|Screencaps of Evermore--Across the River
||[Jul. 1st, 2008|06:22 pm]
|[||stuck in my head
|||||Yasushi Ishii (Hellsing)--The World Without Logos||]|
Guten tag, everyone! See, I told you I'd pick up the pace! We have officially accelerated from "ex-animate" to "sluggish"! Provided it's an old slug. An old and lethargic slug. An old and lethargic slug whose pseudopods give it gyp in bad weather.
Anyway, last time, we got a brief chance to explore the marketplace before being pitted against a tooth-spitting gladiator in MORTAL COMBAT, noticing a few familiar faces in the background along the way. Emerging victorious, our heroes were sent on a
fetch quest for a mysterious pair of jewels (insert scrotum joke here if so wished). However, player-omnipotence proved that perhaps those in power aren't as benevolent as it seems...
Phew, those Nobilians really know how to throw a post-bloodbath party. I thought we'd never get outta the vomitorium |D
Normal protagonist activity: Making some redundant comment to the animal relief.
Matt activity: Actually explaining the plan to the animal relief, because he is the brains of the party.
Diamond EYES. Because they go in the Statue. And do something neat that no one seems to be able to explain any more about. I'm going to put my chip down on explosions.
And we're not leaving until we get our hands on all of it :D
Little Girl: You don't have NEARLY enough chickens.
The Dog will sniff at chickens and goats endlessly. ENDLESSLY. Luckily, he does not eat them.
Andre: 'sup Kudo
Oh right, now that he's back, I can equip him! Dang, that collar was worth the cash :O
Vinegar's fairly basic. I believe it's used a lot more in the next world.
NPC: But did you really have to...idk BLOW HIM UP
Man, either news spreads fast or EVERYONE was in the Colosseum. Who was minding the goats?
Oh, that's ni--
Wait a second :O
Talkin' with the Dog! :D God, I feel stupid for forgetting to do this earlier.
Andre: wtfever |(
NPC: On the other hand...
All the screaming and flailing and dribbling urine
You know, it is kind of odd that he incarnated into Sacred Dog form. Awfully convenient. I'd assumed that he just morphs into whatever suits the climate best, but could someone else be pulling the strings? I forget if it's ever addressed in-game...
Awwww, no long-winded separate list of rules for the Dog? Lame :<
You get a lot of just this kind of "good woofikins |D" stuff, I'll be cutting the bulk of it. If you're really that curious, hey, you could always play yourself!
Gah, this guy is a text-box NINJA. GET OUT FROM BEHIND THERE AND SAY HI TO THE NICE PEOPLE.
Oh, really? WELL GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
*SNEAK* Psht, so much for ninja-guard.
Okay, this is one of the neater parts in the game. The moment you enter this area, the Dog starts sniffing at one of the statues, as is his wont. However, when you go to retrieve the ingredient hidden there...
I LOVE YOU, TALKING STATUE. And I love this game~
Matt: Nope :B
You're related to the "bark like a seal" guy, aren't you? :<
fine, enough of that foppery
Hey, get out of there! Enemies aren't allowed in towns unless they're abandoned or ruined or somethin', it's RPG law!
Ooh, you are going to get such a squish--
OW MY SPLEEN
Hey, you're not a spider.
You, the reader, decide.
Matt: Spider! Get rid of--
NPC: Spider? Step on spider?
Andre: He is our hero.
That's...really not a phrase I wanted to hear from a weird, smelly half-naked man in the back of a warehouse, thank you.
I feel like I should be making some outdated Saturday Night Live joke here
oh God please say it's not mansex
Phew. Just an Ann Rynd fan.
I'll probably never use this, but hey, we finally filled out our list of active formulas! Go us! :D
OH I SEE WHAT YOUR GAME IS. WELL PLAYED, GREASY SIR.
fine, I GUESS. >(
yeah yeah. JERK.
Hey so what happens if I poke you agai--
OW MY GALLBLADDER
You know, you'd shift more stock if you didn't attempt to fatally bludgeon all your customers. Just a protip, there.
Yeah, here's the real reason I don't use the spell--he jacks his price up with each medallion you buy, and it's hardly chump change to begin with. Even one level, at this rate, would clean me out and then some. I'll use it once for you guys at some point, though, 'cause I love you<3
D'AAAAAAW. Little pink tongue :D :D :D
...it worked for Martha Stewart
he says as he slams the table with both fists, frothing at the mouth
Urf, still pricey. Probably not gonna stock this stuff properly until the next world.
These, on the other hand, are worth the price. They're your standard-issue Escape-inna-Box, and are particularly useful in the next dungeon--at least, for me, because the next dungeon is the bane of my existence and I ALWAYS get lost. Expect a lot of incoherent cursing next episode.
The other side of the warehouse opens out into this cul-de-sac of marketplace. It's easy to forget this is here/miss it altogether when you're out shopping and get frustrated looking for the exclusive goods they sell, so mark it on your mental map.
Like fishies and chickens! :D
Also good to remember. As such, it's best to work north to south.
That, ma'am, is because you're in the armpit of the market
NPC: Seeing as you were almost beaten into a bloody pulp at the Colosseum today.
Matt: It wasn't that bad :<
NPC: The stench of pee tells a different story, sir.
No SPECIFIC ancient ruins, just...ancient ruins. Y'know. Place's lousy with 'em. So you gonna buy or what
ISSOSHINY :D :D :D
Another little doorway...
...leads to the Inn.
WAIT, ARE THOSE
OH GOD THEY ARE
YES YES GIVE ME A ROOM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE
BWA HA HA HA! THE LUXURY! THE LUXURY! THE LACK OF RANK HIDE SMELL!
I slept a fine sleep, sir. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
That bit of drama aside, it's finally time to roll up our sleeves and get down to some heavy-duty tradin'! I'm excited, aren't you? :D
Isn't that a little bit after your time, missy? > >
B-but that's mine! D: I'm pretty sure you can procure one of these elsewhere, and even if you can't, it's not worth the Jade Disk. Pass.
And by "get down to some heavy-duty training", I apparently mean "talk to a lot of people as the Dog".
Andre: danged straight |3
Everyone loves Andre :D
Matt: Hey, I fought a gladiator an' stuff :<
The Moxa Stick improves the power of healing items and formulas. Which one you want is your choice, but I usually go with the Moxa Stick. A pint of ahhhh is worth a pound of owwww.
Anyway, after a bit of running around...
And STUFF! :D I tend to overbuy rather than try to work it all out in my head these days.
as can be seen by my suddenly abysmal jewel count
It's also good at weddings! :D
Luckily, all the items you don't use can be promptly sold back for cash. I think I ended up keeping the majority of my stuff in this case, though, since I believe there's more on sale when you return from your quest. IF you return from your quest.
HEY, LOOK WHAT I FOUND! A ROCK! *doot-dee-doo!*
Well, we know what to do with rocks, don't we?
Wiggly-woo--oh, hey, Tiny, 'sup?
Matt: Yeah, we've been introduced. You threatened me grave bodily harm, remember?
Tiny: Tiny does that a lot.
jeez, excuse ME, I was just LOOKing, guyyyy >(
You guys thought I was making that up as a running gag, didn't you? SURPRISE.
Tiny also enjoys abstract art and ergodic literature, which explains a lot about his grammar if you really think about it.
With nothing but SHEER MANLINESS
See? Abstract art. Of mummified cats playing poker.
Obviously, despite a lack of any obvious profit in this venture, it is vital to see it done. This is RPG law.
Matt directs a candid stare into the audience, to ensure they are as enthralled as he is in this performance
You are, indeed, da man, Tiny.
PREGNANT CUE LINE??? YOU, THE AUDIENCE, DECIDE.
Okay, let's blow this popsicle stand. God, did I really just write that? I've been around Matt too long.
I sure do! No killer tumbleweed mafia for me THIS time! :D
SIR YES SIR
I love the little random nicknames he gives his customers. He's right friendly for a ghost pirate.
WHEEEEEEEEEEE, WE'RE ON AN OUTING :D Oh la-di-da, where IS my parasol?
What, you didn't think it was just a ride, did you? Oh no, it's a TOUR BOAT. WAFFLE ON AT LENGTH ABOUT LOCAL LANDMARKS, PLZ.
Ghost Pirate: Unless you're one of those fascists who doesn't like elbow herpes, that is.
Matt: lol ye--wait, wut? D:
Ghost Pirate: It's their primary export! :D
I've been told I drunkenly mumbled this phrase once when my mother attempted to wake me up for school. This game gets in your head, man.
Awww, it's over already? :<
Oh well, we'll ride again on the way back. He has a different spiel then, IIRC.
Goodbye, Ghost Pirate! Thanks for the ride! Don't take any wooden doubloons!
God it's only five p.m. why am I so incoherent
If you get Tiny to throw the rock in Nobilia, the moment you step on this screen, it goes into an automatic pan...
This is funnier if you've been out level-building for an hour.
Okay, what'd we get?
Ooh, score! :D
Hm, not as nice as a Call Bead, but nice.
Ethanol! This stuff is fairly expensive, so it's nice to find so much in one place.
Ooh, freebie formula! Nice!
I don't really use this since I always have Biscuits on hand and I heal too often to run out, but it's a nice gesture, I think.
Hm, what to unequip...
I never liked you, Acid Rain >( DIE.
Aw, thanks, Blimp :D With words of encouragement like that, I bet we're ready for anything the world throws at--
AGH PLAGUE OW OH GOD VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT I WANNA GO HOOOOME
Plague is a nasty update to Poison. It drains more health, doesn't heal on its own, and, if you don't heal it quickly, it'll spread to the other party member. Seriously ugly stuff. It's slow-acting, though, so as long as you have Cure equipped, though, it won't mess you up too bad.
Woo, that's my first spell to hit the level cap! God knows I'm gonna need it.
See? Maxed out.
And it shows :D Despite the fact that it won't technically level, spells do continue getting stronger as you do. I won't have to swap it out for some time, still.
Anyway, chattin' up the natives as Andre. Hm, you don't say? :O
Iiiii forget how to get this open. Probably comes up later.
Matt: Go for it, Andre! I believe in you! You can do anything, because I have raised you with love!
Andre: wtfever. pika.
Well, huh. Thanks, random NPC!
dfj;ljga;sfj THERE WAS A CONVENIENT LIFT HERE THE WHOLE TIME?! Why didn't someone just arrange a pulley system or something so it could be summoned from either side of the river? Friggin' idiot engineers >(
Oh well. An elevator ride is a fine thing, never mind the circumstances.
And back again!
Matt: WHEEEEEEEEEEE :D
Hm, feels like it's missing something...
Oh, right. Hellfire, past-tense.
Well, at least it's nicely verdant over here. I was getting sick of nothing but sand.
Aaaand that explains the brimstone. I was hoping for something more along the lines of an incubus, really.
Whenever I see this name, I think of Statler and Waldorf in The Muppet Christmas Carol. That is all.
tum te tum, following the river
Y HALO THAR, GIANT PIT. I guess we'd better turn arou--
Andre: not cool not cool not cool
ooooog. wha'happen. lungs spose'ta bend that way? pain.
Into your HUGE STUPID PIT, yes >(
buh-GOING springs Matt to his feet
Andre: speak for yourself |(
Matt: Well, my name is John Johnson. I come from Wisconsin. I work in a lumber mill there. The people I meet as I walk down the street, they say "What's your name?", and I say, my name is John Johnson, I come from Wisconsin--
Mysterious Man: You hit your head harder than I thought.
Mysterious Man: Although you do seem to be experiencing the early signs of elbow herpes.
Matt: wut . .
Mysterious Man: You're not filthy or pantsless, here, is what I'm saying. That's a grave offense here in Hoboville.
look if you would just let me get a word in edgewise here
LET'S GIVE HIM A BIG HAND, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
Hi, Horace! Horace isn't as cool as Fire Eyes, but he's pretty cool.
ARE YOU SHOCKED? I'M SHOCKED.
Horace: Hoboville, where the hobos run free!
Yeah, there are a lot of sweaty and pantsless men in my imagination, too.
Horace: I was going to say "Then they canned my ass because I thought pirates and Romans lived in harmony together" but okay, we'll roll with that.
Horace: I lost the game of Trivial Pursuit we played beforehand! It was a traumatic experience.
Horace: Are there hobos there?
Matt: You have a one-track mind, don't you?
Wha--you trusted someone named Professor von RUFFLEBERG to do weird experiments on you? Oh, wow, totally just shoehorned a "von" in there on instinct, go me.
A librarian, a museum curator, and a child prodigy. A well-chosen group for the experiment. You know, as opposed to a horny teenager. "I don't care where you send me, just make sure there's tits."
THE BUTLER DID IT
Oh cripes, even Matt's caught the Diamondmania now. RESIST, MATT, RESIST!
Matt: I implicitly trust him for no good reason :D
Are YOU gonna tell us what they do?
That...that's a no, then. :<
Man, considering they've been in Evermore for...what'd Fire Eyes say, thirty years? That's a long time for nothing in particular to happen, just to have all this movin' and shakin' goin' on right before we got here. INTERESTING.
although not as mysterious as these ^)*(&*)^ing diamonds I tell you what
MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE D:
Which, as we all know, paves the pathway to Hell--wait. No. Does it work the other way around? Jack Chick would lead us to believe so.
This is the vaguest Easter egg hunt EVAR.
YOU TOO?! GOD WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT THE DIAMONDS. TELL ME ALREADY. TELL MEEEE
Y'know, I must say I find this kind of suspicious. If I didn't know that he was required by RPG Law to tell me these things because I've tooled around for the requisite amount of time to move the plot on, I'd suspect something.
Oh, so THAT'S why MY FOOT IS CURRENTLY POINTING BACKWARDS. Jerk.
Wow, this IS Hoboville. Does it come with the requisite filthy trenchcoat?
Sure, why the heck not. It's not like there's a TV for there to be nothin' on.
Say it with him, friends:
Andre: wtfever |(
Great, the way I capped it he very well COULD be flashing them in there, GO ME
Like souvenir spoons and chickens? I hear ya :<
Sweet ass. Hm, gonna hafta drop somethin' for it...
There, traded Flash for Revealer. THE INDECENT EXPOSURE JOKES ROCK ON.
Creepy eyeball formula, hooray! It's a shame you can't get things as weird as eyeballs as ingredients. I'd dig that.
but do they EXPLODE or turn people into PLATYPI or WHAT
Haha, I had SUCH a hard time with this this time around. Stay tuned.
Boy, could I ever.
But...but...I slept on a bed! A real bed! That didn't have ticks or fleas or...
*sigh* Aw, fug, forget it. At least it's a NICE filthy stinking hide.
Next episode: Labyrinths, Easter eggs, and a lot of incoherent cursing