|Screencaps of Evermore--Why Does It Have to Be Snakes?
||[May. 13th, 2009|08:04 am]
|[||stuck in my head
|||||Cocorosie--Everybody Wants to Go to Japan||]|
I aten't dead. There's really no excuse I can make for a nine-month absence...well, okay, there is one when I put it that way, but I didn't actually get knocked up. Long story short, college is a bitch and I'm sorry. But rejoice, for I now return to bring you inept screencapping and tepid humor once more! ...you know, like anyone was reading this in the first place.
Long, long ago, we left Matt and Andre on a riverbank with a mysterious crystal known as the Diamond Eye. Since then, they've been waiting to find its mate, because mismatched jewelry is so uncute. What lies ahead? Could it be...another obnoxious switch-laden dungeon? Oh, son of a...
Okay, got a little housekeeping to do first. Remember how Madronius told us to look for his brother in the walls of the last dungeon? ...probably not, but he did, so we are. Deal with it.
THIS IS HOW LONG I SPENT WANDERING AROUND IN THIS DUNGEON, THE GIMMICKY QUEST COUPON FORMULA ACTUALLY LEVELED UP
WHAT IS THIS EVEN GOING TO DO, MAKE THE PATHS SHINIER
Anyway, to find Madronius' brother, you have to wander around in the walls.
I mean, seriously. A LOT.
Ugh. This isn't even the worst "invisible path" part of the game. That comes in the next world, and I will be swearing at it 'most violently.
But for now, at least they reward us with delicious alchemy ingredients.
Andre: quit chewing on that |(
man if I don't see this dude soon I swear I'm gonna
AGH I SEE A DUDE
Or just an attempt to save space in the sprite database?
Matt helpfully recaps for everyone who's forgotten what the heck is going on
From who? You live in the most out-of-the-way armpit of a secret passage in the entire ruins!
Er, and a lovely armpit it is, too!
Ooooo, fiery destruction. Gotta get me some o' that.
I think this is meant as an upgrade to Flash. Don't know how often I'll be using it, but it's good to know.
Got it. Thank you, armpit-dweller.
Gosh, you're the crazy hermit that keeps on giving :D
Remember this screen from a billion years ago? Good times, good times.
Some wandering and whining later, we're back on the road. Or we WOULD be, if it'd just...
Snake? Snake?! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!
Ooh, a pyramid! Woooooo, pyramids are cool!
And a switch! Switches are decidedly less cool, but it's over and done with n--
--ow. Um. Okay, then, let's go--
...I see how it's going to be, game.
Sigh. Split-'em-up dungeon is go.
It's just as well Matt can't go in here, though...
...the last time he tried to make a jump like that, he broke both ankles, one tibia, and a spleen.
Oh goody, a switch.
Oh goody, another switch.
Well, let's get this thing over with.
Oh c'mon, Matt, you can at least jump THAT!
Matt: My spleen still hurts :<
Hm...maybe I can avoid this dungeon altogether by following this path to--
--absolutely nowhere. Awww, the pyramid had baby pyramids!
This actually isn't sloppy programming, although there's a nasty case of that in this dungeon. We'll be back here much, much later.
In the meantime, onward into the pyramid! Which is...a maze. Oh, joy.
ACK BIRDS DON'T BELONG IN PYRAMIDS
THEY ARE BIRDS THEY DON'T FIT IN HERE
Wow, that's creepy AND biologically unsound.
AND hard to hit.
And it squishes like a mosquito. ...I don't even want to know how a flying bag of bones squishes.
Matt: It's raining marrow, hallelujah :D
Oh boy, a branch in the path. Arbitrarily, I choose right.
and get AMBUSHED BY FLYING SKULLS AUGH
Phew, managed to...hey, what's this?
Could it be...
The mummified cat everyone keeps yapping about! Awesome! Hey, I'm your biggest fan, I bought the tapestry and everythi--
OW BAD KITTY
Darned stuck-up show animals >( Well, at least it's--
OW SON OF A WHORE
ANDRE, I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING AT US
Andre: lol |)
Ooh, a strange mushroom found growing on an unidentifiable substance in a poorly-sealed vase that's been moldering in a pyramid for God knows how long! LET'S EAT IT!
Man, they've been handing these out like candy lately! It's a good thing, too--I'm finally gonna use some this episode!
B2, let's go.
Yeah, okay, but how does it taste?
Gosh, that wall doesn't look suspiciously crumbly or anything. Don't think there's anything heavy enough to bring it down in our inventory right now, though, we'll have to come back.
Hey, that's not fair! Matt's doing all the work, how is Andre still getting EXP?
Andre: lol |)
Okay, everything that previously bled Petals now bleeds Nectar. The pathetic running gag runs on!
Crap, a door with two switches. I WONDER WHAT WE HAVE TO DO HERE.
Aaand down again. Either I missed some caps or the floor plan is defying physics more than usual here.
HOLY HELL IT'S THE MOTHERLODE :D A-graverobbin' we will go, a-graverobbin' we will go~
We won't be getting any formulas that use these until the next world, where they're kind of common. Still, it gives us a running start on the next round of collecting, and it's a tantalizing hint of what comes next.
Huh, I wonder if the pharaoh had a dog. Hope this isn't cursed.
Hope this wasn't used to preserve somebody.
Matt: It was up a dude's nose :D
sdklfdsaj;'sfjafjasd YOU DID NOT MUMMIFY THESE CATS HARD ENOUGH TRY AGAIN
This must've been used to form an effigy of a servant to do the pharaoh's work in the afterlife! Fascinating!
These must've been preserved so the pharaoh would have something to eat in the afterlife! Fascinating!
These must've struck the pharaoh and killed him instantly, then have been pried out of his liquefied skull! Fascinating!
This must've been left over from those delicious wings! Fascinating!
Okay, that's just random.
Also found 2 parts Treason and 1 part Plot
Man, this just keeps on going. Mine!
Continuing to be mine! Quit licking that, Matt.
Matt: Tasty burning :D
...and mine. Awesome.
oh I am so stepping on that
I missed a cap here, but we found a barred door. Switch time!
Matt: Good boy! :D
Andre: don't make me move again, I was napping |(
Jeez, creepy-ass torch. Why are all these torches lit, anyway? This place is really bustling with life for a tomb. Case in point: About to be mauled by yet another Bone Buzzard. Oh shi--
Shoop de doop de doop de
OW AUGH SWEET BABY JEEBUS PAIN
LOTS OF PAIN
Oh, I see how it is! Well, two can play that game!
EAT SPEAR DEATH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaathat did absolutely nothing.
Okay, Plan B: Proceed meekly past the statues with all due respect and careful timing. Oh, hey...
Nifty. Good thing the spell isn't quite good enough to change the entire statue, we'd be in a mess'a trouble then.
O-oh God, is this one gonna try to eat me too?
...phew. Nice statue.
OW OH GOD BAD STATUE BAD STATUE
Oh God, these bridges. Can you guess what's special about these bridges?
THAT'S RIGHT, THEY COLLAPSE, GOLD STAR FOR TODAY
These are all over the place, and they're a little different than your garden-variety collapsible bridges. See, once they're down, they're down for good. No respawning. Remember the shoddy programming I mentioned earlier? ...well, just take that foreshadowing and hold onto it for now, we'll get back to it later.
For now, let's reap some booty. That is if that danged snake will let us argh argh argh
Great, now we really ARE graverobbers. Nice going, Matt.
Matt: Curses tingle :D
Bloop, gone forever. This area is optional, so it's not a problem...with this set, anyway.
Bloop, gone forever. THIS is the problem. See, there's a mini-boss coming up, and when you defeat it, you get an item that lets you past those crumbly walls. As soon as you get it, you can use Wings or Escape to duck out, no problem, because you can hack your way back in through said walls. But if you try that after collapsing this bridge and before getting the axe, you can never get back and thus the dungeon becomes unwinnable. And if you're unfortunate enough to save, THE ENTIRE GAME BECOMES UNWINNABLE. Thankfully, this never happened to me (I got caught by the OTHER unwinnable area), but I remember reading about it in Nintendo Power and shuddering.
hay did you hear a pwing
I heard a pwing
Excuse me, sir, did you go "pwing"?
Oh, pardon me, I didn't see your brother there. Did HE go "pwing"?
Hmm, all right. Nothing about a "pwing" there, but I suppose it'll do.
These two would be unremarkable mini-bosses, except for two unique features. One is the aforementioned ability to render your game utterly unwinnable. The other...
...is this! When you use a formula, they change color to the color of that formula's animation. I'm honestly not sure if this is a glitch or intentional, but it's lotsa fun to play with. Watch.
Hard Ball! Awww, they look all soft and mooshy.
Cure! Ooh, blueberry-flavored!
Oh hey, I said I'd try this, wouldn't I? No time like the present! To be honest, I've never actually used this before in my life. Let's see how it works.
Whoa, they're all buff now! I guess it is intentional.
...that was disturbing and we will never speak of it again.
Decent stat boost, though.
Welp, I've been promising to try these for something like eight episodes straight, guess it's time to put my money where my mouth is.
Fire Eyes, I summon j00! Come make random people turn funny colors!
The Call Bead formulas work the same as regular formulas, they're just much more powerful and much more difficult to level up. As such, we get a standard ring for them. On Fire Eyes', we have Flare...
...and Life Spark. I'm not entirely sure because I never really use Call Beads, but I think all of the summons have some kind of healing formula.
Let's start with Flare! PWOOF!
Pff, unimpressive. Okay, Life Spark.
Significantly more impressive :O I may have to keep that in mind for later. Let's try Storm.
Ooo, pretty colors! And I do believe that's a 100+ damage marker unfolding there, not bad. Last one is Heat Wave.
The screen goes all wiggly like a road in August, nice. Didn't evil!Fire Eyes' monster have this attack?
Awww, my playthings are wearing out :<
Luckily, Horace is a status ailment kind of guy.
Here we have First Aid...
...and a Rocky Horror Picture Show ref waiting to happen.
First, First Ai--
OW SON OF A WHORE YOU GUYS ACTUALLY ATTACK?! Ooh, I am SO Time Warping your ass.
That's just one part Jump to the Left...
...and three parts Step to the Right!
Ooh, that's the prettiest color yet. And it's hard to tell in the screencap format, but now he's slow.
Confound is just the same as when an enemy uses it on you. A little whirl of stars...
...and the controls are suddenly reversed. I've never really understood how they program the AI to compensate like the player would, but it seems to work.
Just the edge I need to end this thiOW SON OF A WHORE. I hate Slow Burn, it does what it says on the tin.
HOORAY BRONZE AXE FTW ow
If this keeps up for, like, an hour, I could be in serious trouble.
In the meantime, we have a very obvious puzzle to solve!
KREEGAH, KREEGAH BUNDOLO!
A tomb! With a dude! Ah, the times, they are a-changin'. ...gradually.
NPC: Not that I've been walled up in a tomb for forty-six years and my life is nothing but misery and licking slime from the walls to survive or anything :D
Matt: :D :) :/
NPC: I urinate around it daily to mark my territory :D
Matt: :/ :( D:
Matt: okay just please don't pee on me
Makin' good time! ...for once.
NPC: Bring civilization!
Matt: You're related to that lady in the last dungeon, aren't you?
NPC: Oh God I'm so lonely.
Oddly enough, the cats in here really won't attack you. I guess the resident crazy cat ladyboy here tamed 'em.
And you can't attack them, which is fair.
But you can steal all their stuff, which is also fair. By video game LAW.
dsfklkldfsa;flhkldfh ENEMY CONVENTION RUN
Rrrrr. I'M ON TO YOU, YOU STUPID--
i'm on to you.
HAY ANDRE WE NEEDS j00
Andre: yeah yeah wtfever |( you could at least center the camera |(
Strange cobra-esque lizard statues with the power to inflict status ailments...why does it have to be strange cobra-esque lizard statues with the power to inflict status ailments?
Oooo, this certainly looks special! And it is. If Horace hasn't given you the ability to use his Call Beads (wow, that sounds dirty), you can't open this pot. But if he has...
...you get another formula! While all of the items in the Pyramid are Lost Forevers because of aforementioned collapsing bridges, this is the only optional one you'll really be kicking yourself over if you miss.
Let's have a look!
We'll give it a shot later. In the meantime, I am sorely missing our furry companion.
Matt: ANDRE :D
Andre: I told you I was napping |(
Bloop, gone forever. I don't know if this collapses if you go across without the Dog or if you even can cross without him, but I wouldn't put it past 'em. This dungeon seriously puts me into hyperventilation territory, and it even comes back near the end of the game for one last shot at screwing over your save file, IIRC. At least we're almost out.
Bloop, gone forever.
...I like saying "bloop" :D :) :B
But I thought we were in the Bronze Age! Additionally, ow.
Ahhh, finally. Honestly, I don't know why we couldn't just drop a rock on that other switch. We're good at dropping rocks on things. Got extra Mud Peppers and everythin'.
Oh well. Work together, guys!
sdaflkjlaksdfh';ljasdf I SAID WORK TOGETHER
Okay, I don't know WHY that worked, but it did.
Hello? Anyone in here?
Hello? I'd like to speak to the owner of this establishment!
I have some issues with the programming of this building! It's a lawsuit waiting to happen, really.
Bridges collapsing all over the place and WHOA HELLO
asdfj'jl;jsdaf THAT'S NO WAY TO GREET A GUEST
eek eek walking in the wrong direction eek
Okay, this guy isn't that tough
especially if you accidentally take on the higher-leveled dungeon first by mistake. He'll send his big honking obvious weak spot jewel spinning around to hit you, but it causes minimal damage.
The four statues around the room can cast Flash, which is a slightly larger nuisance.
...okay, it's a MUCH larger nuisance.
Andre: oh screw you > <
At least he has a big honking obvious weak spot! The jewel is invincible when it's spinning, but as soon as it reattaches to the statue, it's fair game.
What the...? I was sure that formulas maxed at level 3 :O Sorry to misinform! I wonder how high they can go?
Oh yeah, what's this thing called? Rimsala? That's vaguely Egyptian enough, I guess.
"Statue", not so much.
Statue: We do our best |<
You can take these guys out with a single shot of whatever formula they like, but they relight pretty fast, so it's not really worth it.
Anyway, nothin' a few well-placed fully-charged Dog attacks won't fix. BADABIDDITYBOOM
Did...did the game just 8| at me? :<
BEHOLD DA POWER OF SPEAR
Andre: Dude, that was all me |<
Okay, let's blow this frightening glitch stand.
Fun fact: Once you're out, you can't get back in. If you missed anything, including Horace's extra spell, they're Lost Forever(tm). FUN TIMES. Granted, there's not much to miss, but it's a shame to skip that big treasure trove.
Glitches: TAKE US WITH YOU :<
Well, at least it's easy getting back to camp :D
Matt: WHY DO YOU KEEP MAKING US FALL DOWN D:
Andre: NOT COOL NOT COOL
Matt: owwww my pixels
Madronius: You know, it isn't easy hauling you out of those pits...
Sigh. Anyone else smell a showdown coming up?
Matt: Thanks, whoever's talking :D
wtf why did I take damage here
Glitches: TAKE US WIIIIITH YOU :<
I WAS FINE THREE SECONDS AGO
Glitches: IT'S DARK AND LONELY IN THE PYRAMID :<
Oh, so that's it. But why wasn't I flashing? Oh, who cares, sleep now. Gonna need it for the inevitable Huge Confrontation next episode.
Glitches: WE HAD A NIGHTMARE :< CAN WE SLEEP IN YOUR REEKING ANIMAL HIDE?
Next episode: An inevitable Huge Confrontation! Also, see an Easter egg hidden so well that Del didn't find it until checking a FAQ ten years after the first time she played! Protip: Totally worth the wait.