|Screencaps of Evermo--Wait, Really?
||[May. 31st, 2013|04:47 am]
Before we begin, a FAQ...
A: I can't hear you, FAQ, you have a dustball in your mouth.
Q: Seriously? After four years, you're picking this back up? You really mean that?
A: Well yuh.
A: Someone asked nicely.
Q: That's all it takes?
A: It's more of an audience than the rest of my work. Also, I found the save file I thought I lost, which is why I stopped in the first place. Also also, I've always felt kinda bad leaving this unfinished. So off we go!
Q: Your old jokes are terrible!
A: It's okay, my new jokes will be even worse.
Q: Your old jokes are offensive!
A: Yyyyyeah, it was a different time and there's some stuff in the old episodes that I wouldn't have written today.
Q: So what are you gonna do about it?
A: Nothing. I could go back and edit the entries so they're squeaky-clean, but frankly I think that'd be deceitful. I apologize for saying some really crappy stuff in the past, but I feel that it would be more offensive to pretend I never said it.
Q: Will this be the same as it used to be?
A: I'll try to keep the same riff style going, but I may be lacking in tone until I get back in the swing of things. I think I still remember most of my running gags, so you have that to look out for! Forward to. What did I say.
Q: So what the heck is even going on?
A: If you don't feel up to reading the entire backlog, Dog and Boy Save World With Power of Poosh.
Q: Is that really it?
A: I said this game was fun, not deep.
Q: Can you at least give some context for the scene?
A: Yeah yeah sure sure. *ahem* Matt, hapless boy explorer, and his faithful dog Andre, who isn't himself today, have just finished being r--mol--er--poked at by a tentacle monster in the depths of a very dark cave. With the massive squid vanquished, a bucket dropped from above, leading them up into a new, unknown world...
aaahwhat the higgidy hey?
Oh hey a well! With a guy on it!
Didn't the squiddy taste tip you off at all? Ewwww, squid water.
aw shucks just doin' my job marm
Matt: I don't know, I feel like I've lost...like four years.
Uh, here, retrace your steps.
Matt: What happened to my voice? Did I hit puberty? Did I MISS HITTING PUBERTY?
Look Matt, a well!
Matt: Oh hey a well :D
always going on about their Preciousesesesessss
Uh, I recall them having uncannily sneaky AI but I don't remember multiple heads. And they were pretty easily pooshed. But it WAS pretty dark, I guess.
It was dark, Matt, give the man the benefit of the doubt.
Andre: screw you, I have become a cave dog |<
Andre: no I'm not coming out again ever
Andre: ugh FINE >O
Oh boy oh boy oh boy, I wonder what he's gonna look like this time! First we had the cool wolfy dog, then we had the cool Sacred dog, I bet this trend is going to continue! This area looks and sounds really fluttery and fantasy-like, I bet he'll be a dragon or a griffon or a--
Yeah, uh, that's one word for it.
Maybe he's, uh, a dragon poodle? Let's not be hasty!
Okay, that's probably too adorable to be anything but 100% poodle.
Andre: it's my "screw everything" dance >(
Awwwww, whosagoodsulkyboy? Hinderfoots! Hinderfoots dance!
Andre: I am going back to the cave
Ivor Tower? What a pretty name!
Oh boy, we're goin' ta meets a QUEEN! :D It'll be just like in Alice in Wonderland! Oh how my whimsy is tickled!
Andre: heads are going to be rolling all right
Phew, been a while...
Been a LONG while.
Matt: Wow, I can spell my name in the dust! And the names of everyone in my family! And my class! And my entire school!
See you nice well man! Thank you for saving us from the horrible depths of despair and squid!
Oh, ingredients! I bet there'll be some neat ones here, I'll just tap A and--
Wait, what? Bucket go down? ...could Matt even reach that?
Matt: I had a growth spurt. I don't remember when :D
Well you brought the bucket up again, I don't know what point there is to--
WAIT COME BACK
THE LOCAL ECOSYSTEM
~Didn't see anythin' herpa derpa doo
The poodle tail wag is so cute and so fast, heehee.
Andre: swear to dog
Andre: gonna kill you ALL
At last, a new land! So bright and beautiful!
Matt: I wish I could see. The big hot ceiling light burns my skin and my vestigial cavefish eyebulbs.
Andre: why is everything so got-dang pink
And new enemies! What...am I looking at, exactly
Oh, that makes perfect sense now that you bring it up.
Whatever it is, it sure squishes good. That's a pretty small number, though, we'd better get some new equipment soon. We can probably expect everything to be as heavily defended.
Andre: DEAR MOTHER OF MERCY IT TOUCHED MY BESHAVEN HINDERQUARTERS
Hey, didn't we see some of these guys in That Dungeon? I wonder if the enemies can get around like we do.
Man, everything bleeds--wait, a Feather? The armored hedgehog exploded into a pile of dust which yielded a feather? ...I feel like Petals would be more believable here. Maybe it was something he ate.
"...sticking out of your FACE"
gdi this enemy type is just as annoying upgraded. That Iron should be pretty handy, though.
hello ma'am I heard you had a Sparkster infestation, here to clear that out for you
Ugh, finally. We actually took a pretty heavy beating in that short little segment, this doesn't bode well.
At least it looks like a really nice, peaceful castle.
GAH WAIT WHERE DID THOSE COME FROM
MONSTERS AT THE GATES SIR
DID YOU NOT HEAR ME THERE ARE MONSTEyou know what, point me toward the line to Space Mountain and get me a chocolate banana and forget I said anything.
Does that mean trading? :D
Sir, I have no idea what you're talking about, but I agree with this statement 100%.
BOY HOWDY WILL WE
For some reason, I always forget about this part of the game and thus forget to stock up on trade goods. We can't be that bad off, though, can we?
And we can't even get basic goods with prices like that! Gold coins? Do I look like Scrooge McDuck to you?
Andre: well just around the mutton chops
Shut up dog.
Andre: and you ARE wearing spats
THAT IS NOT FOR THE AUDIENCE TO KNOW
Oh right, money changing. This should help.
Matt: TAKE MY FILTHY TOENAILS GOOD SIR :D
NPC: Your stench-laden animal parts are no good here, and that's saying something considering we're 180 proof when it comes to the Black Death.
Matt: My filthy toenails :(
FINE take our shiny shiny precious jewels. Jerk.
Hrm, not too bad an exchange rate. I'm not sure what the exchange rate is on Talons to Gold Coins, but I think it's something extravagant, like 12:1. That's an entire raptor right there, goldarnit!
This should get us started, at least.
It is, in fact, pretty small, but I like that they used this concept more than once. It would have been easy to make it unique to Antiquia, but instead they show a lessening barter system and growing fiat currency as time progresses. History-y!
oh goshdangit I WANNA LOOK LIKE AN OGLIN
Okay, we're gonna have to window-shop until we can find stalls that sell second-tier trade items. Window-shopping is a butt.
I mean look at that! Oracle Bone? I WANT TO GIVE YOU MY POSSESSIONS RIGHT NOW FOR THIS SHADY ARTIFACT.
Andre: wait did someone say "bone"? uh...feed the cute poodle yip yip?
I'm actually not entirely clear on what the Oracle Bone does. I don't think it's one of the useless items like the Bug Repellant, but I always get it as soon as possible, so I don't know what secrets I hear because I don't have the chance to NOT hear them. I'll have to look it up ONCE WE CAN AFFORD IT.
Andre: yip yip hinderfoots
Sorry, boy, we're tightening our belts right now.
Andre: like hell more food |<
Well, Ebon Keep does sound kind of foreboding. Although Ivor Tower SOUNDS kind of foreboding...
Ooooooh where are the food stalls where where where? I wanna chocolate banana and a Chip'n'Dale ice cream bar, do they even still make those they were soooo good
Wow, Ivorland kind of downgraded from the nightly fireworks extraganza and light parade. I blame Eisner.
Aw, shame we don't have a pig. Maybe we can watch, though.
Andre: yip yip pork rinds for the puppy? no? aah screw it |<
As you can see, four years off the game hasn't dampened my screencapping skills one bit.
I can't blame her. You'd have to be a real jerk to stick around in a place like that. I'm sure this statement won't come back to bite me in any way whatsoever.
FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR, WEASLEY
Ahhhh, the sweet smell of other people's poverty.
ma'am I'm not sure you understand the basic tenets of pigs
It actually looks bigger than it is because of forced perspective, but that's nice honey, chase your dreams.
Well I know since you won't get out of my way I'm playing a Game of Drones ZING
Matt: Wouldn't "Game of Crones" be funnier?
I'm hoping I'm not the only one who remembers the term "dronejam" shhhhh
Matt: I spent four years in a cave :D
NPC: That would explain why you smell like everyone else.
Wow, that's...surprisingly nice and up-front.
And about to utterly screw us over.
Here in Ivor Tower, your happiness is our wish and we will support you!
Matt: :D Neat!
Andre: YIP YIP MOFOS
...wait, why is someone keeping bones in a box in their bedroom?
Matt: :) :| D8
Andre: DON'T CARE HUNGRY
Huh, funny stack of boxes.
Matt: Who's Q-Bert and why was he here?
I'm...I'm getting some mixed messages about the area, here.
Not really. It may not seem like it, but he knows that when he gets there, all the stores will be closed, with a word he can get what he came for. It's really a sad story. Like, eight to ten whole MINUTES of sad, and that doesn't sound like a lot until you're driving down the Interstate and you can't skip ahead because you're looking for your exit and it just doesn't END and you're wondering why in GOD'S NAME you would put this on a mix CD in the first place SHUT UP ROBERT PLANT OKAY JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP BOBBY SHUT UP
That last guy kicked me out of his house for some reason, can I crash at your place?
Well, it's a good thing we haven't had any evil twin problems. Then I might be worried.
NO SELL ME AN AMULET
I WANNA GOOOO
Um, that's...that's quite a tic there, sir.
I-is that the "don't get murdered in our sleep" rate? I hope it is.
OH MY GOD
WE HAVE ACHIEVED HUMANITY IN TRUTH
awwwww yeah even a nice plushy rug for the dog to sleep on
so gonna loot that chest in the mornin'
Phew. It's been a long time coming, but we're back in the grey.
Now if we can just see about getting into that sideshow...
Next time: Chill at wonders seen and unseen! Thrill at deals made with the devil, or at least shady NPCs! See the Unigoat, the Manless Head, and gratuitous abuse of the Rewind function! Come one, come all!