. And mucus. Lots of mucus. However, a week of writhing agony, a week of school (see also: writhing agony)~~, and a shameful amount of Brawl~~ later, I have returned! I'll try not to sneeze on you, promise.

Last time on Screencaps of Evermore, our protagonists delved deep into an active volcano, uncovered a sinister plot complete with requisite evil twin, and were blown sky-high in an eruption! Have they survived? If they have, where could they possibly have ended up? WHAT! WILL! HAPPEN?!

Two weeks by LJ's count, actually, but okay.

MATT! Matt, speak to me!

Are you okay, Matt? Are you conscious?

Are you...uh...

...uh, hey...

...is that a...

OMFG.

PIRATES.

Screw you, Matt, I am off for BUCCANEERING!

ha ha no seriously folks, I wouldn't leave him. C'mon, Matt, we believes in you! It's just a little ~~massive hemorrhage inside the skull~~ water in the lungs! Walk it off!

YAY! Oh, Matt, you are an action hero indeed :D

...d...don't say "orifice", honey. Just...don't.

:O DOGGY!

D:

I'M A-COMIN', BOY, HANG ON

Now, where were we?

Oh yeah, PIRATES! :D I'M A-COMIN', PIRATES, HANG ON

A bridge!

Check that: A bridge not far enough. Crap.

OMFG A PIRATE LOOK GUYS A PIRATE HE HAS AN ANCHOR AND EVERYTHING :D :D :D

Arrrr, me matey! Let's have a manly sparring match!

Matt: MY SPLEEN
Pirate: wtfARRRRRRver

RUN AWAAAAAAAAY we're all full of fear so let's get out of here RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY

Well, that was a brief and painful instruction in futility.

Maybe the local boozery will yield some clues as to our condition.

OMFG MORE PIRATES! AND MAYBE THESE ONES WILL BE TOO DRUNK TO HIT PROPERLY :D

Matt: Personal space wut? 8D

Pirate: There. I did my NPC bit. Get out of my loincloth.
Matt: You smell pretty 8D

OH YEAH WELL WHAT ABOUT--

--oh :B Yay for wandering where I'm not supposed to be yet and reaping the unseemly consequences!

His name is Tiny, and yet he's the strongest man around? Why, what a delightful farce! I shall have to tell my mates at the smoker of this one, friend, yes indeed.

It's hard to cap it, but these two are constantly punching each other. Ah, tavern atmosphere.

THERE CAUGHT IT VISUAL AID

"I won the Concussion Game! The prize is decreased motor skills :D"

I take it we're drinking at The Sniveling Sissy.

Barkeep: Especially weenie adventurers who order nothing but girly drinks. I'm runnin' out of paper umbrellas.

Ooh, next-generation treasure chests!

Uh...I think that's just the stopper, Matt. Maybe, y'know, check INSIDE it?
Matt: TREASURE :D

YOUR FINEST ALE, SHOPKEEP! Wait, should've done that in the bar, dang. Dropped the ball, there, Del

Aha! This is one of the more interesting aspects of the game--like the real world, each area you visit has its own currency. The things precious to each culture vary a fair bit. You can change money with any shopkeeper or, sometimes, an NPC specifically for that purpose. It's cool shut up.

YAY JEWELS! I know, I know, a pile of shiny rocks is just as useless as a pile of animal toenails, but at least these don't SMELL. Phew.

YAY I'M RICH IN A PRODUCT THAT WASN'T TORN BRUTALLY FROM SMALL MAMMALS

Rich enough that I finally feel good splurging on some Nectar! You'll be needing this stuff at this point, seriously.

asdfjal;tk;gh THERE ARE TOO MANY REFS TO MAKE. Although in a token show of geekiness, this part reminds me more of the wandering ghost you have to give water to in King's Quest VII than of certain trilogies which don't need to be named.

Pirate: I bet you're the man what's word got out in town on not having a sense of personal space.
Matt: 8D

Woof--! So much for being rich. Stupid "you're the main character and we know we can skin you for whatever we want" clause >(

At least it's GOOD armor.

ANDRE COME BACK SO I CAN SELL YOUR STUFF D:

Sure, you and your thirty-seven identical NPC cousins. I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER, BUCKO, IF THERE'S TREASURE TO BE FOUND I'LL DO THE FINDING.
Pirate: ; ;

HE SAID IT HE SAID "AHOY MATEY" YAY!

A cushy hammock and a lack of creepy old man standing over us? We have truly moved up in the world! Someday, we may even get a pillow!

I wish there was a clock on this game. It'd be nice to show you guys the practical time. Really, though, even I've lost track at this point.

ANYWAY.

Ah, the one-track mind of a pirate. IF: Treasure THEN: Looting; IF: Ale THEN: Whores

Did you ever think, perhaps, that you are too tender-hearted?

?

Hallo?

:O!

Must...not...make...Harry...Potter...jokes...

Ohhh, nothing good ever follows those words.

And that is nothing good D:

Only if you throw in the Brooklyn Bridge. Seriously, DO NOT BUY, kids. You can get these for 90 jewels on the other side of the desert. To be honest, though, I kind of like this--this is probably the only RPG I've heard of where buying an expensive item from a shady man doesn't turn out to be well worth your while. Just because you're the hero doesn't mean you're exempt from someone trying to make a quick buck.

Elevator!

That elevates! ...er, delevates. Whatever.

Okay, let's do this thing.

Gee, mister, are you going to sell me something too?

No, you're going to just hit me in the face. How refreshing.

Confound randomly reassigns your directional buttons, so left may be right and up may be left, like Mushroom from Earthbound but without the Confuse effect. It's not as deadly as Mushroom can be, but it's just as much a pain in the ass. I'm pretty sure I wandered straight offscreen again by accident in this case.

SO I TAKE MY REVENGE. Yup, murdering real people now. ESRB, eat your heart out! Or...don't, if that's too violent.

Another ???? spot! Have you been keeping track of where they are? I sure haven't :D

kldkfjgklgjl''k';;;sdfgk FREAKING PIRATES

DIE NOW IN THE FACE

A cave!

With a dude!

...wait a second.

Uh...uh...uh...

RUN AWAAAAAAAAY REDUX

OHGOD it is THE HEAD OF SALABOG, returned to us on the night of the anniversary of his BETRAYAL!

Oh hi Blimp :B

What, you didn't surf downstream on that HIDEOUS HEAD? It certainly looks...buoyant. Eyes like deflated beach balls, anyway.

seeing as it has PIRATES :D

And getting our asses kicked by aforementioned pirates.

A PREGNANT CUE LINE, PERHAPS

Honey, call the plumber, we've got dogs!

*pweeeeeet* A FANTASTIC DISMOUNT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TENS ACROSS THE BOARD

Oooooh, Andre is pretty! And strangely conducive to the urge to make large racing bets!

Hop!

Hop!

Hop!

De-hop!

sdf;la'lk;,thyl OH SHI

It is at this point that I realized that I totally forgot to ever speak to anyone as the Dog. It's a huge oversight on my part and I'm really sorry for it D: I will do my best to rectify this in the future. To be honest, though, you haven't missed that much--I'll be able to talk to the prehistoric villagers again, and for the most part, people just say something along the lines of "Good doggy". But still, I'm sorry! I'm so lame, I know.

Of course, if you're really curious, you can always play along at home...[/pimpage]

Anyway.

HEY GUESS WHAT I'M GONNA DO LADY

Missed the black screen, but there's a cut there. Shhh, pretend. Power of imaaaaaginaaaation.

Ooh, text box change. SINISTER.

Sorry, what? All I'm hearing here is "Rhubarb rhubarb evil rhubarb".

Gee, that doesn't sound suspiciously like a fetch quest, not at all.

CONGRATULATIONS, MRS. CUE LINE, IT'S TWINS

Andre: *sliiiiiiide*

Pompolonious: Wish for Lindsey Lohan naked and walking like a crab.
Mysterious Ruler: What?
Pompolonious: DO IT!

Dun dun DUUUUUN!

'nother missed cut. IMAGINATION IT UP, PEOPLE. GOD DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE >(

Matt: Then...you could make me a BALLOON dog as an Andre decoy! :D
Blimp: If you like explosions, sure.

Ahh, guess it's a good thing I ducked in the cave before exploring more. See? Total tactical maneuver and not me screaming and flailing! Totally!

Matt: Uh, thanks, Blimp, but I really only think of us as good friends--
Blimp: Wrong kind of crush.
Matt: Why, what did I say?

Almost a full roster! This spell is nice if you power it up, maybe? I never use it much, Limestone is expensive :<

FINALLY. Of course, we don't NEED it now...or do we? Better buy a few just in case.

See? EXPENSIVE. I NEED THAT MONEY. FOR HOARDING.

grumble grumble fine

Onward!

Hey, this isn't bad at all! Pshht, desert. I can run circles around this desert.
Andre: more like run around in circles in this desert |(
Aren't you supposed to be off being sacred? >(

OMFG GHOST PIRATE. SQUEE! I love this guy, seriously.

Why, no, sir! We are brave adventurers and blaze our own wild paths in this savage veldt!
Matt: :D

Yea, and verily one we shall conquer with due ferocity! Huzzah!
Matt: :D

...
Matt: *heatstroke* :D

okay buddy what's yer price

Amulet of Annihilation? (flips back a few pages) CRAP. CRAP CRAPPITY CRAP.

B-but...but...it's hot D:
Matt: :D

Fine. FINE. How bad can this stupid Desert of Doom be, anyway? Doom. Pshhht. Doom.

AAH SPIDERS

Correction: AAH SAND SPIDERS

At least there are oaseseseses. Es. How do you stop spelling that word?

Okay, fun trivia time: There is an alchemy formula you can get here. Possibly. See, there are four oaseseseseseses in the entire desert. When you stop at each one, your health is automatically restored, which is nice, because it goes down by 5 HP every couple of minutes from exposure. The fun part is that there's an infintesimally small chance of an NPC appearing and giving you Sting at any one of the oaseseseseseseesessesseseseesdfl;fk' at any given time. So infintesimally small that you could tramp back and forth in the desert for hours without ever seeing him. IT'S FUN. FUN, GUYS. LIKE CATCHING FEEBAS.

No, I've never gotten it. Shame. I've heard it involves people being covered in bees. PAIN!

Hey, a tumbleweed.

Correction: A MAN-EATING TUMBLEWEED

Further correction: A MAN-EATING TUMBLEWEED MAFIA

sdafjk;fajf THAT'S IT

ROCKS FALL, EVERYONE DIES!

sldfj';sklfg;fh; WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Finally--FINALLY--the end is reached. WHEE. Stupid sand spiders, stupid tumbleweeds, stupid ghost pirates, stupid oaseseseseseessesseseseseesseeseleventy STUPID THIS STUPID THAT STUPID STUPID STUPID

*wheeze* ...I need a nap.

Anyway, let's blow this complete lack of popsicle stands.

And enter...

Huh.

So all roads DO lead to Rome.

Tune in next time to hear our mystery guest say: "Madness? THIS IS ANTIQUA!"

Screencaps of Evermore--A Hot Time in the (Very, Very) Old Town Tonight

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 06:15:23 GMT

Guten tag, fellows! Spring break is upon us, and with it, hopefully, some productivity! ...yeah, that's gonna happen. But hey, at least I managed to ~~stop reading fansmut~~ ~~stop watching Doctor Who~~ ~~stop playing FFXII~~ ~~stop playing Mother~~ pause in my busy schedule of selflessly giving puppies ice cream long enough to update! ISN'T NASTINA GENEROUS wait no

In the last edition, Boy and Dog got hopelessly lost in a large and very expensive swamp, proved that snake eating isn't just for reticulated pythons anymore, and finally received the coveted alchemical ingredient needed for a vital formula. Will they be able to conquer the Vipers inside the rapidly-cooling volcano? Let's find out!

I spared you the trip back through the swamp. I am so bad with that area. SO BAD.

Andre: I'm poisoned here >(
It's WIGGLY-WOOP TIME, walk it off

Let's ROCK! THAT! ROCK!

Wiggly-woop

Wiggly-woop

Wiggly-woop

Wiggly-woop

Wiggly-woop

Wiggly-woop

Wiggly-woop this is fascinating isn't it

Wiggly-woop

Wiggly-wooooooooooop.

YAY!

Pwoop :( We'll have to rectify this situation soon enough.

But in the meantime, into the volcano! It's a nice, creepy theme with a lot of strange noises and echoes. No, that's not someone going "woogle-woogle" with a sheet of tin, what are you talking about

I hate it when I end up with enemies above me. Plz don't jump on my head, Mr. Viper :<

So yeah. The volcano is your standard-issue video game Lav-a-matic, with the key difference of there being big rocks blocking the way forward every five seconds. Obviously, we need some Levitation goin' down...er...up, here. Better look around for some Mud Peppers.

Not a Mud Pepper :(

Not a Mud Pepper :(

Mud Pepper! :D

And I can even levitate it right from here! That's what I call user-friendly! Well, as user-friendly as you get inside a volcano, at least.

Wiggly-woop

Wiggly-woop

Wiggly-woooooop. Dang, I had hoped I'd be able to step across it. I RESCIND MY USER-FRIENDLY COMMENT.

TEH MIGHTY HUNTAR DANCES ON THE GRAVE OF HIS QUARRAY. Oh dang, another rock D:

sdlkjldfhysdkl;'l;kjl; EVERYTHING BLEEDS PETALS

Generally, when given a choice of paths to take in here (and you will get a lot), you wanna go up first.

And this is why. THESE rocks are our friends :D

WHAMPH I HIT THE ROCK

Rock: *hover* :B
Matt: Psst...gravity.
Rock: OH SHI

Rock: *dies and is ded*
Andre: lol suffering

Ta-da! Path ho!

VIPER GANG HO ALSO AAAAAH

ka-PATH

ka-PEPPER

ka-POWER

A rock or two later, we reach...MORE VOLCANO! I am psyched people, psyched

A cave without a dude! :O This is a first.

Oh boy, I almost have enough for a Yellow Flute now :D

Why are people who live INSIDE A VOLCANO collecting bits of ash? Isn't that kind of like a New Yorker collecting hobos? THEY'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, GUYS.

Welp, these rocks won't lift themselves. Back to work.

Now that I've seen the terrain, I'm kind of questioning the intelligence of the species living on it. Isn't it dangerous enough living in a volcano without the factor of wheels + sharp cliffs that drop directly into boiling lava? The Darwinian imperative is not strong in these ones.

Which makes me feel better about DRIVING THEM TO EXTINCTION >D

THE LAST ONE HOORAY! I think this was the one I missed the first time through. Backtracking to Blimp's hut out of half the volcano and the ENTIRE swamp was NOT fun.

Uh, Matt, maybe you shouldn't be standing there--

Rock: *CLONK*
Matt: :D
Sweet BUGGERY your head is hard :O

wtf wtf wtf. I know there's always a sewer level, but in a VOLCANO? Something strange is afoot here.

:O

Matt: Saw you!
Raptor: No you didn't!

Raptor: *goosh goosh goosh goosh*

Raptor: AND AWAY

asdfksdjfhlalhtk;ytjhkl ROM CRASH FTL D: D: D: And guess what? The last time I had saved was in Blimp's hut, so I got to do a mirror journey of my mishap from last time. WHEEEEEEEEE.

In truth, though, it was for the best...

...because I missed a room! This game loves hiding people in walls, I swear.

Trial and error, sir. Trial and error.

Because nothing says "paragon of safety and comfort" like the inside of an active volcano.

Inside of an active volcano filled with murderous lizards, right, forgot that part.

Quick! Somebody invent the SUV! Wait, we don't have fossil fuel yet, do we? Touchy subject. I guess we'll just save the world, then. I guess.

I picture him saying this in the most sarcastic tone EVER. Hand-waving and eye-rolling and all. I think Matt gets that a lot.

A good ASS-KICKING

Or just drugs. If there's Drano in that formula, I'm out of here, mister.

I can't snort that :< WHAT KIND OF DEALER ARE YOU

Fine, I'll take your janky-ass formula. This isn't one I use a lot, but I'll try to remember to use it at least once for you guys.

sdusf'pikp'';jl WHERE WERE YOU BEFORE MY ROM CRASHED

The next time I'm dicking around in the bowels of an active volcano, sure. Are you the brother of the guy up top?

Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, sewers. How...picturesque.

Welp, not getting any less stench-ridden. Might as well get it over with.

Harry Mason: Have you seen my little daughter?
Matt: wtf
Harry Mason: Oh yeah, and watch out for the ceiling lizards.
Matt: AAAAAH *dismemberment*
Harry Mason: Huh. Body parts. What's up with these body parts?
Andre: dorks |(

Wheeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

AAAAAAAAAAAAH

What ho, what ho, what ho! A fresh byway!

...that leads back to the beginning. Pwoop.

In case you didn't pick up on the scenery, this area is a maze of pipes that drop into different rooms. It's actually not as bad as you'd think, as there are more pipes than rooms--just try every turn, and you'll be out before you know it. This is especially easy if you have a ROM and can rewind every time you take a wrong turn. YES I'M A BIG FAT CHEATER I KNOW. I've done it legit, shut up.

Oh yeah, some of the rooms are filled with flesh-eating dinosaurs. Forgot to mention, sorry.

Matt stops...

...and apparently looks THROUGH THE WALL. Matt, is there something you're not telling us? Have you been eating Gamma-O's for breakfast?

Thank you, Captain States-the-Obvious.

Hm, a room with a light over it. I WONDER IF THAT MIGHT BE IMPORTANT.

Bingo bangai-o!

YAY!

...wait, do we have to get back there now? Crap.

Makes me wanna STAB SOMETHING

:O IT SPEAKS

Gosh, that's a nice thing for a guy with a spear in his viscera to say.

Viper: Some of us are barbarians!

Viper: But not the Plesiosaurs. Snooty bastards.
Andre: *kills random bugs in acute boredom*

Matt: Golly, Mr. Viper, you're all right :D
Viper: I'm also bleeding profusely.
*laughtrack*

~Movin' on up

Man, I'm racking up a lot of clingy friends here. Nothing's worse than a dinosaur sobbing "WHY DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME" at you.

Anyway, backtracking time. Whee.

Oh yeah, you can run against the current, it's just reaaaaally slow. Better off rewinding.

And so we continue our...JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH

This is...atypical center of the earth fare :/ What the heck is going on, anyway?

Hey, that looks like...

:O!

kiddo!

Yeah, I lost a screenshot. I suck :<

OR MAYBE MATT JUST INTERRUPTED HER. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

I wish I could make an entrance like that. Girl got style, yo.

*cough*

She's gonna say it. Ohhhh, she's gonna say it. Say it!

SHE SAID IT SHE SAID IT WE HAVE EVIL TWINNAGE :D I love this game so much. SO MUCH.

THIS IS CLASSIC STUFF, HERE.

Um, Evil!Fire Eyes?

~The sun is a mass of incandescent gas
A gigantic nuclear furnace
Where hydrogen is built into helium
At a temperature of millions of degrees
The sun is hot
The sun is not
A place where we can live
But here on Earth
There'd be no life
Without the light it gives

NOT volcano. SUN. You fail at heat.

And you fail at Ice Age. YOU ARE TWINS.

Fire Eyes: But won't you be worse off, as reptiles are cold-blooded?
Evil!Fire Eyes: SHUT UP MONOLOGUING

ka-DRAMATIC PAUSE

Your Fire Eyes a'splode D:

Matt: HELLO :D
Andre: > <

Hum.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

My screencapping is awesome, I know |D

Okay, yeah. I forgot to get this thing's name, but he basically rolls around, casts heat spells, breathes fire, and makes a whole mess o' trouble. This wouldn't be so bad...

...if he couldn't HEAL HIMSELF WITH FIRE. So much hate for self-healing bosses. SO MUCH HATE.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Nyeeeeeroop!

Andre charges to full capacity, and...

KAPOW! Now we're cookin' with environmentally-friendly gasoline substitute :D

Matt's girly arms are much less impressive. PUT SOME BACKBONE INTO IT, SONNY

Oh yeah, those heat spells hit HARD. Lot of healing needs to be happening here.

He randomly freaks out sometimes. I think Detritus here has issues :<

TOO BAD

No, I didn't randomly teleport, I rewound. No, I don't remember why. I'm brilliant |D

Well, I should hope so. It'd be a pretty sucky game otherwise.

*cough*

Evil!Fire Eyes' Valtiel impression is a real hit at parties.

Why, where are you--

--oh. Your Evil!Fire Eyes a'splode D:

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Screen: *shakeshake*

Oh no.

Oh crap.

Oh shit!

OH FU--

BADABOOOOOM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa *wheeze* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaah forget it.

Why, a River Beside the Volcano! (See what I did there? Clever!)

WHAM

Oh, hey, this isn't so bad.

Matt: :D
Andre: |(

Matt: :)
Andre: |(

Matt: :O
Andre: |(

Matt: D:
Andre: |(

more AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Excel: *falls by* HAIL ILPALAZZOOOOOOOOO!
Andre: buncha dorks |(

Lovely overlays, really, just lovely.

...wait, where were we?

Oh yeah. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And so fades the scene! Will this ridiculously long fall be the last for Boy and Dog? Find out next time, in Screencaps of Evermore: Brave New World!

mmmmmmmelodrama |D

Screencaps of Evermore--Snake Eater

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 06:43:41 GMT

Yeah, it's been awhile. School again, sorry. But hey, how better to ignore impending algebra homework than to read inane comments over an overlay of screenshots?

Last time, our intrepid heroes solved the village's troubles only to be informed that hey, yeah, more peril, and close the door on your way out, kthxbye. We left them at the foot of a rapidly cooling volcano, in search of the evil Vipers' lair. Will they be successful in their quest? Probably not for a couple more editions yet, but we can pretend!

Previous editions

Matt: Wow, it feels like I've been standing here for almost a month.
Andre: wtfever you moron

Spears do great damage, but they're a little harder to use. Both swords and axes swing close to the body, but you have to be standing a bit farther away with spears, as shown here. Takes awhile to get used to, and a pain when dealing with small enemies, but totally worth it. The spear is also the only weapon you can use in a true long-range attack--if you charge to Level 1 or beyond, the Boy will wind up and throw it a good half-screen. This is the ONLY way to physically harm one boss, so it's a good skill to hone early on.

oh God friggin' gate IF I GET BRAINS DRIPPED ON ME I AM OUT OF HERE SO FAST

Huh, that wasn't too bad.

AAAAAAH RUN AWAY RUN AWAY

Okay, so maybe a little level-building wouldn't kill me.

At least, not with a well-applied formula or two :D

It's a dinky amount of HP at the moment, but it grows exponentially as you level the spell--which, by the way, it's worth doing before moving on.

Okay, that's a little better, let's try this again.

GOT ONE :D

God, EVERYTHING bleeds petals. EVERYTHING.

AGH OH GOD THE PAIN

Okay, ONE MORE TIME.

Right, if that doesn't do it, I don't know what will.

Hey, a cave!

With a...aaah, you know the drill.

By the time I finished my marathon levelling the last time I played, this guy could've bought a solid gold ankylosaurus with my money. A solid gold ankylosaurus from the Solid Gold Ankyloporium. my good God I'm tired

ANYWAY wow, lot of caves in this area.

Pshht, I'm not buyin' your stupid overpriced merchandise and there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME

Except, uh, sic your attack plant on my dog.
Andre: |(

This is becoming rote.

Crap!

CRAP!

CRAP ON CRAPCAKES!

PANIC PANIC PANIC

AH HA HA HA HA I AM TRIUMPHANT!

Not bad, considering this thing is probably still dripping vital fluids :D

Whoo, that was randomly intense. Moving on.

Ah, I randomly managed to catch a defense pose here. When you're attacked, if you tap B at the right moment (and you're lucky), the attack will be neutralized and your stamina bar will be charged back to 100%. Very useful if you can manage, and neat-looking too :D

Huh, a hole.

OMGWTFBBQ

Whew.

AAAAH

Ah, I see. Fwoosh-spots to go up, holes to go down. Got it.

FWOOSH

FWOOSH

FWOO--sorry, knee-jerk reaction

The top of the volcano! :O

Matt: HI DUDE

Matt: BYE DUDE

~He flies through the air with the greatest of ease, that daring young man and his dog filled with fleas

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAoh. Anticlimactic. Wait, doesn't physics dictate that his spine should've shot out of his back? On fire?

WHUMPH

Well, that was interesting and highly unlikely. OH HEY A GUY

Why thank you :D

Matt: OKAY :D

Matt: :D

Matt: Oh...oh right, that's bad, isn't it :(

Which we're standing in the middle of, WTF is with that, anyway

HOW CONVENIENT.

That's the power of flight, Holmes. That do anything for ya? How about the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away...WITH MIND BULLETS?! That's telekinesis, Kyle! How about the power...to move you?

Whoo, Tenacious D attack, sorry. Moving on.

OH BOY FORMULA :D VOLCANO AHOY!

Wait, what?

what

OH JOY, ANOTHER SWAMP. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. I mean, yeah, I know you don't have a lot else around here, but seriously guys. SRSLY.

OH, I SEE YOUR GAME.

Well, considering the top of a volcano can't get a lot of customers happening by, fine, I'll throw a few Talons at you. FINE.

I will never call you.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Again, strange lack of compound fractures. Oh, well.

Exploring the other fwooshes yields an item or two, but nothing particularly warranting cappage.

To the swamp!

D'aaaaaw, it's so cute! Who's an ickle froggie, den? :D

D'aaaaaw, its name is so cute! :D

okay YES I have an unhealthy love of these things. They're bouncy, shut up.

Hey, an area!

Ah, another one of these places. Curious yet? THAT'S PART OF THE FUN.

Anyway, marsh time. D'aaaaaw, ickle Frippo butt :D

What ho, a lilypad!

A highly useful lilypad! Keep an eye out for these, you need them to get through the marsh. Which, by the way, is a gigantic maze. WHEE.

D'aaaaaw, ickle Frippo damage :D These things are a pain in the neck to kill with a spear, by the by, but you REALLY want to get the spear up to at least Level 1 before the next boss battle. Heed my warning! Heed my warning!

Even though I get horribly lost here, this is one of my favorite areas. It's terribly pretty, filled with Frippos, and has one of my favorite ambient themes. AHA, YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT THE MUSIC, DIDN'T YOU? ...yeah, I did, sorry. But it's lovely, have a listen! I like the part that goes "Gloop, gloop, drip".

Did I mention I get lost here? A lot?

sdlfkakahsty;ydstaf WHY DOES EVERYTHING BLEED PETALS

AHA! See, the trick of this swamp is that there are lode-bearing Frippos scattered around--kill them, and a lilypad leading forward will appear. They're generally located in dead ends, but if you're not killing everything in sight, you run the risk of missing one and going in circles for ages. But hey, why wouldn't you kill everything in sight? This is an RPG!

I initially screencapped all of these, not for posterity, but because I was being driven slowly insane by my vague wanderings. There are something like six or seven in all. If you have trouble, there's no shame in a walkthrough. I just didn't use one because I'm an obsessive MORON.

Nice!

SWEETNESS! I'm gonna use these someday, promise. Really.

This should give you an idea of how long I've been here. WHERE AM I D:

Ooh, totally worth it, though.

After the better part of an hour, I finally--FINALLY--remembered the way through. YAY!

Gee, this looks...promising. Promising of DEEP HURTING.

Hm.

Hm.

HM.

Matt: HI FISHDUDE :D

Snake?

Snake?!

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

TIME PARADOX

God, that thing creeps me out D: NECK. EYES. BAD. It's constantly swaying back and forth in an unnerving manner, too.

And sweet CRAP it bites hard D:

Salabog, huh? Ugly name for an ugly boss.

Okay, so basically it surfaces in front of one of three of these little sections, and--

OW

Oh yeah, it spits little marshfire enemies. That's actually pretty cool now that I'm better informed! LOOK, LOOK, YOU LEARNED SOMETHING, THIS IS A VALID ~~WASTE~~ USE OF YOUR VALUABLE TIME

Anyway, it surfaces, spits fire, bites a bit, and then you're free to...

B'SHAM! Technically, you can lure it into biting at you and then stab/axe it, but this has always been most effective and satisfying for me.

KNOW WHAT

SPEAR IN YOUR TRACHEA

IS WHAT

OW FIRE

Woo! Pretty much totally useless to me right now, but a maxed-out Dog attack is the most fearsome thing you can offer most enemies.

Better look at the lunge. Man, am I glad you can't get hurt while healing D:

sad;sjfkl;y

YES!

The segments explode one-by-one, but I ended up in a position where you can't see a danged thing, GO ME.

FEAR MAH SPEAR

Aw, I like "Fishdude" better.

That'd explain the smell.

wtf way to step on my line Matt >(

ka-BRIDGE

Gee, this is...this is nice.

That's 100 Rupees! Your face is beaming!
Matt: :D

Matt: D:

ka-THROW

Not until a good fifty screens later, when you're SCREWED if you didn't pick it up--wait, wait, this isn't a parser game, sorry.

ka-THROW

wtf where did you get that D: RUN MATT

ka-THROW

WOOHOO! That only took a redonkulous amount of time |D

Yes, for this part of the game, you can only get ONE at a time. When you start needing them, you'll get the one you need in the area, move on, need another, get another in that area, and so on. However, if for whatever reason, you can't find the treasure chest in the area, you can tramp all the way back to Blimp's Hut for a spare. Not ideal and not fun, but a kindness to people who would otherwise be totally stuck. THEY'RE TRYING, FOLKS, REALLY

As long as my nostrils have shriveled up and died, sure, what the heck.

Tum te tum, doin' the usual, tum te tum

Matt: BYE FISHDUDE :D

What a nice guy. I love Blimp, I do.

...wait. Does this mean I have to navigate my way back through the entire swamp?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

To be continued

Screencaps of Evermore--The Belly of the Beast

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 03:59:03 GMT

Previous editions

Guten tag, everyone! Real life has been attempting to eat my face off lately, but I've managed to fend it off long enough to bring you a crisp, fresh batch of Delcaps! Don't you feel lucky?

Well, consider yourself luckier! IoAlbinaNeko has been kind enough to allow me to show her Secret of Evermore goodies to you! Gosh, I love audience participation.

First off, a set of save files from the previous owner of her SoE game. Yes, an actual cartridge. I'm amazed too. Quotage happens now:

First not-mine save. Pretty nifty; I wonder if that was the name of this person's real dog.

Second not-me save, and SOMEONE LIKES CAPS.

Third not-me save, and this is totally the awesomest! Actually, the one I wound up overwriting was pretty awesome too. It looked like someone's screen name, or original character names or something. Dammit, why didn't I overwrite the dumb all-caps one instead? >_>; Oh well...

See, this is what I was talking about! See what I mean about a glimpse into a stranger's mind? See the infinite variety of the human mind evidenced in a series of casual names? See the hidden world behind the hidden world of the average household gaming cartridge? ARE YOU FEELIN' ME, FOLKS

*cough* Sorry.

Anyway, there's also fanart courtesy of Io! Lovely fanart, too.

Io mentions she should ink and color this at some point. I agree, because I like color (color color color wheeeee), but it's quite nice as is, don't you think? Please note that voluntary wtf syndrome is apparently not limited to my version of Dog.

Shades of Dog, and of things to come! Awwwww, I wanna pet 'im, he's so cute and liable to tear my arm off possibly :D

SPREAD THE WORD THAT NOT BEING A SEQUEL TO SECRET OF MANA DOES NOT IN ANY WAY MAKE SoE STUPID >( AND THAT IT IS IN FACT AWESOME. SAUCE. AWESOMESAUCE.

We shall try, Io! Thank you for your sharination! ~~Oh God I'm in Redd White mode now~~

Last week, our intrepid heroes were deep in a forbidding ~~cloaca~~ cave, facing down spinal dinosaurs, attack maggots, and AT LEAST NINE THOOOOOUSAND collapsing bridges. At long last, they saw a light at the end of the tunnel, only to find it blocked by something terrible. What could be worse than another trip down that danged slide? Time to find out!

Hey, that's not so bad. That's only a thirty-foot bug. It could've been a fifty-foot bug.

...WAIT A SECOND THIRTY-FOOT BUG OH SHI

Man, I love me some bugs, but that's still D:

Okay, let's do this. Battle With Thraxx kinda takes a backseat to the neat noises she makes, but enh. Pretty much the second the cutscene stops, Thraxx roars, which throws both Dog and Boy against the back wall and causes damage, so let's hope your RPG senses acted up at that forbidding door and made you heal up. As you can see, it knocked Andre into submission.

Perfect chance to show off the Dog Biscuit animation. Ooooo, shiny.

Andre: Ready to go, sarge! ...I guess.

Every time you kill the maggots onscreen, another three will drop from the ceiling. At least, I HOPE it's the ceiling they're dropping from, I don't want to think about the alternative. Anyway, since the boss herself is a bit complicated to do damage to, it's best to let the Dog deal with the crawlies while the Boy...

...marches up and plays Thraxx's ribcage like a xylophone. KNOCK KNOCK, ANYONE IN THERE

Of course, if you wanna knock on multiple targets (at least, at first), that's good too.

OW. Ohhh, she didn't like that. Look, though, did you see the ribcage open? Oh yeah, we are so crawling into that seething thorax.

Matt: wait, wut? In WHERE? D:

You heard :D

If we're not DISSOLVED WHERE WE STAND first, that is

Pshhht, the maggots hit harder than that. IN WE GO.

Aside from the Acid Rain spell, you're safe from Thraxx inside her chest cavity. Have the Dog hold off the maggots, and the Boy is free to charge up and...

WHACK! Right inna rocks! ...well, heart. Close enough.

She'll roar your party across the room every time you hit her heart, but with that kind of damage...

...cardiac arrest isn't far off.

And by "cardiac arrest", I mean "gigantic explosion". Insert "heartburn" joke...here.

Matt: HEY LOOK A SHARP THING :D

Matt: YEAH, THAT :D
Andre: get over here you twat

Matt: After some MANLY POSING :D
Andre: good gawd

Matt: WHEEEEEEEEEEEE

Matt: EEEEEoops.
Strong Heart: It's okay, it's not like I needed my liver.

Strong Heart: But your Strong Heart is in another thorax.
Matt: Did that line already, dude.
Strong Heart: That's what Mario said, too.

Plot point? POSSIBLY.

Matt: You WERE eaten alive.
Strong Heart: I was getting better!

Oh, it's...ingredients for the spell I didn't use. Gee. Thanks.

Into the daylight! Funny, looks a lot smaller from out here. You'd think that after crawling through a giant insect carcass, the opposite would seem true.

Ooh, a Mammoth Guard! That'll come in handy if I have to guard against any mammoths!

Hm, respectable. I like that it actually looks like a hollowed-out tusk ~~because I'm a fag for details like that~~.

The route back to town takes place on a higher plane than 70% of the enemies onscreen, so it's nice and relaxed and you can even observe the wildlife without it breaking your ankles. Always a plus on return trips.

Hey, notice anything funny about this screen? Look close.

Yup, you can duck under here! This place is easy to miss if you're in a hurry...

...but you'll regret it. WHEEEEE LOOT

Oodles of alchemical ingredients, and...

...a dude!

Where were you like five minutes ago >(

Matt: Friendly banter promotes camaraderie :D
Andre: wtfever

Aweso--wait, did you say lava? Where does lava come into this equation? I didn't sign up for lava.

I never, ever use this, but I'll at least show you what it does later. I'm nice like that.

ASDJTL;IHDGJKL WHERE WERE YOU LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO

BOY HOWDY WOULD I

Multiple saves! MULTIPLE SAVES ARE YOUR FRIEND. ESPECIALLY IN THIS GAME. NEVER FORGET THAT. There are a couple places where you can get stuck for good if you screw up. I'll be flagging these in advance for those playing along, BUT IT'S STILL A REALLY GOOD HABIT TO GET INTO SO DO IT ANYWAY. CAPS.

Whoa, I ranted myself straight into the next screen. Sorry.

R.I.P. Steve "Two Ribcages" Johnson. He died from rockin' too hard. And also being built funny.

Oooooo, kudzu! You can hack and slash as much as you want with the Bone Crusher, but this stuff is impenetrable.

UNTIL NOW, THAT IS >D

Your Skelesnail a'splode :(

But hey, it's full of Petals! Does everything bleed Petals?

I AM THE LAWNMOWER MAN

:O! Another one! I forgot about this little guy. PROBABLY BECAUSE I CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HIM EITHER AASDKHHLKT;J I'M RIGHT NEXT TO HIM AND I STILL CAN'T DO ANYTHING WHYYYYYY

*cough* Sorry.

D'hurrrrr, chopping down the only barrier between enemies and my tender young flesh when I'm down to 5 HP is fun :D :) :B

Hahaha, I walked straight into the weakest enemy in the game and died for the first time. I'M BRILLIANT.

So yeah, Game Over. If you get killed in the jungle by something besides raptors before you name the dog, it just shows up as "(boy) and his dog never returned".

But I can cheat, so lol j/k

This area is, ummm...oh yeah, we'll be coming back here later. Like, later later, once you've all forgotten about it.

No sense in not looting it now, though :3

DEATH BY FLOWER REDUX Man, I was really firing on all four cylinders at this point. It was late and I was tired, bite me.

DAAAAH DAH DAH DAH TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO THE VILLAGE AND SUCH

DAH DAH DAH DAAAAAAH DAH RABBID CHORUS DAAAAAAAAAAAH

DAH DAH DAH DAAAAoh hell it's always SOMETHING with you people, isn't it >(

:D

D:

THERE THANK YOU THAT IS WHAT GRATITUDE IS SUPPOSED TO SOUND LIKE

Hmmm, I'll make a note of it. Thanks, kid.

Precocious and mysterious cave-child ho!

ha ha I actually get that now :B

So much like an axe you'd think that maybe we'll be palette-swapping to actual axes at some point, at a matter of fact! Man, spiders would be in trouble if they actually had axes for claws. They'd just sit on the edge of their webs going "Gosh, I wish I could climb out there and eat that bug without accidentally cutting him free. Man, I'm hungry :B". Poor bastards, victims of an overly aggressive evolutionary trend. What next? Centipedes with cannonball feet? Butterflies with javelin proboscii? The Amazing Spring-Loaded Chakram Pillbug?

...sorry, were we talking about something?

Oh. Quite right. Moving on, then.

Matt: YOU'RE NOT EVEN LOOKING >(

Yay!

Crap!

I blame global warming. IT'S COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE, DON'T YOU SEE

Matt: Isn't that, uh, kinda how it works?
Fire Eyes: >(
Matt: Geez, sorry I asked.

Wow, I never would have guessed. Occam's what?

Ahh, that explains why the Cro-Magnon Squad sounds like they've been to grammar school. Nice.

Matt: Well, I must say you've aged very well, ma'am.
Fire Eyes: >(
Matt: Whaaaaat?

Outside Influences: Does this bug you? I'm not touching you! Woooooooo!

Matt: I like a girl who can alliterate :D
Fire Eyes: >(

SAUCE PLZ?!!?!1elventy

Fire Eyes: Pay no attention to those ruby slippers.

I think I've had this conversation before. (P.S.: Zombie vampires = total awesomeness thxvrymch)

Great! Now where are my Booty Call Beads? :D

I habitually hoard these like crazy like I hoard everything else like crazy, but I will use them eventually for you guys, promise. Eventually. ~~Even though I might really need them later MUST HOARD MUST HOARD~~

Matt: You're a GIRL, you know >(

because her BRIGHT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYES BUUUUUUUUUURN LIKE FIRE sorry sorry I held out as long as I could man

Matt: Done so :D

Hm. I've often seen a girl without glasses, but never glasses without a girl. Except...uh...I kind of have. Dang, that sucked. Sorry. Move along, nothing to see here.

Matt: Well that was lame--

Explosion: KRACKITYBOOM
Matt: GREAT GOOGALY MOOGALY
Andre: pshhht

Matt: Well, at least she didn't say--
Fire Eyes: --bee-YOTCH.
Matt: CRAP!

A couple fresh elements show up around the firepit after the spell.

Not hard to guess which ones.

~La dee dah, continuing to ponce about the village instead of healing despite that I'm only currently held together by tendons and spit, la dee dah

all right already jeez

Okay, so not only do we have a bee named Buzz ~~Buzz~~, we have the ancient ancestor of the spinning signpost lizards in Mother 3. FREAKING AWESOME!

Talk to him again, and...

T'hee hee :D These bits are what stick with me, for whatever reason. IT'S LIKE I KNEW THEY WERE MOTHER-RELATED EVEN THEN FATE FATE I TELLS YA

*cough* Sorry.

It's because my intestines are hanging out, isn't it? IT'S ONLY A FLESH WOUND.

Woohoo! I was probably supposed to get these earlier, actually, but I was in too much of a hurry |D

Okay, I guess I'll rest up. I guess. If you're gonna be HP Nazis about it.

Never can have too many save states :D

I don't like the sound of that D:

Now that I have some cash, I can finally get equipped.

Oooo, nice sizable stat-bump there. WELL WORTH MY TALONS, SIR.

south to see Strong Heart blah blah blaaaaah

HACK

SLASH

Oh shi--I JUST BOUGHT A HAT >(

Dangit. This is why you should never buy equipment too fast.

Matt: Look, I'm telling you, you were totally--
Strong Heart: LA LA LA NOT LISTENING

Unlike Final Fantasy, in SoE, Cure cures you and Heal heals you. A NOVEL CONCEPT. Seriously, has anyone else ever wondered about that? It's so very...Square.

Gonna come in handy soon.

Never too many save states :D what I'm not traumatized WHAT

Stupid expensive hat >(

Okay, we are so totally ready for those palette-swapped flowers now :D WE HAVE MOVED UP.

Huh. Wonder why they call it that.

Oh :B

Rescue Team Alpha Andre GO :D

Andre: >(

Seriously, folks, watch out for these things. They have a long reach, and while one hit will free you, your partner isn't always terribly on the ball. Don't be afraid to swap and smack.

Gee, think we'll be coming back to this later? I WONDER.

A cave!

With a dude! This is a theme in this world, you might have noticed.

asdklfjklt;th if you try to sell me a hat I will stab you in the FACE.

Okay, that's reasonable. Stabbing will wait...for now.

I'll be back for you later, rock >(

D: To those new to my journal, I have a phobia of elephants. Surprisingly, I spent a long time here (a LONG time, more on that in a second) when I was a kid without being bothered, and only recently went "Wait...MAMMOTHS ARE LIKE ELEPHANTS D:", but THE DAMAGE HAS NOW BEEN DONE.

I'm not scared of spiders, though :D Hi, guy!

Although that's annoying.

Poison works the same as it does in any RPG, little bits of damage taken off over time. It'll wear off eventually...

...but what the heck, we have a new spell to use.

I caps gud |B

Pshhht, right. You're just a dinky little--

AAAAH SPIDER MAFIA RUN RUN YOU FOOLS

Okay, stop for a bit here.

Remember I mentioned how there are places you can get stuck for good in this game if you're not careful? I did once. A boss two worlds away, hours and hours, brought my game to a screeching halt. I did everything and anything, couldn't beat it. Unfortunately--wacky little thing here--I saved in a spot where the only enemies around were quick-moving rats, at four EXP a pop. That's less than the flowers around here give. I had to start MY ENTIRE GAME OVER FROM SCRATCH. HOURS AND HOURS OF GAMEPLAY LOST.

Needless to say, I was...a little traumatized. I started my game over again, but decided to level-build like crazy long before the Verminator reared his ugly head.

So I sat here in the Graveyard and popped spiders at 40 EXP a go. Looking at my stats now, that's twenty-six spiders just for level 9, with EXP needed appreciating with each level.

I made it to level 30 before leaving.

THIS IS THE KIND OF THING VIDEO GAME TRAUMA WILL DO TO YOU, KIDS. Although, come to think of it, this was shortly before I was diagnosed with textbook obsessive-compulsive disorder... :B

On the plus side, I totally owned his ass later...and the ass of every boss in between :D

Anyway. Bug goop! Man, that looks poisonous.

So I'm going to eat Petals out of it. Everything bleeds Petals, huh?

Whoops walked into a cutscene

I'd rather not be here, believe me D:

oh God i'm gonna have nightmares D:

Vipers! Funny, I was expecting something less...feetier?

Still got the ssss ssss down, though.

Okay, let's try this thing.

WAIT A SECOND THAT'S THRAXX'S ATTACK

YOU DOUBLE-DEALING--AAAAH

Does crap damage, too >(

Every once in a while, the gray guy rolls down and whacks you if you're not careful. You know, this is totally what I think of when I think "Viper", is rolling spikeballs with feet. That's sound biology, that.

Palette swap = superiority. Again, sound biology.

Not THAT superior, though >D

YEEHAW! The Spear is the strongest of the basic triptych of weapons you get in every world--at least, until we get my Poosh back. That's a long time comin' :<

KREEGAH! KREEGAH BUNDOLO!

*whine*

Matt: They had FEET.
Man: Biology teachers haven't evolved yet, okay?

WHY, IN MY DAY, WE USED EVERY DANGED PART OF THE MAMMOTH[/Larson]

Or maybe melt, seeing as the core of a volcano is a BAD THING

BUUUUURNING LIKE FIIIIIIRE no no no FOCUS

Oh no, I'm fiiiiine. MY FEMUR IS STICKING OUT OF MY SPLEEN OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO HEAL MY WOUNDS

YES!

Oh boy oh boy

oh boy oh boy

OH BOY :D This is gonna hold us from now until the last tenth of the game. USE IT WELL.

And so we leave Boy and Dog in a horrible, horrible boneyard, grimly awaiting their coming sidequest.

...what, you didn't think we'd reach the Volcano THAT easily, did you?

To be continued

Screencaps of Evermore--On our way to Bug Cit-ay

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 00:38:10 GMT

Previous edition

Before we get started, I figured I'd post a little mini-tutorial on the time-manipulation buttons in ZSNES, since some people apparently don't know about them. They're super-handy, and it only takes like five seconds to set 'em up if you know what you're doing. And now you will! If you're not interested, feel free to scroll on.

'Kay, here's what ZSNES looks like when you boot it up. If it doesn't, you probably need troubleshooting beyond my capacity, sorry.

We wanna go over here, click the Misc tab, and click Game Keys...

...bringing us to this menu, which is full of delectable goodness :D Admittedly, I've only ever screwed with a few of these, but I enjoy the ones I do screw with. Click on any black-and-green window next to a description, and a box telling you to enter the key you want set there will pop up. Press the key you want, and you're set!

The Rewind key is gamer's best friend. One press will rewind whatever you're playing by just a few seconds.

One quick jab turns this...

...into this. It's a heck of a lot easier than save states, and I probably never would've gotten that lovely treasure count you can see there without it. Not that I suck at Kirby Superstar (I am the GOD, thank you), but I never COULD get past that one part where you have to drag the Fire helper halfway across the castle just so he can...oh, never mind. Point is, it works.

One warning: I've never, in my copious use of it, seen Rewind crash a game, but it CAN cause weird things to happen to the sound temporarily. Funny blaring noises and soundlessness generally don't last more than a few seconds or until the next screen, but they can be startling. Be aware.

Fastforward is invaluable when it comes to level-building, cutscenes, dronejam, and basically any place where "tl;dr" can be applied. Just be careful you don't zoom past something important.

I don't use Slowdown a lot because I forget I have it, but it does exactly what it says on the tin and comes in handy in those really tight action sequences.

And here's the Screencap button :D I've been using it a lot, obviously. On that front, one more note...

Tapping F1 brings up this little mini-menu when you have a ROM loaded up. The most important feature here (at least to me) is the option to change between .bmp and .png screencaps. There's little graphical variance, but when I compared size, .bmp compared to .png 25kb to 9. Doesn't look that important, but when you're uploading 300-400 screencaps a pop, an appreciable difference builds up.

SO ANYWAY I took the time to dig through my old SNES junk and find the Map of Evermore! I LOVE IT SO MUCH WHEN GAMES COME WITH MAPS. The SNES era was a lot bigger on "freebies" like this. Ah, I miss it so. Me and My Katamari was cool enough to come with a map, though, so maybe the trend is back on the rise? I hope so.

It's poster-sized, so I had to scan it three different ways and "stitch" it together, so I'm sorry about any irregularities. Came out pretty nice, though, if you ask me.

Also, stylized maps of Prehistoria and Antiqua! Yes, they're maps. You just have to know what you're looking for :D Again, clipping was an issue, sorry.

The manual?

I'd love to show you the manual...

...if this wasn't all I ever had of it :( It never fails to amaze me how a year or two on the rental circuit can UTTERLY DISINTEGRATE a manual.

Finally, music is now an option, hooray! I'll probably be finished tagging the music into the last edition by the time you're done reading this, so go back and check if you're interested. Files will disappear a week after their last download, so if you miss something and really want it, just drop me a line.

Anyway! In the last edition, Boy and Dog were zapped into a mysterious world, fought raptors, and stumbled into a prehistoric village with a leader by the intimidating name of Fire Eyes. We rejoin them as they prepare to meet this enigmatic figure...

Well, that was anticlimactic. Fire Eyes is a kinda silly, bouncy theme with a jungle beat.

Matt: YOU'RE A GIRL D:
Dog: wtfever

Matt: YOU'RE STILL A GIRL D:

Cheerful obliviousness is his game!

Cozy, uh, hovel you have here.

Matt: You invited me :<

Matt: Dogs have names?

Matt: Bill...Door?

Ah, finally. When I was a kid, I blatantly disregarded the dog's gender and named him "Rydia". Don't think he ever did forgive me for that.

God Mother 3 get out of my head

There's nothing wrong about naming video game characters after deceased pets, shut up.

Was that a shot? :<

But I don't look like I shower with pond scum, so yeah, probably

Congratulations, Matt, she now OWNS you.

Matt: What're those, then?
Fire Eyes: Well...muck, mainly.

The decidedly gayer version of Mars Needs Women, you mean? I thought they only showed that on Cinemax late-night.

Granted, that was quickly followed by "Except bukkake, wait--OH GOD RIGHT IN THE EYE", but...

OH BOY ALCHEMY Actually, I rarely use this formula, but it's good to have whatever you can get this early in a game.

Woohoo!

Formulas aren't always even, as shown here. It's a tad annoying, because it limits how many spells you can cast--for example, even if I had maxed out (99) both my Wax and Oil, I could only cast a maximum of 49 Flashes because I'd run out of Oil before I ran out of Wax. It's something you learn to work around, but worth consideration when you're buying ingredients and stocking formulas.

Yup, formulas gain skill levels just like weapons. You can't charge them up, but man does it make a difference in their base power.

Fire Eyes: kthxbye

Fire Eyes: I SAID kthxbye |(

You can only equip eight formulas at a time, 'cause they go on a wheel too, but that's usually all you need. I can't recall ever having trouble with it.

Ooh, doggy biscuit! These revive the Dog when he's in involuntary wtfever mode, I.E. no HP. Voluntary wtfever mode is harder to cure.

THIS THING THIS THING DRIVES ME CRAZY >O There's nothing you can do with it, it just pops in an out of its hole. I always tried to figure out something to do with it, but it's just an ambient effect, I guess. Except really I bet it has all kinds of neat secret stuff in its hole REVEAL TO ME YOUR SECRETS SKULLTHING AAAAAH

*cough* Sorry.

Buzz Buzz? :O

I love this kid, seriously. I used to go around the house saying this.

FLOWERS AND MOSQUITOES AND and uh that's pretty much it OH MY

OH BOY NECTAR This is the good stuff! It restores a nice big chunk of HP, and is a staple even after you get your healing formula. It's also pretty expensive, which is why looting exists.

HEY I'M TRYING TO LOOT THAT

I guess. Oh I am so looting you in the morning though. SO LOOTING.

Truth in "You get what you pay for": Pile of animal toenails = five square feet of dirt floor and a skin that smells of death

Good Night is a basic twelve seconds of autoharp goodness. This is nice, isn't it--

GAH HE'S WATCHING ME SLEEP

HOW LONG WERE YOU STANDING OVER ME

OH BOY SAVE POINT :D don't think i forgot your creepy escapades though old man

Awww, it's lonely in here. I miss the age before memory cards, when you could rent or buy a used game and see all the neat stuff the previous rentee/owner left behind. It was a rare glance into a stranger's mind, and a loss, I think. Although it is kinda worth it to not constantly have your savegames overwritten or outright stolen (FIVE TIMES I had to start over FFIV FIVE TIMES I am SO HATEFUL of the first 10+ hours of gameplay now).

But anyway.

The Dog will sniff endlessly at item chests. ENDLESSLY. hey is that guy staring at my ass

OH BOY ITEM SHOP

Essence cures status ailments like poison. We don't need this yet.

Dog biscuits are biscuits for Dog. ~~It's like a Zen thing, really~~

Pixie Dust, when used on the Boy, will open a window of something like thirty seconds in which he'll automatically revive if killed. I never ever use it. EVER. I mean, just look at that price tag >( I imagine some people play differently, though.

All kinds of enemies drop Petals, but you really can't be too careful at this stage. They're not too expensive, at least.

dsfkljkfgsh I WILL EXPOSE YOU SOMEDAY

Always useful if you need to measure the volume of a lizard, I'm sure.

OH BOY A GRASS VEST You don't get this if you don't defeat the raptors. It's almost worth restarting the game for, if you have the time and patience. ~~Or just cheat~~

This is going to work great until the Big Bad Wolf huffs and puffs and blows my clothes in. (Note: JOHN LAW will not accept this as an excuse if they find you naked on a streetcorner during rush hour.)

Enh, better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Of course, considering where I am, I'll probably get one of those too before long.

Andre: uh huh great

Matt: Hey, where's my dog?
Andre: wtfever

Ooh, lay it on me!

D: Can we maybe, uh, revert to the barter system?

At least I can barely afford a bracelet. BARELY.

Hey, what's over here?

A secret area! :O These were all full of alchemical ingredients, so I skipped capping. Nice find, though.

Up near the top of the village...

Ah crap, we're not supposed to be here yet. I can tell because there's stuff blocking the way, and because the flowers have palette-swapped and are thus (obviously) much tougher.

HERE we go. Our intrepid heroes set off in search of Strong Heart! ...one of them, anyway.
Andre: wtfever

There, THAT'S the right color flower. Sic 'em, boy!

Right, I forgot to mention something about the battle system earlier 'cause I'm so used to it. See the life bar? See the "23%"? Every time you use your weapon, that little bar runs down to 0%, and if you don't wait the few seconds it takes to recharge to 100%, your strike will be a lot weaker. Like, a lot weaker, hence the 1 damage. This prevents mindless button-mashing, and invites even the most aggressive player to learn to dodge a bit.

At this point I remembered I had a new set of windows to show (and also randomly wandered back into the village, wtf).

Here's the first Alchemy window. From left to right:
(number)x(formula) = The number of formulas you can cast, going by what ingredients you have. This also shows up on the formula selection wheel.
(number):(number) = Skill level. Since I haven't cast it even once yet, I don't have any points here. In the beginning, at least, each formula gains :10 points each cast, until it rolls over the tenth time to 1:00.
(number)(icon)(number)(icon) = The formula itself, showing what you need for a single cast. This should be read "One part Wax, two parts Oil".

The second window is a list of ingredients. This will grow to a pretty impressive collection before long :D

Woohoo! Hope the experience he missed in the beginning doesn't set him back. I'd hate to have a remedial dog.

Ooh, ooh, look! A flower died, but its remains are still there! That means BODY-LOOTING! That's the best kind!

Aw, body-looting failed :(

A new enemy! Their high defense is kinda sucky, but they're creepy-lookin' and I love that. They also go HOP.

HOP.

When you hit one, it curls up into its shell and bounces back. I love the nifty little throwback animations in this game :D

Less so when I'm doing them D:

At this point, I realized I could use the Targeting button to cap some names. Skelesnail! I don't think that's how snails work, actually, but okay.

The dinosaurs steal his lunch money every day, it's sad

A new area! With new music!

And new unexpected dangers!

FWOOSH

FWOOSH

Andre: D8

Well, at least it found us a cave.

With a dude! Merchant in the Cave is a mysterious-sounding little ditty that smacks of otherworldliness with just a hint of lime(stone). The straight-up cave ambiance is nice, too, but when you stop listening to it, your ears kinda itch from lack of sound.

I'm gonna just chip into your face now you're cool with that right

Or...THE PUMA! COME LET'S FLY OVER THE QUICKSAND

Because the cheetah hasn't evolved yet, apparently. But hey, that's really nice of you--

HEY

lousy stupid overpriced merchandise. I ended up buying a petal. JUST ONE. I'M NOT EASILY SNOOKERED SIR.

Woohoo!

Running, as he mentions, also sucks up your stamina bar percentage. It can leave you at a disadvantage, and as a rule, I use it sparingly. It's the only way you can get through this area, though, so WHEE RUNNING

FWOOSH

You got your Mole People in my Secret of Evermore!

So I immediately step in another one. Repeat AT LEAST NINE THOOOOOUSAND times

FWOOSH

Not terribly common, although you can buy some extra if you're in a pinch. These are gonna be vital coming up.

Oh thank God solid ground

Yay for looting unsuspecting dead men!

WHAT HAVE WE HERE

It's a...a...

...a totally useless outcropping of rock, is what.

Well, that's better than nothing, I guess.

MUCK HO! Bugmuck Swamp is sinister and gloopy, just like the swamp itself.

"Enjoy pleasant, scenic, and above all aromatic vistas in your Bugmuck adventure" my ASS, travel brochure

These little guys are all over the place. Unsurprising, as they're bugs filled with muck.

These things are a pain in the ass. You can only cause damage if you hit the head, so you have to stand...

...in JUST the right place.

Luckily, once you get the hang of it, they go down pretty fast. They bite hard, though, so watch out. HEY, ANDRE, A LITTLE HELP?
Andre: wtfever

Bug goop!

With money in it! I wonder if they pay more for the guts around here.

Hey, a cave.

Hey, a dude. I bet your rent's real cheap out here, huh?

Man: I don't know why.
Matt: Have you smelled yourself lately?

Man: I'm sorry, but your Strong Heart is in another cave.

PWOOSH

WOOHOO HARD BALL! This is one of my favorite formulas. Nothing like throwing rocks at the enemy to get the spirits up :D

If I hadn't just raised a Nidoqueen and a Nidoking (kiss kiss Kumatora and Duster, kiss kiss), I would totally raise one named Crystal and one named Clay. The Hard Ball team. God what's wrong with me

Crystals are pretty scarce, so if you're gonna use Hard Ball instead of Flash, it's good to stock up. I actually went back and bought another ten later on.

I stopped for awhile here and came back later. Look, a load screen! FASCINATING I KNOW

But anyway

This part of the Bugmuck is pretty user-friendly, in a roundabout way. It's basically a huge spiral, with some short, treasure-filled dead ends.

Like this one :D Look, it's like an arrow telling you there's neat junk up there. If you squint. Hard.

I am so sick of you, Tar Skulls >O

Time to pull out the heavy artillery.

Well, relatively heavy, anyway. 18 damage isn't bad for a first cast. Notice Andre still admantly refusing to help, thanks buddy. I swear he's more useful, he just stops dead whenever I reach for the screencap button.

Anyway, moving on...

This is a good sign. We'll be having various appendages ripped off by horrible mandibles any minute now, ho yes :D

THIS IS A STRANGE PLACE TO STORE A PUMPKIN SIR

Well, that's okay, then. Clay isn't technically rare, but if you're working with Hard Ball, you really can't get enough.

Gonna take care of you IN THE FACE, me bucko

Flashy! As you can see by the equal 18 damage, Flash and Hard Ball really don't have much difference in power. Hard Ball just FEELS like you're doing more damage :D Your mileage may vary.

This certainly looks like the right way to go!

Which obviously means my attention is desperately needed over here. Go everywhere, do everything, kids, and you'll come out on top in RPGLand.

I just can't get over this gorgeous locale. Picturesque, like. And if you get bored, you can count the mosquitoes.

HOORAY A DEAD END

Wait wait totally worth it. Never accept dead ends as dead ends until you've had a good sniff around. There's almost always at least a few ingredients lying around.

I went back to buy some more Crystals, and THIS happened. This is a good thing, because...

...we can now charge up...

...and gooooo...

WHACK! Double damage! This gets to be super-useful later on. And oh look, a level, hooray!

Hey boy

What is it boy

Are we there yet boy

Dangit boy. Yeah, the Dog loves going the long way around to point at ingredients. I dunno, one of those weird programming quirks.

Anyway, time to crawl into the CLOACA OF DOOM! man there is just no way of making that sound like an attractive prospect is there

Well, I've seen worse-looking cloacas of doom, at least. Don't ask where, whenever I recall I have to go have a drink and a lie-down.

Maggots filter down pretty much constantly from the top of the screen as you go along in here. Those who have played Pikmin 2 might break out in a cold sweat at this point, but don't worry, nothing's going to roll over your entire team at the end of this maze. ~~PIKMIN MASSACRE '06 NEVAH FORGET~~

Hmmm, an interesting construct.

Tum te tum te tum--

Bridge: *COLLAPSEY!*
Matt: hey
Andre: wtfever

Well, dang. Who else thinks this is going to be a trend?

Woohoo! Just so you know, you should have your formula of choice, be it Hard Ball or Flash, up to at least Level 1 before you're out of this area. Boss coming up? No, of course not, what gave you that idea

Bridge: *COLLAPSEY!*
Matt: not cool
Andre: - -

asjkdsalht

At least I can--

Crap

CRAP

Well, we're stuck. Only one way outta this...

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEpwoop.

~On the rooooad again

A crossroad. Arbitrarily, I choose left.

Wait wait this doesn't look WAIT

CRAP

wheeeee etc.

Okay I can do this I can do this

ASLKJXCKLTHL;JDTH

Oh bug goop, I love you so much more than collapsing bridges. SO MUCH.

Matt: :D...when I get friends, I'll let them eat it.

*sob*

THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF YOUR CHUTES AND LADDERS CHUTESY MCLADDERSSON

Gawd, am I glad that's over. Okay.

This is a straightforward little area, although you can get bitten by maggots when you cross under the bridge-thingies if you're not careful. BEWARE.

Hey, I can see my house from up here! ...or I could, if my house was made of muck.

Down one leg and up the other! This is one of very, VERY few times in life when that phrase refers to something pleasant, believe you me.

Down escalator

Up escalator

Doooooooown escalator

Maggot A: Do you have an appointment?
Maggot B: Only we don't see you on the list >(
Matt: C'mon, guys, we totally phoned ahead D:

Okay, dealt with the guard problem. This gate looks pretty portentous, yes?

That means it's time to heal up...

...and march bravely into the ~~cloaca~~ face of DOOM!

Although really, this doesn't look that bad...

...uh-oh.

TO BE CONTINUEDEDEDEDeded. Ed. Ed. ed.

now these points of data make a beautiful line

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 11:59:20 GMT

This is my Delcaps index page. It is small now, but it will grow. Oh, how it will grow.

Secret of Evermore
Chapter One: Something Rotten in Podunk
Chapter Two: On Our Way to Bug Cit-ay
Chapter Three: The Belly of the Beast
Chapter Four: Snake Eater
Chapter Five: A Hot Time in the (Very, Very) Old Time Tonight
Chapter Six: Brave New World
Chapter Seven: "Madness? This is NOBILIA!"
Chapter Eight: Across the River
Chapter Nine: Switching and Bitching
Chapter Ten: Why Does It Have to Be Snakes?
Chapter Eleven: In Which Everything Explodes a Lot

Screencaps of Evermore--Chapter One

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 11:52:16 GMT

Hello, everyone! I'm Delcat Delcat. You may remember me as an unremarkable loser. That is, sadly, the case. However, I am an unremarkable loser with a story to tell!

In 1995, back before they put the "Enix" in "Squeenix", Squaresoft released an adventure game. Discerning gamers scorned it for many reasons, including claims that it was ripped off from Secret of Mana, it didn't have a lot of dragons in it, and it was persistently and unashamedly American. Not being a discerning gamer, I was happily and blissfully unaware of this, and in my ignorance, enjoyed it greatly.

Now, I'm not gonna lie to you. The game has its flaws, and I am known for liking games other people do not (kiss kiss, Pokemon Snap, kiss kiss). It requires a bit of patience to crack open the tough shell and break into the sweet, sweet nutty goodness inside, but the reward is deliciously different gameplay, quirky humor, and mummified cats.

And so I asked, "How much patience does it take to look at a big page of pictures instead?".

So, with that awkward segue...

I'll stop ellipsising soon, promise. This isn't FFVI, after all.

Just a few notes before we get started. First, I'd like to thank Zarla, for getting this ~~ball~~ katamari rolling and rolling so well, and for cheerfully wadding us all up into it with her resources, community-wrangling, and encouragement. I'd also like to thank Doxinator for her super-nifty tutorial, and also for proving that Oregon Trail can, indeed, be a Screencap Adventure. Without you two, I wouldn't have the courage to do this. Thanks, guys.

~~Second, mp3s aren't an option just yet, but I'll be able to get them out by this Monday, hopefully.~~ ETA: I am a woman of my word :D The full soundtrack can also be found in .spc form here (thanks again Doxinator!), and a nifty guide for turning them into mp3s that worked perfectly for me can be found here (thanks random dude on the Internet!).

Thirdly and most importantly, it should be noted that if you want to play along, you should definitely not get a ROM. They are evil, evil things that are causing the DOOM of the gaming world. You should go out, buy an SNES and an original cartridge, and do it right. You should absolutely not go here, because you will not find a neatly-zipped archive file (ZSNES is so evil you don't have to unzip ROMs to use them, by the way) you can use for free. Additionally, please do not comment to tell me if the ROM that is not there ceases to be there so I can re-upload it.

BUT ANYWAY

Shiny spitfire company logo is GO

bump bah duh dun, bump bah duh dun

bump bah dun dun

bump bah dun dun

buuuuump BAH BAH

BAH BUMP BUMP BUMP this is a screen pan in case you can't tell

BUMP BUMP

BAH DUUUUUUN 'kaydonesorry

That's the name!

And that's the copyright! Please don't sue. I have a fat dog and a Mood Beam to my name, that's about it. I sold my pride for a six of Irn-Bru.

BOY HOWDY I SURE WILL (Although Introduction/Credits plays if you don't.)

Admittedly, Secret of Evermore does have certain similarities to Secret of Mana. They have the same battle system, similar names, the characters have no default names, aaaand...yeah, that's all I can think of right now. But anyway, Main Character starts with a clean slate.

Menu music is easygoing, with hints at all four main themes of the game. What are these themes, you ask? WAIT AND SEE

I don't remember exactly where this name came from, but I do remember that it was related to this game and that I considered it so "lucky" that I named pretty much all main characters Matt after this. Didn't stop until Earthbound, years later. backstory blah blah

Podunk, 1965 indeed! And THAT'S where my location comes from. I'm sure you were all wondering. because you care so very much. maybe.

This game is pretty action-oriented, and has some lovely pan shots. You can only really see them if you play, but scrolling down fast might be comparable. And then you can do it backwards, too! Consider it Special Edition.

I see you tremble with antici

pation

All science starts with these words.

And ends with them, nine times out of ten.

That's Podunk, 1995, if you do the math.

VEXX = Captain ZEX's stage name?

Enter our intrepid heroes!

Dog: wtfever

Secret of Evermore is full of these measured responses, half-steps between phrases. It does more to make it flow like normal speech than you'd think.

It's also full of sound effects. Those are harder to screencap, though, so feel free to fill in your own here. I like POOSH, personally.

POOSH.

This is a continuing theme. Mike Nelson would love this kid.

LIKE, SAY, A PREGNANT CUE LINE

ZOMG ONOES :O

ambient sound OF THE FUTURE

Hm. A hunch-backed, monocle-sporting, pointy-eared butler who speaks in rhyme. I TRUST THIS MAN IMPLICITLY.

ASTHFJDKL;HTHD

Matt waits a moment for him to say "Walk this way", then follows dejectedly. He never gets to do that bit.

"Carltron"? ~~"Grignr"?~~

DOWN ZE HATCH

Now we get to push buttons! :D That's the life bar down there. 's got life in.

Like I said, SoE and SoM share battle systems. To those uninformed, this basically consists of real-time battle where you use these little wheely-menus that pop up when you press Y. Different commands go into different wheels that you can go between with the up and down buttons. While you only can actively control one character at a time, you can give the other orders by bringing up their menu. It's a nifty little system, a lot more fun than the turn-based battles of the day. Kinda sucks that they only used it in two games.

We're looking at the System wheel right here, with status and various bits of game config.

Starting status! Matt is pretty unimpressive right now, but he'll perk up once we get him some equipment.

Action dictates your partner's attack pattern. I didn't cap it because I'm an idiot. Basically, it's a bar with Aggressive on one side and Defensive on the other, and you move your inactive character towards the side you see fit. I, of course, am always Aggressive.

This is known to experienced gamers as the "Hey kids, screw with these while your sister is asleep and watch her fumble desperately in the morning :D" button.

SO MANY OPTIONS. HOW CAN I CHOOSE.

There's a nice selection here, but I'm not gonna go through the tedium of screencapping each one unless someone reaaaally wants it. You can change frame...

...and backdrop. There, maximum readability.

Targeting directs your partner's attacks. Nothin' around to fight yet, though.

OH BOY WEAPONS I HAVE WEAPONS

pwoop :( Anyway, once you get something to attack with, attacking with it makes it gain levels. The higher it gets, the more damage it does, and you can take the time to charge up powerful attacks once you get to Level 1 onwards.

Okay, let's get this show on the road.

ZOMFG AWESOMENESS The Item Fanfare is simple and satisfying.

POOSH

oh shi

Boss Theme 1 kicks in around here. Good blood-pumping music.

WOO FIRST BLOOD. As SoE is real-time, if I do a lot of screencapping, I get a lot of ass-kicking. Because I love you guys (whoever you guys are), I still take as many caps, I just...what's the word...oh yes, cheat my ass off. The Rewind button in ZSNES is your friend, friends. If you see any irregularities in HP and the like, that's the cause.

Rewind or no, things happen very fast. I'm getting better at doing it, but I do miss things sometimes. I apologize for any confusion. If I sense some is about to ensue, I'll try to clear it up, like...

POW AN ENEMY EXPLODES<---that.

In both SoE and SoM, you can tell how well you're doing by the size of the number font. Little numbers mean little damage, big numbers mean big damage. It's a tremendously visceral, satisfying effect. Font size in this case = Haha I am so freakin' overpowered right now suckers

BEHOLD TH' POWER OF POOSH

woof woof

NOOOO I NEED THAT TO MOVE

OUT-OF-CONTROL NOSEDIVE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhey, still cheaper than Cannon TravelAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa

*wheeze*

*EXPLOSION*

This looks...decidedly different from the previous area.

The Jungle music kicks in at this point. However, it's not really music, but ambient sound--birdcalls and bugs and wind and growls. Secret of Evermore does this a lot, and I adore it. I can listen to this stuff for hours. You cannot see me, but I am gesturing fruitlessly at the mp3 I cannot upload yet, 's how much I love it. Weeping. Weeping.

ETA: Weep no longer! See, isn't that lovely? :D

NOOOOO MY POOSH D:

:O

One disembowelment later, Matt decides on "no".

'cause it's not like that's an instinct thing or anything

Time to get acquainted with Boy's best friend!

The Dog can only equip one piece of armor (collar), so he makes up for it by very superior stats. Even with weapon upgrades, the Dog will remain the physical powerhouse of the game 'til the end. This is a good thing, 'cause he can't do anything else in battle.

Ah, the partner system. When you control the Boy, the Dog will roam around aimlessly, attacking or avoiding as his settings dictate...

...and vice-versa for Dog and Boy.

OH BOY LOOT Petals are the most basic healing item. Gonna need this later.

Here's the Item wheel. Not much of a wheel yet, I know.

In Secret of Evermore, you can carry up to six of each item on this wheel. Six Petals, six drops of Nectar, whatever. It's a little more lenient than Secret of Mana's cap of four, but it can still be tricky sometimes.

The Weapon wheel. See how much of a boost even the most basic weapon gives? I still miss my POOSH, though.

Aha! The Dog's sniffed something out! This is a vital, vital skill.

I'll show you why when we're NOT BEING &%%*(&ING ATTACKED

That 8 on the flower is the damage done by the Bone Crusher. R.I.P. POOSH ; ;

Right, where were we?

hiff hiff hiff

it's a cute animation, shut up

AHA! These will come in handy later, believe you me!

See, SoE doesn't have magic. It has alchemy. For those unacquainted, that's the science of putting stuff in stuff and making stuff, often with explosive results. But ya gotta have stuff to put in stuff, or you can just get stuffed.

That's where the Dog comes in. There are ingredients hidden everywhere--I mean EVERYWHERE--but they're invisible unless he sniffs 'em out, at which time you tap B repeatedly in spots nearby to pick them up. He does this on his own frequently, or you can hold down L or R to make him sniff at any given time. If you're playing along at home, I'd recommend tapping said button every few seconds while on the road. It becomes a habit pretty fast. Don't worry, those rumors of "Sniff Finger" are totally unfounded. Which is a good thing, 'cause man, that's a more awkward name than "Tennis Elbow".

Anyway, moving on.

AAAAH MOSQUITO

These are everywhere in the first part of the game. They make buzzing noises, do between 0 and 1 damage, are extremely hard to hit (but make a satisfying squish when you manage), and give a grand total of 1 EXP. In other words, they're totally authentic.

SQUISH

okay okay this is totally cool. watch the lower-left corner of the screen.

ISN'T THAT AWESOME

Seriously, back in the days before games had shifting weather patterns, endless variables, and hundreds of NPCs who do nothing but wander around, these little touches made the experience. Growing mushrooms, bubbling swamps, scurrying creatures...tiny little things you don't even notice half the time, but when you do, you look, and smile, and appreciate.

Some of you are getting this, I know. The rest of you LISTEN UP OR GET OFF MY LAWN YOU &*%%* KIDS

This place is fearsome. FEARSOME.

Time to heal up

I didn't cap it, but Petals restore 40 HP. You grow out of the stage where this is a full cure pretty quickly, but it's always good to keep some on hand just in case the rest of your limited healing items dry up--because they will. Oh yes, they will.

Whee, Water. As could be expected, this is the most basic of ingredients, so you find it EVERYWHERE. It's good, though, because basic ingredients are used most often.

Speaking of ingredients, there are AT LEAST NINE THOOOOUSAND of them in the game. Seriously, there are like two dozen in this chunk of jungle alone. I doubt you want to see EVERY SINGLE ONE, so I'm just capping new ones as they come up. There also a lot of ingredients in treasure chests, so if you see any of those uncapped, just assume it's something too banal to bother with.

Oil's a little more rare, as is the way of the world. I'm tempted to say someone should tell Bush to try looking in pumpkins, but I'm afraid he'd do it.

Ash is common, seeing as lots of things turn into it :B

Woohoo, first level up! Aside from the stat bonuses, levelling restores HP, and can be a lifesaver in tight situations.

Unfortunately, in my zeal for capping, I neglected the Dog. When the Boy runs out of HP, the game ends, but the Dog just lies down and won't do anything. Even sniff. Which is unfair 'cause that's like an HM move, if you ask me blah blah Pokenerd

Ooh, money! ...right now, anyway.[/MYSTERIOUS ZAWMG]

Okay, okay, you CAN find ingredients without the Dog. It consists of going to suspicious spots and mashing B at random. It's a lot easier with him, though.

Unless you've played this game like four times and know where to look

A clearing!

A leaf!

A dramatic pause!

A VELOCIRAPTOR FEELING PERHAPS

Matt: :B
Dog: wtfever

PWOOSH

Attacks generally throw enemies back, by the by. I didn't telekinate. That is a word now I say so

OW BLINDSIDED

This is a pretty tough fight, especially if you blew your Petal early, like I did. If you lose, though, the Dog drags you off to safety. But then people aren't impressed and don't give you nice stuff and call you "Weenie-Weenie-Wets-His-Pants" behind your back.

Also I can cheat :D

SEE THIS IS VALUABLE RANDOM JUNK I NEEDED THIS

Moving on, we find...

...THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT!!!

wait. wait, I probably should've done that line before the dinosaurs showed up. right. dang. dropped the ball, there

No, I'm not talking to a sentient bush. SoE has gorgeous overlays and I appreciate them very much but they NEED TO NOT BE IN THE WAY NOW HONEY

Why thank you :D I didn't cheat or anything, if that's what you're implying

ssss ssss

BRIGHT EEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEES BUUUUUUUUUUURNING LIKE FIRE sorry

Sounds pleasant.

PLOT POINT???

OH BOY BREAKING AND ENTERING

OH BOY LOOTING

loot

loot

loot

Oh hi :B

EXOskeleton. And you call yourself Cro-Magnon >(

Man: Or I DID before you CLEANED ME OUT >(
Matt: :D

It is indeed a fine specimen, sir

Matt: Why don't you do that?
Dog: wtfever

BRIGHT EEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEES HOW CAN YOU something something PALE sorry

OH BOY SUNDAY GO TO MEETIN' TIME

HOW CAN THE LIIIIIGHT THAT BURNS SO BRIIIIIGHTLY SUDDENLY TURN SO PAAAALE sorry sorry

Why are we in prehistoric times? Who is Fire Eyes? How buggy and mucky is the Bugmuck? Will the Dog ever get a name? DRAMATIC PAUSE! CLIFFHANGER! CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPS! ALL NEXT TIME IN...SECRET OF EVERMORE!

man, i love me.

UPDATE: Now with music! :D

movin' on up

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 05:33:00 GMT

After roughly three minutes of serious deliberation, I've decided to pull up stakes and cast my lot in with GreatestJournal. A free account nets you pretty much everything a paid account here does, plus room for two thousand icons. TWO THOUSAND ICONS. COME ON, PEOPLE, IT'S TWO THOUSAND ICONS. THAT IS MANY-LOTS MORE THAN THREE. Also, Hamtaro moodset = love.

So, yeah, here's my new journal. It looks like crap, seeing as my HTML skillz are nonexistent, but I'm gonna do some Googling and should turn up a pretty sweet layout soon enough.

It's been fun. Just not TWO THOUSAND FREAKING ICONS fun. See y'all on the other side.

trying to lure intellectuals into believing what they already know to be true

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 23:23:04 GMT

I am so pleased with myself right now.

i'm a snark machine, ready to reload

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 20:44:05 GMT

I'm in rare form today, folks. And by "rare", I mean "lukewarm and dripping blood". Enjoy.

ETA: This place is beautiful. Why? Here's a couple of quotes:

Media : mixed
Size : 13 x 19
Original : $300
Prints : 8.5 x 11 available
Description : This was one of those things. I had a sudden mad urge to do something inspired by Susan Seddon Boulet, so I slathered a couple of ink washes on some Strathmore board and was noodling around, waiting for a shape to come out and say "Paint me!" Given the inspiration, I was expecting something...oh... mythic. Women. Animals. Goddesses. Trees with faces. Something deep and Jungian and spiritual.

I got an orc with an eyeball on a stick. Typical.

Media : digital
Size : n/a
Original : n/a
Prints : 8.5 x 11 available
Description : In the wee hours of the night, I woke up, clutched my husband's shoulder, and said 'I've got it!'

He said 'Hrrrgggzt?'

I said 'If storks carry babies, then vultures must carry zombie babies!'

There was a pause, and then he said, enunciating each word with great clarity, 'What the HELL, man...?' and then fell immediately back asleep. He later disavowed all memory of this incident, but I painted it anyway.

And here's a few links:

Here and here and here.

Thanks yet again to Wufei for the link~

people should get beat up for statin' their beliefs

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 22:27:33 GMT

The awkward young shadow that waits in the hall: It's a sore point with me, because people don't give Vincent a lot of credit. They act like he has no backbone at all. You know?
(L)http://www.freewebs.com/kimioaishiteru_koneko/: Yes! I know exactly what you mean!

Sometimes, people aren't really as bad as you think. She turned out nice enough, and very apologetic, and won me over with her broken English:

(L)http://www.freewebs.com/kimioaishiteru_koneko/: Vincent is beautiful and broken, and Cid is there to fix!

It troo!

It's a shame, really. I haven't played a good game of brainball in ages...

things i do not want to read first thing in the morning:

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 18:08:09 GMT

Reviews For: Crimson Beauty

Delcat
2006-01-18
ch 1, reply Is English your first language?

Malin
luni_era@hotmail.com
2006-01-19
ch 1, anon. I like the way you write. But, just so you know, this is a flame.
I hate VinxCid.
WHY do people make Vincent seme...?
Can you answer me that?
You have my email, so send me your reasons, maybe I will consider stop hating it.
Try to convince me yes? I love it the other way around,
but I simply cannot picture me the poor beautful and broken Vincent on top, and the gruff and handsome Cid on the bottom... How is that possible?
Anyway you have talent, but I and me alone(seemingly) think that Vincent is the perfect uke.

Oh well.

Do I have to start a bloody campaign?

wiki wiki wiki

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 23:20:20 GMT

Slowly Twisting updated. That squeeing you hear is me melting like butter over the author's note. I just hope I've earned it.

this is how it should be done

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 02:06:16 GMT

Delcat42: I need to listen to more CSI. This is the only CD I have with their stuff on it.
Delcat42: CSI?
Delcat42: MSI.
Delcat42: Woo, Grissom walking out!
Delcat42: Walking out?
Delcat42: Rocking out.
Delcat42: I haven't had anything to drink, I swear.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Buttsex!

Buttsex has 118 ridges around the edge.
Buttsex is the oldest playable musical instrument in the world!
If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have buttsex for the rest of the day.
Buttsex is 984 feet tall.
Buttsex is the male seed of a flower blossom which has been gathered and treated by bees.
Fish travel in schools, but whales travel in buttsex!
68 percent of all UFO sightings are by buttsex!
In a pinch, the skin from a shark can be used as buttsex.
India tested its first nuclear buttsex in 1974.
Buttsex has only one weakness - the colour yellow.

wouldn't you like to be a pronoun too

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 02:31:39 GMT

Holly, Megan says you need to see this. When you're done, thank Perry for the link. Thanks, Perry!

i can't pay the bills yet, 'cause i have no skills yet

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 16:56:25 GMT

Volunteer work at St. Vincent's, while undoubtedly good preparation for the big scary working world, has yet to be grounds for humorous anecdotes. Kind of disappointing, really. I mean, I'm the only one below sixty in the place--you'd think I'd have at least hopped a ride on an ambulance by now. Oh well. Maybe it'll at least make up karma-wise for careening off the road on Friday night and taking out that poor guy's sapling.

In other news, this is the internet.

ETA: I don't know how I feel about this, but at least it's Sam Raimi, right?

right?

da ba dee da ba di, da ba dee da ba di

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 23:38:02 GMT

Things a year of slacking off from programming will make you forget:
--Help files translated from Japanese into English by a Russian teenager are rarely of any use.
--Work does not solve problems, it just paves the way to new and more complex ones.
--You don't have as much done as you thought you did.
--RPGMaker 2000 is an utter pill and will occasionally do whatever it wants, regardless of instruction.
--You cannot draw to save your life, and must get by on minute changes to graphics scrounged from others.
--Putting a random space on the map that teleports your character into the ocean and freezes your game probably was funnier at the time than it is now.
--You made some pretty kickass mixed CDs that you haven't listened to in years.
--Don't take the Kudzu. Seriously. Just don't.

...

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 00:09:49 GMT

I...have...no...words.

so wicked and worn

Wed, 11 Jan 2006 11:45:07 GMT

R.I.P. THE CONSOLE WITH NO NAME
1998-2006
BECAUSE, Y'KNOW, I'M TOO LAZY TO MAKE A COMIC STRIP OF MY OWN.

Coincidentally, I first became addicted to this song while playing Banjo-Kazooie. No, honestly. Megan would be online next to me while I was playing and pop in whatever CD suited her fancy. A fitting memorial, I should think.
----
Your dogfood could be poisoned--get the word out. Thanks to millyfan for the heads-up.
----
And thanks again, this time for a meme:

The problem with LJ:

We all think we are so close, but really we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

And just to get it out in the open, here's a freebie--yes, my internal organs *are* made of delicious candy and my blood is actually Mountain Dew on tap. IT TROO!!!
----
I went to Houghton Lake yesterday and spent a good two hours stranded at Wal-mart while Mom was at the dentist's. While I was wandering through the parking lot doing the little panic-dance of "Oh Gan, she's probably inside and I missed her car and she's wandering around in there looking for me and I'm holding her up and that's BAD", someone called my name, triggering the little panic-dance of "WTF A PERSON I DON'T KNOW PEOPLE STAY BACK I HAVE A BADASS COAT". After an awkward moment, though, I remembered that I *used* to know people--specifically, Dale, my cubicle-mate from junior year of high school. Aside from the requisite short joke, he was as kind and friendly as ever, and even invited me to the winter revival at good ol' Immanuel Baptist. And d'you know what? I think I might go. After all, nothing cures nostalgia like a good dose of reality.

Anyway, I'm mostly just glad he caught me in the parking lot and not inside a few minutes earlier. "Wal-mart sells condoms? Intriguing! Hey, I wonder if I could fit one of the Magnums over my sculpture if I bought a bottle of lube to go with it..."

the awkward young shadow that waits in the hall

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 20:55:57 GMT

I went into the Bookworm today for the first time since Will died. I expected it to feel different, but it didn't--probably because he worked there less and less as time went on. I let myself get a little lost in the stacks, then retreated to the fantasy section...

A Malady of Magicks, Craig Shaw Gardner, 1986. The last book in a trilogy I've been searching for since I was nine years old. Since I daydreamed about meeting the main character. Since I started to write.

I know all too well that the shop has been in financial straits, as always, and undoubtedly worse now that Will's gone. His daughter gave me the books for free anyway, saying that my family had been good friends and that he would've liked it that way.

I thanked her, and I stepped outside, and I thought of the way things come full circle, and I thought of the gingerbread house that had been made and broken for him, and I tried not to cry.